Mark Harvey's Help Line

Peninsula Daily News Column 2-16-12 "Last chapter of boomer primer on life"

2012-02-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

I changed my mind, but this is Earth, so I can do that.

When I started this whole “Boomer Primer” thing, about the whole “aging thing,” I had a kinda-sorta “plan,” and the last chapter of the Boomer Primer was going to be about “What to Do When a Death Occurs” – Makes sense, right? “Last chapter,” and all that?

But I changed my mind, because there will be plenty of Sundays in the future to brighten up with that happy prospect, and I don’t want to conclude this whole thing on aging with death. I want to conclude it with life.

We hear so much about the downsides of aging and all its complications and pratfalls and pitfalls and complexities and losses and…help. And look who’s talking! I go on about “help” incessantly! But that’s not all there is to it; in fact, it (they, them…whatever) isn’t the biggest part and it CERTAINLY isn’t the best part!

The “best part,” at least according to the hundreds of people who have taken the time to teach me, is growing up.

And, with any luck at all, becoming a bit more child-like, in the process.

Leaving behind petty worries, petty jealousies and ego problems. Cashing-in territoriality for inclusion. Understanding that competition can be fun, as long as it doesn’t matter who wins or loses.

The people who have taught me have taught me that it doesn’t matter what you are – It matters who you are, and people can feel that: The age or the color or the accent or the clothing or the little ways we find to decorate ourselves don’t matter – What matters is sincerity and gentleness and honesty and caring.

Civility matters. Courtesy matters. Understanding that I can like you (or, at least, accept you) without agreeing with you, matters.

Humor matters, and the funniest things walking around are ourselves.

Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. Know when to speak up and know when to shut up. And know that people who talk about being “wise,” usually aren’t.

Accepting that you didn’t get it all “right” – That there were things you are ashamed of – But learning to live without shame, or shaming.

Learning patience. I know that seems odd, especially if you think of “aging” as having less and less time all the time…I need to HURRY! You need to HURRY! I don’t have time!

Patience isn’t sloth and patience isn’t “old” – Patience is the acceptance of our place in the Universe, and an abiding faith in it.

And learning faith, whatever that means to you. Having seen it all and done it all, faith – An acknowledgement of patterns and cycles and change and inevitability. Trust. Experience. The ability to see what has always been in front of you. Faith.

The ability to be amazed! Wonder-struck! Fascinated by the mundane! To ask “why,” and taking the time to listen to the answer – When there is one.

The gift of being excited about a gift! Curious, anticipating the concealed surprise! Joy! Laughter!

And the ability to take a nap when you’re sleepy.

And eat when you’re hungry.

To find special people when you’re lonely, and to be alone when you’re not.

Learning to learn and learn and learn, but being selective about it because we quit caring about the “in” crowd a long time ago.

And that power is a tool, not an end.

Many of the Elders that I know and have known spend a considerable amount of time looking back. They do that as a way of celebrating, of honoring and of understanding where “here” is – When “now” is. A way of seeing that the road to “here” is still the road to “there,” because there is no “there,” so embracing the road.

The path. We’re only here, I’ve heard it said, to leave the way we came. You either bend or you break.

Freedom isn’t just another word – It’s unloading monkey after monkey from that tired, old back and being glad for the lighter load – Baggage is for airports.

The ability to laugh and celebrate and lighten-up and not take everything SO seriously! And the ability to still be offended by offensive things, like cruelty and selfishness and greed and dishonesty.

The ability to teach what’s important and what isn’t, while still remembering how you looked at that age.

And maybe it’s the time when you can cease to be embarrassed by those scars and start being proud of them.

So, I think the question at the end of an “aging thing” isn’t what do you do when a death occurs, it’s “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Peninsula Daily News Column 2-9-12 "Make life a journey with no regrets"

2012-02-09T18:10:00.000-08:00

Do you realize how far we’ve come with this whole “Boomer Primer” thing? We’ve talked about mortality and retirement and money and wills and paperwork and and and…AND, do you realize how much we’ve aged since we started talking about this “aging thing?” Well, we started in late summer – OK, true, we’ve taken a few “side trips” here and there, but the fact is that we’re older than we were when we started all this.

Funny, how that goes.

So we’ve done (or thought about doing) all of this hyper-responsible stuff, and somewhere in the back of our minds (or the front of our minds) we’re beginning to think, “Geez…This ‘aging thing’ is a lot of work! And it’s not sounding like a lot of fun…Isn’t there a…”

…bright side? Of course there is! There are lots of “bright sides,” so let’s play with one of them; specifically, the one that has come to be known as the “bucket list.”

In case you don’t get the reference, it just means the-list-of-things-I-absolutely-want-to-do-before-I-kick-the-bucket. So, let your heretofore hyper-responsible mind wander a bit.

Many of us associate this idea with rather remarkable, dramatic or exotic adventures, like scuba-diving off the coast of Costa Rico or para-sailing over Pompeii or skateboarding through Tibet or…whatever. Others want to write the “Great American Novel” or paint the portrait that will wipe that smile off the “Mona Lisa” or invent windshield wipers for glasses or…You get it. And if you have anything like that on your “bucket list,” by ALL means, DO IT! And, by the way, you might want to start planning for that now, but let me ask you one, simple question, first, OK?

Really?

Is tubing down the Amazon so important to you that, if you found yourself on your deathbed tomorrow, you’d feel bad about not having done it? If the answer is YES, then (again), DO IT! But for many of us, we kind of feel like we’re supposed to have some Indiana-Jones-style adventure in mind…Do you want to hear the truth? Most of us don’t. If most of us were doing the “deathbed” scenario right now and we hadn’t piloted a 747 into Paris for lunch, most of us would shrug: “Yeah, well, it really isn’t that big a deal…”

No, for many of us, it isn’t. You know what tends to be a much bigger deal? Making our lives…right.

Like, sitting down with our life partner, holding both hands, and saying, “Do you know how much I always have, and do, love you?” Or making amends with the estranged daughter or letting the son who didn’t become the major league pitcher know how proud you really are of him. Or spending an hour in the sun at your mother’s grave or leaving a healthy annuity for that “special needs” grandchild.

Or finally confronting that addiction or adopting three stray dogs or reading the Bible cover-to-cover or watching the sun come up behind the Washington Monument or thanking all the people you should have thanked or apologizing to all the people who deserved apologies or telling the truth, when it’s kind and keeping your mouth shut, when it isn’t.

Learning patience, acceptance and tolerance – And proving it.

And on and on and on. There’s nothing wrong with the Great Adventure, and maybe the Great Adventure is a two-week vacation to Rome for the honeymoon you never had – Good!

It doesn’t matter what’s on your “list,” but (again) here’s the test: If you suddenly learned that you were going to be checking out of Earth in six months, what would you regret NOT doing (and No: Going back to age 16, knowing everything you know now, is NOT an option)? You have to be here, now – That’s the rule.

And here’s one more reassurance: You may not have a “bucket list;” oh, sure, you could make-up a bunch of weird stuff, but the truth is that you’re pretty content with your life and grateful for it, you did the best you could to “make your peace” along the way, you got your “ya-ya’s” out when the getting was good, so now you fill-up every day doing the best job of being “you” you can do. Good for you.

Now, deciding to retire or not, how much money you do-or-don’t have, physical health and whatever else may well effect all of this, but if you know the things that are REALLY important to you to get done pre-exit, you’ll find a way.

Don’t screw this up! – Because, after 25 years in this business I love, here’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard: “I wish I had…”

Peninsula Daily News Column 2-2-12 "Depression not a time to go it alone"

2012-02-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I’m back: “Boomer Primer,” “Things to Think About” or anticipate or not be surprised by or whatever – I think we’ve all figured this out by now, so let’s proceed.

Here’s a shocker: Today I want to talk about something that almost nobody ever wants to talk about, as opposed to all the other things that we’ve been talking about that almost everybody can hardly wait to talk about. Today I want to talk about “depression,” and No: This will NOT be an exercise in global financial mismanagement.

“Depression,” as in “I’m depressed.” And why do I want to put a sparkle into your Sunday by talking about depression? Because it happens, and it happens a lot to a lot of us as we get older, whether we like it or not, which begs the definition of “depression.”

Why? Could be any number of things; for instance, for those of us who have managed to survive to an age where “aging” is even a concept, the fact is that we’ve experienced loss – And probably a fair amount of it: Loved ones, pets, jobs, opportunities, physical acumen, that reassuring belief that there’s “always tomorrow” to mend our ways or our fences or our bridges.

Or hope.

Believe it: If we’re still here, we’ve lost stuff; then, maybe, some magic age comes along (60, 65, 75, 96 – Whatever) and we suddenly realize that there may not always be a tomorrow – That we won’t really live forever and that we don’t really have forever.

I know that sounds ridiculous, in a way, because we all “know” that, in our heads, but we don’t always know it in our…hearts, or wherever we keep such things. We can’t imagine life without us – Me – It’s all we know, so we’ve just kept putting one foot in front of the other, believing in tomorrow, so some magic age number comes out of nowhere and BOOM! – I’m going to die someday!

Yeah, you are. So am I.

And we’re afraid of what might happen between here and there.

Yeah, you are. So am I.

Or maybe our lives have changed, an easy example being “retirement.” Oh sure, we revel in it, at least for a while, but sometimes for some of us, we can start missing that reassuring routine, that sense of purpose – Of contributing.

Or, it could be our bodies and metabolisms change – That happens, you know – Or it could be any combination of the above, including ALL of the above, or about a million other things, but the fact is that depression happens.

Will it happen to all of us? No. Will it happen to enough of us to make it worth talking about? Yes.

I’m not talking about a “bad day” or a “bad mood” or the blues or the blahs or just feeling kind of down. I’m talking about a feeling – Not a good feeling! – That doesn’t go away; OK, it may come and go, and I’m not necessarily talking about a feeling that is so debilitating that you just sit and stare into nothingness, although that happens, too! I’m talking about a sad, kind of purposeless, hopeless spiritless feeling that keeps coming back. You know.

So, what do you do? You do…Something! Tell your doctor what you’re feeling – He or she can help you understand what is or isn’t happening, and…Who knows? It might be some other physical/medical thing that needs to be addressed. Or go to a counselor or a therapist or a clinic or…Do SOMETHING! Because the fact is that depression is very treatable and, for many of us, only needs to be “treated” while we get through a difficult time or over a hump or make the adjustment or whatever.

I don’t know, and we sure-as-heck don’t want me diagnosing anybody, but here’s what I can promise you: Doing nothing will, in all likelihood, yield nothing.

You/we/I do NOT have to feel like that! We can get our lives, and our spirits back, but we have to ask for help; now, I presume that most of us Boomers (and whomever else has come along for the ride) are not, as a group, unfamiliar with, or scared-to-death by anything that might smack of “mental health” – I mean, it’s not like we don’t know more than a little about “dysfunction” and feelings and all that, right?

And we’ve figured out that depression (like a lot of other things) is NOT a sign of “weakness,” right? I mean, if you broke your leg, would you just decide to tough it out so you wouldn’t seem “weak?” No, you wouldn’t. Depression is no different.

And if feeling crappy on an ongoing basis isn’t enough to get us off our butts, consider what a joy it must be to be around someone who is depressed – Oh, GOODY! Sure, people who love you will support you and tolerate you and put up with you and maybe even help you pretend that everything is fine, but if you purport to love them back, you might want to consider the effect that you’re having on them.

Maybe it’ll just…go away; well, OK, maybe it will, but if it doesn’t, then what?

My only point here is the same point: Depression happens to a lot of us, so be aware of that and if it happens to you, do something about it, because it can get better.

If it’s already happening to you, do something about it, because it can get better.

Take back your life, because we have a lot left to do.

Peninsula Daily News Column 1-26-12 "Free tax aid to the rescue on Peninsula"

2012-01-26T10:23:00.001-08:00

After all these years, there’s a reason that we insist on continuing to call this little weekly effort, “Help Line,” and that reason is that we are supposed to, at least occasionally, help, which most of us find eminently reasonable, if not painfully obvious; so, here comes “help.”

To begin, I know that if we listen long enough to people who want us to listen long enough, we begin to get a bit confused about who is or isn’t paying taxes, or at what rate, or whether corporations are people or people are corporations or whether people might want to incorporate in order to become “people” who might not have to pay taxes, or…I know. And if we stop listening long enough, here’s where we’ll end up: Most of us have to pay taxes, or (at least!) deal with the reality of a tax return.

This is a realization which rarely cheers us up at this time of year, so we’ve placed Valentine’s Day squarely in the middle of February, and characterized it with chocolate, as an incentive to continue to continue. This is an example of “help.”

Corporate status aside, taxes are looming directly ahead, so who’s coming galloping to our rescue (again!) with real help? Right: TAX-AIDE! (That’s the “William Tell Overture” you’re hearing in the background)

For those of you who have only recently joined the species, TAX-AIDE are the good folks who come to our rescue at this time every year by providing free, skilled tax preparation and “e-filing” (that means that they do the whole tax thing online) and, thus, saving us from ourselves.

These are volunteers who get to read copious amounts of tax stuff, then go to classes, then take a test administered by the IRS to see if they really learned all the tax stuff that they had to read and listen to in classes and then give away major portions of their lives – For free! – To help us.

They must like us. And we certainly like them!

TAX-AIDE is sponsored by the IRS and AARP. You do not have to be a member of AARP to partake; in fact, you don’t even have to be an Elder! You can just be a regular tax-paying-or-tax-return-filing person of any age – Alas…

Now, look: If you have mega-bucks, own property in nine different states, have bookoo investments and have long-since incorporated yourself, give these folks a break, huh? For the rest of us, here’s the deal:

Bring a photo ID, Social Security cards for you, spouse and dependents, W-2’s, 1099’s and any other stuff necessary to get the tax return job done, your 2010 tax return AND bank account routing and account numbers, if you want a refund deposited directly, wait for it to be February 1^st (Hint: next Wednesday) and show up at one of these sites:

Port Townsend Community Center, Tuesdays and Fridays, 10:00-2:00. You’ll need an appointment, so call 385-9007, to get one;
Tri-Area Community Center, Mondays, 10:00-2:00 or Wednesdays, 3:00-7:00. Appointment? Yes! Call 732-4822;
Sequim Senior Activity Center, Wednesdays, 12:30-4:00 or Saturdays, 9:00-4:00. Call 683-6806 for appointment;
Port Angeles library, Tuesdays, 9:00-3:00 and Saturday mornings, 8:30-12:30. No appointment necessary, so just show up, with something to read and good natured patience;
Port Angeles Senior Center, Mondays, 9:00-3:00 – Call 457-7004 for an appointment, and…
…Forks City Hall, from 10:00-4:00, on these Saturdays: February 4^th & 18^th, March 3^rd, 17^th & 31^st and April 7^th. Call 374-2558 for an appointment.

The last time I heard, TAX-AIDE was trying to schedule some sites in the Sekiu/Clallam Bay area, so stay tuned.

Feel free to thank these folks, because except for migraines, that’s all they’re getting out of doing this.

And now, since I’m in such a helpful mood and talking about “good guys,” try this: The Clallam County Sheriff’s Office has put together a survey that will, they hope, solicit some feedback from us so they can do better! How many chances do we get at something like that?

Right, so you can go to the Sheriff’s web site at http://www.clallam.net/Sheriff/ and click on the survey button OR you can “like” the Clallam County FACEBOOK page (I know, but some of us do that) and select the survey at https://www.facebook.com/clallamcountysheriff and have at it.

And if you’re still hearing the “William Tell Overture,” try humming the theme song from “M*A*S*H*.”

Peninsula Daily News Column 1-19-12 "Home not sweet if not egonomic"

2012-01-19T16:57:00.000-08:00

OK, that’s it! Enough of this post-holiday giddiness! And if you haven’t finished the leftovers by now…well, they aren’t “leftovers,” anymore.

It’s time to get back to work! And “work” is this “Boomer Primer,” designed to give Boomers (and anyone else who might care to come along for the ride) a list of “Things to Think About” regarding this whole “aging thing.” We’re assuming that you (whoever “you” are) are in your early-to-mid 60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and have been shocked to discover that your immortality is in question. Ready?

Most of us steadfastly declare that we want to “stay in our homes.” What most of us mean when most of us say that is that we don’t want to end up in an institution, spelled “nursing home;” now, if “home” happens to be a camping trailer in your ex-father-in-law’s backyard or an apartment immediately next door to several thousand 20-somethings, the above may not be universally true, but if you’re in your own place and you pretty much like it most of the time, it’s probably pretty close.

Now, look around you (go ahead, we’ll wait) – What do you see? Well, I know, but you can clean that up later – What do you see? Nothing in particular? Don’t feel stupid, because that’s what most of us see.

Next, picture yourself 15, 20 or 30 years from now; now, what do you see? Do you see slippery stairways? Narrow doorways? Stuff stashed where you have to be your height-or-better to reach it? A “normal” kitchen? A “normal” bathroom? Three steps up to the front porch? A dark hallway with throw rugs? All the bedrooms (or the ONLY bathroom!) on the second floor? You’re beginning to get this, aren’t you?

Right: If you’re going to stay home, “home” has to like you – And it has to like who you are now, not who you were some other time, so if this is really where you mean to plant yourself, you might want to consider whether or not you’ll be able there if you don’t have the physical acumen of a high school football player which, by the way, you haven’t had for some time.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you don’t particularly want to make “home” look like a nursing home – I get it, I don’t, either – But things have a long way since the last time you saw or thought about this stuff, which might include “never.” You could see some of this stuff on the covers of fancy home improvement magazines and think, “Wow!”

The concept is “universal design,” which means that these modifications make life easier for EVERYBODY, not just folks who “need” them; or you may have heard the phrase, “aging in place,” which can mean several different things in several different contexts, but just take it literally: AGE in this PLACE.”

Now, what do you see?

Consider doorknobs, or even just reaching into the mailbox. Turning lights off and on, or water off and on or just using the electrical outlets. Opening or closing windows, or even just changing which way the doors open and close (and, Yes: Wider is smarter!).

Reaching cabinets? Reaching counters? Reaching the freezer? Go look at the tub/shower.

And if the only bathroom is upstairs, well…

Look: There’s a lot of info on this stuff online now; further (Better!) there are folks who specialize in assessing your home for its ability to remain your home, then giving you a laundry list, from which you can pick-and-choose, or better yet, prioritize, so could chip-away at it one piece at a time.

Expensive? Well, it depends on what you might need and what you might want, but I’ll bet you the price of a brighter light bulb that it’s not as bad as you imagine.

And do you have to do EVERYTHING that shows up on the aforementioned list? No – You don’t HAVE to do ANYTHING! – But you might want to at least consider the “high points.”

Try this: Most of us have friends and/or family who are Elders or folks with disabilities, so if you want to hear from the real “pro’s,” go ask them what they did (or what they wish they’d done) – If they think you’re honestly interested, and you’re not “pitying” people who didn’t ask for any, they’ll probably tell you the truth.

Here’s what most of us do: Nothing; then something bad happens (usually a medical something), and here we are, trying to live in a home that is waiting for who we used-to-be to show up, but we have to live here NOW! – And off we go on a desperate, fearful, emotion-driven foray into the wonderful world of “home improvement,” which is not (usually) when we’re likely to find the best deals or the most competent professionals.

Here’s the truth: Most of us aren’t willing to do everything we “should” do, right? So, we make compromises, right? Choices. I’m willing to do “this,” but not “that” – Kinda like diet and exercise and…We make choices.

And we’ve been making choices since we were old enough to have any, so the fact is, nothing has changed, but you might want to take another look around, because it could be time to have a heart-to-heart with “home sweet home.”

Peninsula Daily News Column 1-12-12 "How much you get depends on work"

2012-01-12T16:52:00.000-08:00

Good Morning, Survivors!

Well, think about it: You’ve survived Medicare’s “open enrollment” for 2011, you’ve survived the Christmas holidaze with your faculties more-or-less intact, you’ve survived a few more weeks of government’s inability to do anything helpful about almost anything AND you’ve survived a New Year’s transition into 2012, so it seems to me that someone ought to say, “Congratulations!”

CONGRATULATIONS!

OK, that’s enough of that - I’m going to charge straight ahead with our “Boomer Primer!” – Now, what was the deal with that?

Fair question. This “Boomer Primer” is an attempt at giving Baby Boomers, who are teetering precariously on the verge of retirement OR just trying to figure out this whole “aging thing” a place to start – A list of “Things to Think About,” if you will, then actually DO something about; otherwise, it’s just another thing to clutter up the space in your mind between thoughts.

And I’ve realized that no self-respecting “Boomer Primer” can call itself that without, at least, a nod to Social Security; alas, it’s going to be a brief nod because it is not possible to explain Social Security in a little column. It is not possible to explain Social Security in 30 “little columns,” because there are a million little nuances that turn on your particular situation. That’s what web sites are for, so pour yourself a friendly beverage and go to www.socialsecurity.gov where you will find a wealth (No kidding!) of info. Take your time.

Hey: There’s even a page where you can “research popular baby names!” Well, OK, not a biggie for most of us but entertainment is where you find it.

Let’s begin by clearly stating what is and is NOT true:

Social Security payments come from the Federal government – I’m sorry, but they do;
Social Security is NOT “welfare.” You’ve been paying into it throughout your working life. Think of it more as “insurance” or an “annuity” – You’ve paid for it, so it’s yours;
If you doubt #2, consider the fact that your Social Security payment (“benefit”) is based on how long you worked and how much you made, which is a way of calculating how much you paid into it (more or less) so, YES. It’s yours.

If you were born after 1929, you have 40 “credits” to collect; in other words, 10 years of work. As noted above, the longer you worked and the more you earned, the larger your Social Security benefit will be. If you retire before your “full retirement age” (“early retirement”), you’ll get less. If continue working and retire later than your “full retirement age,” you’ll get more. If your year of birth is from 1943 to 1954, your “full retirement age” is 66. If you were born in 1955, it’s 66 + 2 months. If you were born in 1956, it’s 66 + 4 months. You get it.

Can you work AND collect your Social Security at the same time? Yes. Your earnings in or after the month you reach your full retirement age will NOT reduce your Social Security benefit. If you started collecting Social Security BEFORE you hit your full retirement age, they will, to the tune of $1 less for every $3 you earned.

Social Security isn’t taxable, right? Wrong, because it is, but that depends upon how much you or both of you brought in from all sources, and how you file your taxes (joint vs. separate, etc).

What about Social Security “disability?” Well, what about it? It’s a way of attempting to sustain yourself if you’ve been disabled to the point where you can’t work. It’s complicated, and it can be harrowing, but it is not impossible, so if you find yourself in that circumstance, consider it. Another thing it is is well beyond the purview of anything we can tackle here, so just know that it exists.

When should I start planning for retirement? Yesterday, if you do, in fact, plan on retiring, in the classic sense. A better question might be, “How much will my Social Security benefit be?” Go to the web site I noted above, where you’ll find a tool for estimating your benefit that actually works remarkably well – AND it will let you “play” with “what-ifs:” “What if I retire early?” “What if I retire later?” Etc – You get it.

If I’ve enrolled in Medicare, haven’t I already signed-up for Social Security? No. The two are hopelessly (and, probably, incestuously) entwined, but they are two VERY different critters.

OK, then how do I sign-up for Social Security? Well, you can (a) go to the web site above and do it online (Really!); (b) call 1-800-772-1213 and do it on the phone, or (c) you can make an appointment at any Social Security office and do it eyeball-to-eyeball.

Aren’t the Feds messing with Social Security? Well, the Feds are talking about messing with Social Security, but so far, it’s talk. Look: All any of us can realistically do is play by the rules as they currently exist and hope for the best, because hoping for the worst would be stupid. Do I think that folks who are currently collecting their Social Security benefits are going to lose them? No. Do I think that folks who are a short-step away from collecting will lose it? I sincerely doubt it. Is that my personal opinion, based on nothing in particular? Yes.

Finally, remember this: Millions of people have figured this out, so you can, too. Go to the web site, take your time, make notes and think. What you’ve heard from your neighbors, buddies, cronies or family may or may not have anything to do with what’s true for you.

And that’s why you’re a “survivor.”

Peninsula Daily News Column 1-5-12 "Medicare open enrollment coming"

2012-01-05T16:49:00.000-08:00

You guys are hard-core!

It’s January 5^th of a new year! We’re surrounded by opportunity and the prospect of Valentine’s Day! You ought to be recovering from the frenzy of the holiday spirit and the vagaries of airline schedules!

But, Oh NO! Not you guys – YOU want to talk about…Medicare?? OK, while I think your time would be better spent burying last year’s fruit cake in the neighbor’s backyard, I live to serve, so (since you’re asking) Medicare it is.

Yes, there is another “open enrollment” coming up. Some people, professionals and bureaucracies like to argue about whether or not it should be called an “open enrollment,” because there are two or three other equally obtuse monikers that can be applied, but for most of us who are just trying to navigate this sucker, it’s an “open enrollment.”

Beginning January 1, 2012, and running through February 14^th (I know – No, I don’t know…Maybe because it’s a day we can remember? Who cares?), we can leave a Medicare Advantage Plan and switch to “original” Medicare. If we do that, we will have through Valentine’s Day to join a Part D plan. Coverages will begin the first day of the month after the Plan(s) gets your form.

Here’s what you CAN’T do between now and February 14:

You can’t switch from Original Medicare to an Advantage Plan;
You can’t switch from one Advantage Plan to another Advantage Plan;
You can’t switch from one Part D plan to another Part D plan, and…
…you can’t switch or drop a Medicare Medical Savings Account Plan.

Another thing you probably can’t do between now and February 14 is go outside and get a tan, but Medicare doesn’t care.

IF you decide to do this, and IF you’d be adding a Medicare Supplement plan to your “back-to-Original-Medicare” New Year’s jaunt, you might want to investigate whether your supplement plan-of-choice will even take you, given your health status, because they don’t have to.

And what, you’ve asked, are these 5-star plans? Well, beginning this month, you can switch to a “5-star” Advantage Plan any time during the year, IF there’s one in your area AND you can only do that once in a calendar year. An Advantage Plan gets a “5-star” rating based on feedback from members, healthcare providers, etc. There are, for now, only two in Washington: Group Health Cooperative and Kaiser Permanente Senior Advantage, so unless you live around one, no help.

And speaking of “no help,” have you wondered what we’d do if our local hospital went away? Probably not, because most of us think of our hospitals like we think about firefighters or law enforcement or 24-hour plumbers – OF COURSE they’re there! They’re ALWAYS there! We count on them!

Yeah, we do; so if, in our frenzy to cut every program that doesn’t cut us first, we keep whacking folks off of things like Basic Health, Maternity Support, Disability Lifeline, Medicaid, etc, what do we suppose happens?

Do we suppose that all those folks stop needing hospitals or healthcare? Probably not. So, what do we suppose that they do? Right, same thing you and I would do: Go to the ER and end up becoming “charity care.”

And do we suppose that our hospitals have an infinite capacity to absorb more and more and more charity care? Probably not. Could a hospital actually have to…close? Yes, or dramatically reduce services or something, because this is America and everything runs on money – Nothing runs on nothing.

So this whole economic “thing” may not be just about the folks who are actually on those programs – It may also be about you and me and Grandma.

Oh, well, as long as I’m on a soapbox, consider this: Hospitals are businesses, right? Patients (customers) come in, services get rendered, hospital gets paid – Rather like a beauty salon; so, if a business (hospital) doesn’t have enough customers, what happens? Right: Same thing that happens to the beauty salon.

Sound fun? No. So, when you hear about shopping and buying “locally” to support our local economies, consider applying that same principle to our local hospitals. Now, certainly, if you need to go somewhere else to get the care you need, then go! – I would! – But if you can get what you need here…Well, “here” is where you live.

But I digress. What this whole column should have been about is what to get 98-year-old Aunt Tillie for next Christmas. Do hospitals sell gift cards?

Peninsula Daily News Column 12-29-11 "Planning, living key for long-term care"

2011-12-29T14:50:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas Day, and try as I may to ignore it for the purposes of a column, I can’t seem to evade that simple, irrevocable fact.

It’s Christmas Day, and depending on who you are, where you are, who is or isn’t there with you and what you believe about the 25^th day of December, it may be a wonderful day, a horrible day, a meaningful day, a great TV day, a terrible TV day, a loud, busy day, a lonely, dreary day, an emotional day or just another day – But there’s no escaping the fact that it is Christmas Day.

So, near as I can tell, here’s the one thing that every, single one of us, regardless of today’s circumstances, can agree upon: We aren’t dead. I know this to be true because every applicable marketing study and poll reveals that very few dead people read this column.

So what? Well, it’s Christmas Day! So what?? No, try “NOW what?”

Right: Now what? What now? What next? The end of the world, in another form or in another place or in another way, depending upon which talking head has captured our imaginations. All bad. All crises. The end of freedom, the end of capitalism, the end of everything we’ve ever known. Crime, viciousness, brutality.

Greed.

All around us, all the time, 24/7: What was wrong, what is wrong, what will be wrong – Fear motivates! Us vs. them! – And you know who’s right, right? Sure: Us!

Us. We. And “we” are all having Christmas Day.

And every single one of us feels very…small. Powerless. Inconsequential. There’s no way that any of us can possibly solve all the world’s horrible problems, so we just agree with whomever seems less harmful and call it “us.” Or just ignore it all, in the name of “mental health” – I get that.

And we hope. We hope for something better, something saner, something more civilized. We hope for a time when people take care of one another and share the burdens. We hope for a society in which people encounter people as “people,” not political, philosophical or religious partisans – People. People can be good and decent people, and still disagree. Bigotry, in the name of being correct, is still bigotry.

We hope that people we are supposed to be able to believe will just tell us the truth. We hope that we will be able to vote for someone instead of against someone. We hope that common sense will become a common commodity and we hope that aging really will be an achievement, and not an affliction.

We hope that people will still hold doors open for other people. We hope that people will say “please” and “thank-you” – And mean it.

We hope that people will share when they can, take when they need to and be able to remember which is which.

We hope for fewer raised voices and blood pressures and we hope for gentleness.

We hope for privacy as we hope for “community,” and we hope more for health care than we do for health insurance.

We hope for dignity, personal responsibility and self-determination – And we wonder how many laws we really need.

And we wonder when we’ll remember that we are our brothers’ keepers.

We hope that people will stop doing bad things for good reasons and good things for bad reasons.

We hope that we can take care of ourselves and take care of the caretakers. We hope that longevity won’t be a curse and we hope that the good don’t die young.

We wonder if our leaders will ever figure out that the planet isn’t getting any bigger and we hope that the babies will be fed. And clothed.

And loved.

We hope for patience, civility and courtesy, while we hope for honesty.

And we hope that “we” get so big that we totally consume “them!”

We hope for love, in all its many colors.

We hope, because it’s Christmas Day.

Peninsula Daily News Column 12-18-11 "Make life-sustaining treatment clear"

2011-12-15T16:41:00.000-08:00

Here we are on December 18^th, squarely in the middle of Phase III of the 2011 “Holiday Season” (well, I start counting at Halloween)!

If you’ve just been dropped-off by the Mother Ship, allow me to point out that you have exactly seven days left until December 25^th, but I acknowledge that many of us are probably still suffering from a post-Medicare “open enrollment” hangover, so take two aspirin and call somebody else in the morning.

Now, if “open enrollment” didn’t successfully put you in the holiday spirit, let’s pick up (as threatened) where we left off last week, which was talking about happy little documents called “advance directives.” These are the pieces of paper that tell doctors and other healthcare professionals what you do-or-don’t want done, if you can’t tell them yourself.

There is a specific document called a “POLST” form, which stands for “Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment,” and this is one of the few times that you really do want to remember what an acronym stands for. Here’s why:

Let’s say that I have an advanced, life-limiting illness (probably induced by “open enrollment”) and I’m at home (it could be “wherever,” but let’s say home) and something medically bad happens. Somebody calls 911 and the EMT’s (the “Good Guys”) come rushing in to save me. That’s their job, which is why they’re the “Good Guys.”

Now, being the totally-on-top-of-it person that I am, I’ve diligently prepared an advance directive that spells out what I do-and-don’t want, and since this “medically bad thing” is preventing me from speaking for myself, everybody in the house is relying on the advance directive to tell the EMT’s what to do or not do, right?

Wrong. EMT’s are required by law to do EVERYTHING THEY CAN to keep me going, and they will, which is why they’re the “Good Guys,” but it’s not what I wanted! How could I have prevented this??

POLST. Remember that the first two letters stand for “Physician Orders?” That’s what allows the EMT’s to respect whatever it is that I did-or-didn’t want; in other words, it lets them off the proverbial legal hook.

You might have seen these POLST forms around – They’re bright, electric green! – One piece of paper, front and back. These things are NOT for everybody and they are NOT a substitute for an advanced directive. Here’s why:

POLST forms are designed for folks who have an “advanced, life-limiting illness;” in other words, you have a condition (or conditions) that could rise up and seriously whack you all of a sudden, potentially sending you on to the Promised Land. If you have some arthritis, maybe a little high blood pressure, maybe a controlled bit of this-and/or-that, POLST is not your thing – But, if you have something seriously serious, it might be.

Also, a POLST form doesn’t necessarily do or say everything you might want (or not want), so it makes perfect sense to have BOTH an advanced directive AND a POLST.

Are you “required” to have a POLST form? Of course not, it’s completely up to you, and if you want the Good Guys to rush in and perform all of their miracles, good for you! – In fact, the various sections of the POLST specifically allow you to say, “I want the full boat!”

The form itself addresses issues like yes-or-no to CPR, extent of medical interventions, antibiotics, medically assisted nutrition, and a field for whatever else. The smart thing would be to get your hands on one of these and read through it, to see if it fits for you. They’re easy to find – Most clinics, facilities and certainly hospitals have them around. You can also go to www.wsma.org/patient_resources/polst which happens to be the Washington State Medical Association’s web site for some great info. More questions? Good! Talk to your doc or healthcare pro.

So, let’s say I did a POLST form, and conscientiously provided copies to my doc and hospital, but I’m mostly at home – What should I do with this electric green eyesore? Well, you want it to be conspicuous, right? Remember the scenario: Something medically bad has happened and the EMT’s come charging in! They’re not likely to stroll casually through the house attempting to detect where I might have hidden the POLST form – They’re going to ACT! So, put it on the refrigerator or the bedroom door, in-or-on the medicine cabinet, on the bedside table – I’ve seen folks tack it to the wall right above the bed! Make it easy, and make it conspicuous!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, because I know what the next question always is because I know what my next question would be: If I do all these forms correctly and give them to everybody who ought to have them and put them in all the right places blah blah, can I count on everything going the way I want everything to go?

Look: I’ve heard and read horror stories, just like you have, about when these things didn’t work or some offspring defied them by screaming, “LIABILITY!” or whatever else. What you haven’t heard are the hundreds and thousands of times that they did work, and people’s wishes were respectfully respected, and I speak from experience – But if you want an iron-clad guarantee that everything will go perfectly no matter what, then I suggest that you signal the Mother Ship, because you are on the wrong planet.

This is about – This whole “Boomer Primer” thing is about – Increasing the odds; Making it more likely that things will go the way you hope they will go. Here’s the only thing I can “guarantee” today: Tomorrow there will be six days until December 25^th .

Everything else is a crap-shoot.

Peninsula Daily News Column 12-8-11 "Advance directives kick in near end"

2011-12-08T16:33:00.000-08:00

So, how did Part D “open enrollment” go? Mostly OK? Good! Are you just fed up with thinking about it?

Me, too, so here we go, back to the “Boomer Primer” – If you don’t know what this is all about, please ask somebody else, because the rest of us are trying desperately to move on.

And what we’re trying desperately to move on through is the paperwork part of this whole “aging thing,” so hang in there because this won’t go on forever (rather like “open enrollment”).

OK, wills and probate and community property agreements and durable powers of attorney (which beat-the-heck out of guardianships) – What NOW?? Now, advance directives.

“Advance directives” is an umbrella term; if you’ve heard other terms, like “living wills,” “healthcare directives” or “directives to physicians,” we’re talking about the same things. What these come down to is a document that tells your doctors, or other folks providing your healthcare, when you want them to stop life-sustaining treatment and let you die – I’m sorry, but that’s the truth of it.

Now, are you “required” to have one of these? No. If you want ALL the “heroic measures,” right down to the bitter end (which is an absolutely fine thing to want!), then don’t do anything and go cruise catalogues for fruitcakes; however, some folks feel rather strongly about when to say, “Enough is enough” – If that sounds like you to you, stay with me.

An advance directive can only take effect in two situations: (1) you’re terminally ill and will die soon, so life-sustaining procedures will only prolong the process, or (2) you’re in a permanent, unconscious condition (you may have heard the phrase, “permanent vegetative state” – Same thing). “Life-sustaining procedures” could include things like CPR or the use of a respirator or any number of other procedures. They do NOT include procedures to ease pain! – So, you’re going to get those, either way.

Now, remember this: These things only kick-in if you can’t speak for yourself! – If you can, healthcare pros are going to go with what YOU say, regardless of what’s in any pretty piece of paper, OK? You call the shots, as long as you can call the shots.

A healthcare power of attorney (familiar phrase?) allows someone you designate to make medical treatment decisions for you, if you can’t, and it doesn’t just have to apply to “life-sustaining procedures” – It can apply to any medical decisions. An advance directive can be combined with a healthcare power of attorney in one document.

So, what would happen is that the person you designate in the healthcare POA could make decisions that might not have been considered when you were making out your advance directive, guided BY your advance directive, get it?

Are there forms out there, so you could do one of these yourself? Yes. You know by now that my bias is to work through an elder law attorney (and, again, all these documents can often be included into a “package deal”), because they know the right questions to ask so that we think things through and the documents actually say whatever it is we want, but you can do them on your own, if you’re pretty darned sure that they say what you want them to say.

To be valid, an advance directive has to be dated and signed in the presence of two witnesses, who also have to sign. These two witnesses CAN’T be: (a) related to you, by blood or marriage; (b) entitled to inherit, if you move on; (c) people you owe money to; (d) your attending doctor or the doctor’s employee, or (e) an employee of a healthcare facility where you are a patient – All of which make pretty good sense, when you think about them.

It does not have to be notarized.

OK, let’s say you’ve done this thing and you have the piece of paper – Now what? Keep one for yourself, give one to your doctor (and talk it over with him or her, so we know that we’re all thinking the same thing) and copies to anybody else that might need it, like the facility you live in or the hospital you’re in-and-out of or whomever.

Now, let’s overstate the obvious, because it, often, isn’t obvious: What I hope you did was to talk this over with your family (think, “kids!”) before you went out and made pretty paper, because if they don’t know about it, don’t “get it” or (WORSE!) won’t go along with it, this is not going to go well. Forgive the cliché, but everyone needs to be on the same page of this pretty paper!

Can you change your mind about this stuff? Sure! You can change your mind about any of this stuff, anytime! If you want to “cancel” an advance directive, all you have to do is (a) destroy it (or tell someone else to do it, in your presence); (b) write out a “cancellation” (no “form” needed, then sign and date it, or (c) just say so, to your doctor (or whomever). Period.

BUT! If you’ve strewn copies of this thing hither-and-yon, remember to backtrack and let everybody in on what you’re doing, and please let me repeat myself repeat myself: These things ONLY take effect if you can’t speak for yourself! If you can, none of this means anything to anybody!

I go on and on about these, because they are very important to a lot of people, but please don’t take all this as a “hint” that I think that you “should” do this. I don’t. I think you SHOULD think about it, then make any decision you care to make, which is the point of this whole “Boomer Primer” thing, anyway.

I’d hoped to get into a specialized type of document called a POLST (“Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment”) form today, but I’m running out of newspaper (again), so we’ll bump that to next week, then we’ll be done with all this cheery, pre-holiday paperwork

OK, now take a few minutes to think about what you want to do next about all of this stuff, then make a note to actually do whatever that is, including nothing; then, go cruise catalogues for fruitcakes.

Then, order a pizza.

Peninsula Daily News Column 12-1-11 "Get guardianship while you can"

2011-12-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the first day of December! You have exactly six days left in 2011’s “open enrollment” for Medicare’s Part D and Advantage Plans, so just get it done and enjoy the holidays, for a change.

But today is Thursday and it’s time to move on…Well, “back;” specifically, back to our old friend, the “Boomer Primer.” You remember what we’re doing here, right? The idea is to present a list of “things to think about,” then (hopefully) do something about, so we can take on this “aging thing” with a respectable degree of competence.

The last time we were here, I went on about durable powers of attorney (DPOA’s) and threatened you with “guardianships,” but before I make good on that threat, one more word about DPOA’s; well, actually, a hint for those of us who are all about the details.

Generally speaking, DPOA’s allow the “agent” (the person who has been granted the legal authority to do stuff on behalf of another person who can’t do it for themselves) to move money around: Write checks, pay bills, etc. There is a nuance that comes up with Social Security: While most sources of income (e.g. retirement pensions, whatever) accept a legitimate DPOA, as do banks, Social Security doesn’t. They want you to fill out another whole set of paperwork to become a “representative payee” – It isn’t insurmountable; it’s just another thing to do at a time when you probably have more than ENOUGH things to do.

Here’s the work-around: Have the Social Security check deposited directly into your person’s checking account (which most of us do, anyway) – Once the money is in the account, you, as the agent with your DPOA, can access it to pay the bills that need to be paid. Click.

OK, guardianships. Harken back: Remember the part about how a person has to be able to grant “informed consent” (in other words, they know what they’re doing) to execute a power of attorney or a DPOA? Good; so, what happens when a person didn’t get a DPOA, and now they’ve become incapacitated? An all-too-familiar example for a lot of us is the decline into Alzheimer’s (or any form of dementia) – Now what? Somebody has to make the decisions and pay the bills and and and…

Right, so you’re left with having to petition Superior Court for a guardianship. A guardian is a person appointed by the court to manage the affairs of another because of a “…demonstrated inability to adequately manage property or financial affairs…” or “…adequately provide for nutrition, health, housing or physical safety.”

Anyone can file a petition for guardianship over another, and the one doing the petitioning does NOT have to become the guardian. The court then has to decide (a) whether the person is, in fact, incapacitated, then (b) appoint a guardian.

Here’s what happens after the petition is filed:

Notice of the petition is given to the person identified in the petition;
The court appoints a “guardian ad litem” to make an investigation and report to the court about whether the person really needs a guardian, to what extent, who it ought to be, etc;
The guardian ad litem must get a statement from a doctor or psychologist, and;
A hearing – In court! – Must be held.

In my experience, guardians ad litem are sharp, and they care. They also have temporary authority to make decisions if there is something that needs to be addressed right now; also, while the court is not required to follow the recommendations of the guardian ad litem, it usually does.

What if the person in question objects to having a guardian? Well, it’s rather rare, for obvious reasons, but I’ve seen it happen, and it isn’t pretty. That person has a right to be represented by their own attorney at the hearing.

What if the person isn’t totally “out of it,” but still needs help? Good question. The court can appoint a “limited guardian,” who makes some of the decisions (e.g. just financial) while the person makes the rest (e.g. healthcare). The court decides how this will go, so you often hear talk about a “guardianship of the estate” or a “guardianship of the person,” but a limited guardian ship could have pieces of both.

The “good news” about guardianships is that the court supervises how all this actually goes; for instance, a guardian of the estate has to file an inventory with the court and an annual accounting of what-got-done-with-what (NOTE: I’ve seen, and you’ve probably heard, of ugly situations where the “greedy son” is filing for a guardianship to get his sweaty palms on Mom’s money. The courts, and guardians ad litem, are VERY smart about…stuff like that).

Guardians aren’t God, and there are things that they can’t do, at least not without the court’s OK; the most notable is that a guardian can’t put someone somewhere they don’t want to be, like in a nursing home, but here’s the reality: If the person in question is truly “incapacitated” to a significant degree, they probably aren’t going to object because they don’t know where they are, so the absence of “no” defaults to “yes.”

I don’t mean that crack to be disrespectful, but those of us who have walked the “caregiver walk” know darned-good-and-well what’s true, and while that person still deserves dignity, respect and (in most cases) love, what’s true is what’s true.

Is this everything that anyone could possibly need to know about guardianship? Of course not! – But it’ll get you in the ballpark, and if you find you or yours in this unhappy circumstance, find an attorney you can trust, which takes us back to the point of this whole “Boomer Primer” thing:

If everything I’ve just described sounds fun to you (or for the people you purport to love), feel free to do absolutely nothing; if it doesn’t, think seriously about having a DPOA prepared when you’re sitting with that elder law attorney, having your will drawn up. Remember, you can only do it before you need it, because by the time you need it, you can’t do it.

Informed consent.

Peninsula Daily News 11-24-11 "More on (durable) powers of attorney"

2011-11-24T15:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, I do know that today is Thanksgiving Day – Happy Thanksgiving!

I also know that the whole world is writing about it, and undoubtedly more poignantly than I, so I’ve decided to ignore it. Read this later in the day and think of it as “leftovers.”

Last week I went on about powers of attorney (POA’s) and durable powers of attorney DPOA’s), and was going to move seamlessly, if not stealthily, into guardianships, but a number of you have e-mailed with some disturbingly intelligent questions, so let’s do those first.

Can a POA or DPOA be revoked? You bet, anytime. All you have to do is give written notice of same to the “agent” (the person who you originally designated to make decisions) and to anyone who is relying on that DPOA like, say, a bank. IF you filed the DPOA with a County, file the revocation in the same place. By the way, guardianships can be revoked, too.

Contrary to popular opinion, a POA/DPOA does NOT give the agent the right to do anything and everything; for instance, they cannot put you someplace that you don’t want to be (think, “nursing home” – Of course, you have to be willing to say “No!”). A separate court order is usually required for an amputation, shock therapy and certain mental health treatments that restrict a person’s freedom of movement; also, an agent can’t vote on your supposed behalf nor can she/he make or alter your will.

Does a POA/DPOA have to be notarized? Sometimes, most notably if the agent is likely to have to sell, transfer, encumber or in any way mess around with real estate; otherwise generally not – HOWEVER, it might be smart, on general principles: It makes everything more “official,” so might help to smooth the way for your agent to do what has to be done, say, with a bank.

Can I give a grant a POA/DPOA to more than one person at a time? Well, yeah – It’s certainly smart to name a “backup” in case Choice #1 goes down – But the real question had to do with a situation in which Mr.-&-Mrs. didn’t want to appear to be showing “favoritism” between a son and a daughter.

Can you do that? Yes, you can, but please be…darn sure you want to! If ever there was a situation ripe for conflict, disagreements and resurrecting old wounds from grade school, this is it! And if they do manage to “compromise,” will that compromise be what you’d want? Remember, making decisions as close as humanly possible to the decisions that you’d make for yourself is the point of this whole thing! But, can you do it? Yes.

Now, think about that, in a general sense: You’re granting someone the legal right and ability to, in most cases, make a lot of important decisions AND move money around AND likely make decisions about what healthcare you might get under what circumstances and tra la – This is IMPORTANT! And, again, the idea is to appoint someone who will likely respect your own values and wishes and someone YOU CAN TRUST!

I’m reminded of the gal I sat with several years ago, having this very conversation. We got to the part about which of her several children might be the choice as her agent, and she was thinking out loud when she said, “Well, Benny really is such a good boy, when he’s not in jail or doing those nasty drugs…” It made my head hurt. We talked for quite a bit longer.

Speaking of “trust,” generally speaking, there is no court supervision of a POA/DPOA, while there is under a guardianship, so we’re a little more “vulnerable” to stupid, greedy or vengeful agents. Oh, sure, courts can be requested to decide this-or-that or order this-or-that or change this-or-that, but that rarely happens so, again, be as sure as you can that your agent actually like you.

And, again, do you have to have an attorney do a POA/DPOA? No, you don’t – I wish you would, but no.

Certain DPOA’s are written in such a way that they only kick-in in the event of an event, e.g. two physicians certify that you’re incapable of calling your own shots (or one physician, or whomever or whatever), so think about that. I often get calls that start with, “I have a DPOA for…”, and my first question is always, “Has it kicked-in?” Until it has, it’s just a piece of paper.

Well, so much for getting to guardianships today, but I don’t suppose they’re going anywhere, so we’ll try again next week. At the risk of overstating the painfully obvious, keep in mind that I am NOT an attorney – I’m a social worker – And in some sectors, even that can be successfully argued.

Peninsula Daily News Column 11-17-11 "Power of attorney a must with aging"

2011-11-17T13:56:00.000-08:00

Today we’re finally getting back to the “Boomer Primer?” Remember the “Boomer Primer?” That’s the thing we were doing before the juggernaut of Part D/Advantage Plan “open enrollment” rolled over us (and continues to roll through December 7), then there were other unscheduled interruptions under the general heading of “Real Life,” blah blah – Anyway, here we are.

The idea of the Boomer Primer (designed primarily for…You guessed it! Boomers!) is to provide a list of “Things to Think About,” assuming that you (whoever “you” are) are in your early-to-mid ‘60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and would like to have some idea of what tomorrow might look like, before it’s tomorrow.

You are not required to do “this” or do “that,” or to agree with “this” or “that” – You are required to think about these things, as a part of the whole “aging thing,” then decide whatever you decide to decide, because surprises can easily turn into shocks.

OK, the last chapter of the Primer pre-Part D (which actually was a chapter unto itself, but let’s not get distracted by thinking that the whole is equal to the sum of its parts), was about “wills” and “probate,” because nothing goes very well in America without the legal paper, so you thought to yourself (pre-Part D), “OK, so, if I do that right, I’m done with making paper, right?”

Wrong. Here’s why: Most of us aren’t overly enthusiastic about the prospect of dying, but in the privacy of our own homes, will generally concede that it’s highly likely that we will; the fact is, that what most of us hope for is something sudden and definitive, meaning I’m living and living and living and suddenly…BOOM! It’s over! Bye.

The reason we hope for a sudden BOOM is because what most of us fear the most is that “gray area” between what we call “life” and what we assume “death” to be, unfortunately referred to as “disability.” In my world, people are much more afraid of nursing homes than they are of morgues, for exactly that reason: We want to be able to live our lives on, more or less, our own terms, than go out with a “bang” (or, in this case, a BOOM).

Many of us do – And will. Many of us won’t, and you know that as well as I do, so then what?? Well, presuming the worst case where we won’t be able to call our own shots (which also doesn’t happen to everybody), someone else is going to have to, so how does that actually happen? Good question. Listen:

A “power of attorney” (POA) is a legal document in which I give someone else the authority to act on my behalf – Buy things, sell things, collect money, spend money, manage a business, whatever. A POA can be written to take effect right now, or at some future date, like between January 1 and March 31 of 2030, when I’m water-skiing the canals of Venice – You get it. A POA is predicated on the legal assumption that I know what I’m doing (“informed consent”) and it ends when I die, so it is NOT a substitute for a will (Nice try, though).

A POA also “goes away” when I become mentally incapacitated, because I no longer have the ability to grant “informed consent,” get it? However, a POA can be written in such a way that it is to remain in effect in the event of mental incapacity OR only kicks-in in the event of mental capacity. These are called “Durable Powers of Attorneys” (DPOA’s), probably because they “endure,” huh? Close enough.

I like these – A lot. Here’s why: Remember that a POA can only be granted when I’m capable of giving informed consent? Now, let’s say I have a massive stroke or, more statistically likely, start slipping away into Alzheimer’s (or whatever) and I haven’t prepared a DPOA – Can I do one now? No, because I lack “mental capacity;” in other words, I can only do it before I need it because, when I need it, I can no longer do it. And what does that sound like?

Right! Planning! So, when would be a smart time to have a DPOA drawn up? Right! When I’m already sitting with my attorney talking about my will (Note: you can often get a “package deal” from a smart attorney when you get a will, a DPOA, an Advance Directive and, often, a Community Property agreement). I know what you’re thinking: Do I have to pay an attorney to do this?

No. There is no legal requirement that a POA/DPOA be prepared or reviewed by a lawyer, and there are generic forms out there that are perfectly legal. Do I think that’s a good idea? No, because smart elder law attorneys know the right questions to ask that will make us think, and avoid a future “Oops!” – “Oops” being the 2^nd scariest word in the entire Primer. Do I think a generic, self-executed DPOA is better than nothing? Almost always, and here’s why:

Let’s say that I actually like my family, but enough to have prepared a DPOA; then let’s say that something bad happens to me, to where I can no longer make my own decisions or manage my own affairs, can my family make all the necessary decisions and do all the legal stuff? Nope, so they’re going to have to petition for a guardianship, which is expensive, time-consuming and generally extremely annoying (and we’ll talk about those next week) – Because they have no other choice.

A little bit of quick Q & A, because I’m running out of newspaper:

Can a POA/DPOA be used to make healthcare decisions? Yes;
Can I still make my own decisions if I’ve already given a DPOA? Sure, if you can;
Can I cancel my DPOA? Absolutely. Or change who’s making the decisions? You bet;
Is this everything I need to know? NO!

Talk to an elder law attorney, or at least go to www.washingtonlawhelp.org and click on the “60+” button to read up on these things (Hint: You’ll also find some generic forms, if you’re just bound-and-determined to go that way).

Here’s what’s worth remembering: I can only get it when I don’t need it because, when I need it, I can’t get it.

Peninsula Daily News column, 11-10-11 "Energy assistance for low-income folks"

2011-11-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

It’s beginning to get cold. That has to with La Nina or El Nino or La Bamba or J-Lo or something like that, but the fact is that it’s beginning to get cold.

If you have plenty of money as it’s beginning to get cold, God-love-ya and please go back to thinking about becoming a TAX-AIDE volunteer; if you don’t have a lot of money as it’s beginning to get cold, or you know someone who is in that unenviable situation, please stay with me.

There is a program that can help folks without a lot of money as it gets cold, and it’s called LIHEAP (pronounced “LieHeep,” and it stands for “Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program,” but I can’t imagine why you’d care). What it does is help you pay for your home heating costs – Interested? Good! Here we go:

LIHEAP, which is available in both Clallam and Jefferson counties, can provide anywhere from $25 to $1,000 toward those costs, depending upon your income, etc, so let’s start there. Let’s say that you’re Mom, Dad and two kids – Your monthly income has to be at or below $2,328; for a couple, $1,532 or if you’re just you, $1,134 – There’s a scale that runs up to a household of nine, but you get the drift.

By the way, if you live in Jefferson County and are a customer of Puget Sound Energy Company, PSE has their own “Energy Help Fund.” To get in the ballpark for that, for a family of four, income at or below $2,794; for a couple, $1,839 and for just you, $1,361. And FYI: The PSE Help Fund opens in Jefferson County again after the LIHEAP money is gone, so there’ll be more help available down the way – The two programs do NOT run concurrently. OK so far? Good – Hang in there.

The “season” for LIHEAP began ten days ago, on November 1^st. It’s run by Olympic Community Action Programs (OlyCAP) for both counties. Here’s what you do: Get on a computer and go to http://www.olycap.org/ and click on the thermostat, then go from there. No computer or don’t get it or whatever (maybe because it’s getting cold and you’re shivering)? OK, in the Port Townsend area, call 385-2571; in Forks, call 374-6193 on a Monday and in Port Angeles/Sequim, call 452-4726 between 1:00-4:00 p.m. on Tuesday or between 9:00 a.m. and 12:00 p.m. on Thursdays.

Depending upon how the funding goes, OlyCAP will open a January calendar for appointments in December, so if at first you don’t succeed…

TIME OUT: Some of us are familiar with LIHEAP because it’s gotten cold before and we haven’t had a lot of money before. In the past, we had to mail in stuff, which then sat in a huge pile because a lot of folks without a lot of money were getting cold, then nothing happened for LONG time, because the pile was so big, so the utility companies became unpleasant and turned things off and things got worse and colder and…BUT! OlyCAP, to their credit, has figured that out, so those days are gone; now, it’s sit-down-with-a-person, 1:1 appointment, so things get done when they need to get done.

Obviously, there could be another problem: How do I get to a 1:1 appointment with a person if I’m “home bound?” Good question. Here’s OlyCAP’s good answer: Beginning December 1^st, they’ll come to you, if need be, if you are an Elder, a person with a disability or a family with children under the age of six; down the road, they’ll be locating themselves strategically hither-and-yon around the Peninsula, to make the seemingly impossible, doable.

Good for them.

Now, not for the faint of heart, here’s how things go in my head: “OK, it’s cold and I don’t have a lot of money, and it looks like I might qualify for these things. I’ve actually managed to get an appointment that I can actually make and I’ve actually figured out a way to get there; so, I walk in, sit down and find out that I don’t have some magic piece of paper, so I’m…unhappy!” Right. Not good. Here’s what you actually need to have:

Bring proof of income for anyone in the household who’s 18 or better, or if that anyone is still in high school, bring a school ID. If you’re a member of a Tribe, bring a letter from the Tribe saying that your application for Tribal LIHEAP is denied. Bring ID for everyone in the household! – Driver’s license or photo ID or passport or birth certificate.

Bring a current utility bill that has the account #, with your name and address on it. If you’re renting and heat is included in the rent, bring a copy of the rental agreement or lease. If you’re primary heat source isn’t electric (or in Jeffco with PSE, natural gas), you’re going to have to provide some kind of proof of residency.

Now, go back to the part about going to http://www.olycap.org/ and clicking on the thermostat: There’s a form there that you can print or look at that spells out everything I just said, in a bit more detail, OK?

Can I absolutely guarantee that everything will go perfectly? No. Can I promise you that OlyCAP will have enough money to help everybody that needs help? Of course not. Can I assure you that you’ll be able to get an appointment exactly when you need or want it? Not on this planet, but here’s what I can assure you of:

These are good folks who are honestly trying to help, and if you’re cold and without a lot of money, it’s worth a shot. Doing nothing won’t make it any warmer.

Peninsula Daily News column, 11-3-2011 "Tax-Aide volunteers face classes, test"

2011-11-03T15:56:00.000-07:00

HEADS UP!

I’m hearing that more-than-a-few folks are getting disenrollment letters from their Medicare Part D plans – Kind of out-of-nowhere; now, there could be any number of reasons why that unhappy circumstance could befall you, but here’s one: It appears to the Plan that you have two or more addresses!

Look: If you change (or add) an address after you enroll in a Part D plan that appears to be out of that plan’s service area, they are required to disenroll you. One thing that happens a lot is that the kid in Nevada is helping Dad sort this stuff out, so she’s having all the Part D mail forwarded to her. The plan gets wind of this and says to itself (because Part D plan talk to themselves), “Oops! That’s out of our service area!” – And BOOM! Dad is Part D history.

Now, can you do what I’ve just described above? Sure, but let the plan in on your little secret, because once you get one of those disenrollment letters, your coverage has lapsed UNTIL you get it straightened out, and who needs that?!

In fact, couldn’t you just live without the hassle of this whole Part D “thing??” The detail and the paperwork and the everlasting grief of trying to keep everything straight…Let’s face it: It has all the appeal of root canals or opening the packaging of just about any commercial product (like arthritis medicine) that requires three strong men and the jaws-of-life or doing anything in a crawlspace or preparing tax returns or…

Tax returns?? Well, I don’t enjoy it, do you? You do?? Or, you could? Maybe? Really?? Then, you are who we’re looking for, because it’s the time of the season to recruit weirdoes like you for TAX-AIDE!

These are the “good guys,” remember? These are the folks who volunteer their time to help the rest of us get our taxes out the door – Correctly! They’re sponsored by the AARP Foundation and IRS, but you don’t have to like either one; you do have to like helping people who will like you back for helping them out of yet another externally imposed crisis.

Here are all the ways that you will have to make yourself miserable in the name of helping people: First, you’ll have to attend two days of volunteer orientation classes, in Sequim, on December 7^th and 8^th; then, you’ll have to devote significant chunks of your December studying studying studying the IRS-provided materials and tax preparation software – Sound fun so far?

THEN, you’ll have to attend “review classes, in Sequim, on January 4^th and 5^th, to go over all the stuff you taught yourself in December – Why? Well, because help isn’t help unless it helps, and if you haven’t learned how to help people with their taxes – Correctly! – That isn’t “help;” then, you’ll have to pass the IRS Test to prove it! (Hey, all TAX-AIDE volunteers have to pass that every year – Competence is mandatory!)

Then, you’ll have to sign the IRS “standards of conduct” to insure that you’ll help folks in an ethical and confidential manner, and THEN you’ll be expected to work (unpaid) at least four hours per week, although most of these guys do a lot more than that, throughout the tax season! Have I talked you out of it yet?

There are only a handful of reasons to do this:

1. You’re a good and decent human being;

2. You’ll learn a LOT about taxes and tax preparation, and…

3. …you rather enjoy being bathed in the gratitude from those of us whom you’ve helped, and I am NOT kidding about that part!

The rest of us need you! And we appreciate you! You have no idea…

So, what do you do to include yourself in an unmitigated exercise in masochism? Well…

1. If you want to volunteer in Jefferson County, contact David Self at dcself@olypen.com or 385-2617;

2. If you’re in the West End, call Corinne Spicer at 374-6332 – A bilingual volunteer would be extraordinarily cool!

3. In the Port Angeles area, holler at Hearst Coen at hj_coen@msn.com or 452-6541, or…

4. …around Sequim, Gail Anundson at gail@anundson.org or 582-1295.

You’d be willing to help, but the actual tax preparation isn’t your thing? Good! Get in touch! There are other ways.

I have to laugh at myself: I unhesitatingly jump into the infinite nuances of Medicare or Medicaid or legalistic paperwork or whatever else, but run screaming from the room in the face of tax preparation! See? We NEED you!

And you might as well get used to hearing this right now: Thank you!

Peninsula Daily News column, 10-27-11 "It's time to fill caregivers' toolbox"

2011-10-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

It’s easy to be sarcastic about healthcare in America - It’s even easier to be sarcastic about health insurance! – In fact, it’s so easy that, sometimes, we can confuse those two things, so let’s start there:

Health insurance is NOT healthcare. Healthcare keeps us going, and as healthy as we can, or are willing, to be, and we’re actually pretty darned good at it! We’re so good at it that a lot of us are living a whole lot longer than would have been imagined even a generation or two ago.

So, the “good news” is that a lot of us are living a whole lot longer! The “bad news” is that, in the course of living longer, a number of us require “care” – You know, somebody (or somebodies) to help us get through the day. We call those folks, which most of us are, have been or will be, “caregivers,” but since “caregivers” almost never call themselves “caregivers,” here’s my standard definition: A “caregiver” is somebody who is taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, whether they like it or not.

Does that sound at all like you to you? Then, WELCOME! – Because you’re “us.”

And, yeah, there are a LOT of us.

And if we don’t take care of us, what do you suppose happens to the folks that we’re taking care of? Right: Nothing good; so here’s our annual opportunity to take care of us.

The 5^th annual “Building Your Caregiver Tool Box” will be held on Saturday, November 5^th, from 8:30 am to 3:00 pm, at the Peninsula College PUB (Pirate Union Building, and don’t panic: Costumes are NOT required!), 1502 East Lauridsen Blvd. in Port Angeles, free.

We like free.

The theme this year is “The Tsunami of Caregiving,” with the keynote address by Jamye Wisecup, the coordinator of the Clallam County Sheriff’s Emergency Management Division. There will be breakout sessions on “Map Your Neighborhood,” “Outages,” “Preparing for the ‘Little Emergencies’,” etc. as well as some other, more personal, options.

There will also be a free lunch, snacks, beverages, vendor and informational tables, a lot of us “professional-types lurking about and a comedy (Yes, COMEDY! – If we don’t laugh at this stuff now and then, it’ll kill us!) presentation in the afternoon! – But here’s the best part: There will be a room full of people who are doing the same thing (more or less) that we’re doing, which means a room full of very smart, experienced and creative people.

That’s what puts the “us” into the us.

What do you do? Call 360-452-3221 (1-800-801-0070) to register, and do it RIGHT NOW! These conferences fill up fast, which ought to tell you something. Can you bring your “person” with you? No, and here’s why: If you bring your person, then you’ll be doing what you do all the time, which is giving care, which means that you’ll be all about them, and not about you, and this is about you.

Us.

Do this. Care enough about your person to care about you, and to remember that you aren’t alone.

Us. See ya there.

Now, change channels, OK? – Click. A number of the more loyal among you have heard me go on (and on!) about “Living Well with Chronic Conditions.” I know this to be true because a lot of you with chronic conditions have been through this 6-week, 2.5 hours/week workshop and have told me that it changed your life – For the BETTER! It works, and it’s free. We like free.

So, now: What if I gave you a chance to become a facilitator for “Living Well with Chronic Conditions?” Really! To get trained in how to conduct these workshops that change lives, for free! Well, here’s your chance.

The training will run November 8, 9, 15 and 16 at the Port Angeles Senior Center (328 E. 7^th, but you probably knew that). You’d run these workshops in teams of two, so bringing a friend would be fun, and you don’t have to have any teaching experience.

All you have to commit to is showing up for all four days of the training and facilitating a minimum of two, 6-week workshops per year. Do you know how much you’ll learn from this? Not to mention the karma!!! And if you don’t have a lot of fun doing it, you’re doing it wrong.

What do you do? Call 1-866-582-1487 and sign-up, then show up.

So, what was the theme of today’s column? Right: Good and decent people being good and decent people – Together – One person at a time, in spite of everything you hear in the news.

Peninsula Daily News column, 10-20-11 "On acronyms, open enrollment, Medicare"

2011-10-20T17:32:00.000-07:00

This is about Medicare – again.

‘Tis the time of the season for Medicare, because “open enrollment” for Part D and Advantage Plans began five days ago (October 15^th) and will run through December 7^th (a day that will probably live in infamy); regardless, here we are.

So (again), if you’re not on Medicare, about to be and don’t know anyone who is, feel free to go check out what’s on tap for “live music” on the Peninsula – The rest of us have work to do and today that “work” might save a number of us a considerable amount of money.

As threatened last week, today we’re going to venture into a land of acronyms generally referred to as “Medicare Savings Programs.” I’ll quote the acronyms and tell you what they stand for, because some of you will feel sufficiently neglected to warrant e-mailing me, demanding to know what they stand for; however, it is NOT important that you remember said acronyms, nor is it important that you remember what they stand for – It IS important that you pay enough attention to the numbers to see if they will do you or yours some good.

Acronym #1 is QMB (pronounced “Quimby”), that stands for “Qualified Medicare Beneficiary.” If you qualify for it, it will pay for your Part A premium (if you have one), your Part B premium (I’m pretty sure that you have one of those) AND your Part A or B deductibles, copays or coinsurances. If you have an Advantage Plan, QMB will pay copays and coinsurances for medical and hospital care.

Did you follow that? Did you see the part about it paying your Part B premium? So, without even trying, we’ve just saved you real close to $1,200! – Indeed, Quimby is our friend.

You qualify for QMB if your income as a single person is at or below $908 per month and your “assets” are at or below $6,680. “Assets” means cash, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, real estate contracts, blah blah – Pretty much what you’d think it means. It does NOT mean your house, one car or your stuff; also, if you have up to $1,500 set aside in a specific account for burial costs, that isn’t counted, either.

If you’re a couple, income at or below $1,226 per month, assets at or below $10,020.

FYI, if you qualify for QMB, you AUTOMATICALLY qualify for the Part D “extra help” (“L.I.S./Low Income Subsidy” – I went on about this last week), so you’d have very low to $0 premium, $0 deductibles and very low copays and, probably, no donut hole.

See? Quimby is our friend.

Acronym #2 is SLMB (pronounced “Slimby”), that stands for “Specified Low-Income Medicare Beneficiary” (feel smarter?). If you qualify for this, it’ll pay your Part B premium only (again, do the math in your head – Real close to $1,200/year, right? Right!) To get in the game, for a single person, income at $1,090 per month, assets the same: $6,680; for a couple, income at $1,471 per month, assets the same at $10, 020.

Acronym # 3 is QI-1 (pronounced “QI-1”), which stands for “Qualified Individual” (I know, but I don’t make them up). QI-1 will pay for your Part B premium only. Income for a single person at or below $1,226 per month, assets the same at $6,680, and for a couple, income = $1,655 per month, assets the same at $10,020.

I know what you’re thinking, and No: You did NOT misread something – YES, I just referenced two acronyms that both pay your Part B premium, with different income levels, so you’re thinking, “WHY???”

Answer: I don’t know. I probably knew once, but I don’t know now; more importantly, I don’t care. I DO care that people without a lot of money get the help.

Now, a handful of you are, for lack of a more pejorative term, “policy wonks,” so you’re thinking, “You can’t fool me, Harvey! ‘Medicare Savings Programs’ are a form of Medicaid, which means that ‘they’ will come after my estate!”

First, I’m not in the business of “fooling” you – If I were, we’d call this “Fool Line,” and we don’t.

Second, you’re right about these being a form of Medicaid; however, Medicare Savings Programs are NOT “recoverable” under Medicaid, so you have nothing to lose (Score one for my side!).

So, what do you actually do? Well, you can come to any of the SHIBA clinics that I listed last week or you can call any of the numbers at the end of this column for help.

You can go online to http://www.dshs.wa.gov/onlinecso/findservice.shtml or you can truck on down to the nearest DSHS office (You want the “CSO,” which stands for “Community Services Office”). FYI, it really isn’t all that tough to get signed-up, so just keep repeating to yourself, “$1,200, $1,200, $1,200…” but do it silently, so people don’t look at you oddly.

And, Yes, Virginia, you should insert this in your “Boomer Primer.”

I know this stuff can glaze you over – Me, too; but the fact is that they can save us serious money in a time when pretty much any money is “serious,” so read this two or three times, then DO IT, because waiting or “thinking about it” won’t help you or anybody else.

$1,200, $1,200, $1,200…

Peninsula Daily News column, 10-13-11 "On open enrollment for Medicare plans"

2011-10-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

Today is October 13^th, 2011. As noted last Thursday, which was October 6^th of 2011, “open enrollment” for Medicare Part D and Advantage Plans starts two days from today (October 15^th – I don’t know why such a life-changing experience would start on a Saturday, other than the possible conjecture that the “Ides of October” seems…symbolic); anyway, here we go, and I’m not going to repeat everything we covered on October 6^th, 2011, as a nod to the resilience of our short-term memories.

This column is going to be all about the intricacies of this process. If Part D is not part of your life and you couldn’t care less, bail out now and go shopping for Halloween candy, and remember who loves you…

OK, October 15^th through December 7^th! The short version is that there are 30 Part D plans to choose from. It appears that no Advantage Plans are leaving Clallam County, nor are any new ones coming in, while Jefferson County has a couple of new Advantage Plan choices to consider; clearly, there is no practical way to make a quasi-intelligent decision about these without using Medicare’s “Plan Finder,” which you can find at www.medicare.gov/find-a-plan or just go to www.medicare.gov and it will be obvious. You could also call 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227) 24/7 for help (TTY = 1-877-486-2048) OR (if all else fails) you could actually read the “Medicare & You 2012 Handbook,” which likely showed up last month.

And there is free, local, face-to-face help available – Stay tuned.

All the Plans are now in the “Plan Finder,” so you could go into it, enter your drugs and what-not and get some extra time to think, but remember that you can’t actually enroll/change Plans until Saturday,

If you have a Part D plan now that you’re just as happy-as-a-happy-clam with, and you’re totally confident that you’ll be clam-happy with it again next year (without even looking at premiums or formularies or whatever), then feel free to do absolutely nothing, and your current plan will continue, unabated and unperturbed, into 2012. Whatever you do (or don’t do) will kick-in on January 1, 2012 – Happy New Year!

Last week I referenced the “donut hole” (i.e. “coverage gap”), in which the Part D plan pays nothing and we pay everything, assuming that you have a plan that has a “donut hole” – That’s true; however, if you hit the donut hole in 2012 you will at least get a 50% discount on all brand-name drugs covered by the Plan (which will still count toward getting you OUT of the donut hole) and/or a 14& discount on generics covered by the Plan (I know, but at least it’s something).

Let’s talk about money. You may have heard “extra help” or “L.I.S.,” both of which refer to the Part D “Low Income Subsidy,” for which many of us qualify and don’t know it. If you’re single and your income is at or below $1,362 per month ($16,335 per year) AND your assets are less than $12,640, you qualify. “Assets” means, for most of us, money in the bank (plus stocks, bonds, contracts, etc) – It does NOT mean your house, your car or your stuff. For a couple, your income has to be at or below $1,839 per month and your assets below $25, 260; FYI, these numbers will probably increase in April of next year.

If you do qualify, you’ll be able to enroll in one of the 9 “benchmark” Part D plans with little or no monthly premium, drastically reduced deductibles and NO “donut hole!” If this sounds even vaguely like you to you, you can apply by calling Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY = 1-800-325-0778) or going online to www.socialsecurity.gov/prescriptionhelp and you want to do this RIGHT NOW! Will you have a wait on the phone? Probably, so take the opportunity to cruise through your checkbook while you’re waiting to remember why you’re waiting.

Now, I told you that there was free, local, face-to-face help available – There is. These folks know what they’re doing and will not try to sell you anything because they don’t have anything to sell – I know this to be true because they’re “us” – I also know them to be good and decent people. Here we go:

3^rd Tuesday, Port Townsend Community Center, Lawrence & Tyler, 3:00-5:00 pm;
2^nd and 4^th Tuesdays, Tri-Area Community Center, 10 W. Valley Road in Chimacum, 9:00 am to 12:00 pm;
Every Wednesday and Friday, Port Angeles Senior Center, 328 E. 7^th in P.A., 9:00 am to 12:00 pm;
Mondays, at the Sequim Senior Activity Center, 921 E. Hammond, 3:00-5:00 pm and Tuesdays, same place, 9:00 am to 12:00 pm;
4^th Wednesday, Quilcene Community Center, 294952 Highway 101, 10:00 am to 1:00 pm;
In Forks, at our “Information & Assistance” office (481 5^th Avenue), the 1^st Wednesday, 9:00 to 11:00 am, or call 374-9496 for other appointments.

If you have any questions about any of that, call 452-3221 (1-800-801-0070).

Bring your Medicare card or Medicare number, any/all insurance cards/prescription drug cards/benefit booklets, any letters you’ve gotten from your insurance company on the subject, an estimate of your monthly/annual income and assets, a list of your medications, dosages and what you’re paying for them now and anything else that you think might be a good idea or that you have questions about.

These are first come, first served affairs, so remember to be as cheerful and patient as possible, because everybody else is doing the same thing that you’re doing and are equally thrilled at the prospect.

Last one today: Remember that part above about “extra help?” Well, if you’d like to see if you’re eligible and (if you are) actually apply online AS WELL AS finding out if you might be eligible for any number of other programs, go to www.benefitscheckup.org and work through it. It goes surprisingly quickly, is very straightforward and you might be amazed by what you discover.

I’d hoped to get into Medicare Savings Programs today, but I suspect that this is MORE than enough for now, so let’s call it “good;” remember, you have until December 7^th to pull this off; personally, I’m shooting for having it done before November 24^th, putting the “Thank you!” back into Thanksgiving!

Peninsula Daily News, 10-6-11 "More to-do for Medicare"

2011-10-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

The underlying premise of this whole “Boomer Primer” thing was to proceed in a, more or less, orderly fashion – First, think about this; then, think about that, then…You get it.

The problem with a plan like that is that the Universe has absolutely no respect for our little plans because it has a much bigger plan of its own, and the Universe (as usual) wins. In this particular instance, the “Universe” takes the form of Medicare, which is about to super-impose “open enrollment” for Part D and Advantage Plans upon us, so – Ready or not! – Here it comes! And here we go (…well, what-the-heck, we would’ve had to go here eventually, anyway, so…).

AND, as casually mentioned last week, this year’s “open enrollment” happens from October 15^th (nine days from today!) through December 7^th – So much for “casual,” so here’s the short version:

Medicare Part D: “D,” as in “drug.” Drug coverage – Insurance. It isn’t run by the Feds, like Parts A or B – These are plans, run by private companies, that are approved by the Feds. There are two ways to go:

What many of us do is have “traditional Medicare,” which means Part A, Part B, a “MediGap” plan, to pick up the 20% that Medicare “approves” (but doesn’t pay for) AND a Part D plan – Yes, it is confusing;
What others do is have a Medicare “Advantage Plan,” which works (more or less) like a HMO, which provides all Part A and Part B coverage (usually, around here, through a “network” of providers) and (usually) Part D coverage – Yes, it is confusing.

As of this writing, we don’t know which (if any) Advantage Plans will be available in our corner of the Universe, nor do we know which Part D plans will be available; more will be revealed, which is the way of the Universe.

If you are “new to Medicare,” you get to sign up for these during the 7-month period that begins 3 months before the month you turn 65, the month you do turn 65 and ends 3 months after the month you turn 65. If you’ve been in the game for a while, you know that “open enrollment” means a specific period of time when you can change plans – “…and,” the newbie asks, “WHY would you do that?”

Well, because plans come and go, premiums change and formularies (the list of prescription drugs that a plan actually covers) change – Oops! So, the plan that was your best-friend-forever this year, may not be so great next year, get it?

If you don’t sign up for a Part D plan when you’re first eligible, you will incur a “penalty,” which is 1% of the “national base beneficiary premium” times the number of months that you dithered about, and that amount will be added to your premium (if you ever decide to sign-up for a plan) AND it will never go away. IF you have prescription drug insurance from other source (e.g. retiree insurance) and IF it is deemed equivalent to Medicare Part D coverage, you then have “creditable coverage,” which exempts you from the dreaded penalty. If this is the case, your insurance will send you a letter telling you so – KEEP THE LETTER!

The “skeleton” of Part D, which we can imagine to be in four “sections,” looks like this, using my BFF (Mrs. Jones), as an example, using 2011 numbers:

1. Mrs. Jones joins the “White Rabbit Part D Plan” on 1/1/11, and doesn’t get “extra help” (we’ll come back to that), and pays the first $310 of her drug costs out-of-pocket, plus “White Rabbit’s” monthly premium – White Rabbit pays zero;

2. Mrs. Jones pays a copayment and White Rabbit pays a bunch, until their combined amount (plus the deductible from #1 above) equals $2,840;

3. Mrs. Jones now enters the legendary “donut hole” (aka, “coverage gap”) in which, basically, White Rabbit pays zero. The tongue-in-cheek “good news” in 2011 is that Mrs. Jones got a 50% discount on “covered” (meaning that they’re on the formulary) brand-name drugs while she resides – Uncomfortably! – In the donut hole;

4. Once Mrs. Jones has shelled out $4,550, she emerges from the donut hole and enters “catastrophic coverage,” in which White Rabbit pays almost everything.

Now remember, that was the “skeleton” – Different plans look different, e.g. some plans don’t have a “coverage gap” – Will they be more expensive? Of course! And the premium has to be affordable and the formulary has to cover the drugs you take and what about this pharmacy vs. that pharmacy, and…

Right: Assuming that you don’t have the time, patience or endurance to cover the backyard with the policies of umpteen Part D plans for in-depth review, the only practical way to do this is to utilize Medicare’s “Plan Finder.” You can do this by going to http://www.medicare.gov/ and clicking on “Compare Drug and Health Plans.” It will ask you to enter the drugs you take, dosages, how much you pay, where you want to get them, blah blah, then will spit out a few of what appear to be the best plans for you, beginning October 15^th.

Local lore notwithstanding, the “Plan Finder” actually works pretty well for most people, most of the time, and you don’t have to be Bill Gates to navigate it, but if you’re not comfortable with computer stuff or don’t have one or your situation is “complicated” or or or, there is now (and will be) free help available, and I’ll give you those specifics next Thursday. If you need help TODAY, call any of the numbers at the end of the column and decent people will help you – For free – Without trying to sell you anything, because they don’t have anything to sell. I promise.

We’ll venture into specifics, like “extra help,” etc. next week, which will be October 13^th, which will be two days away from “D Day,” so stay calm and get this “open enrollment” thing on your “To-Do List” right now!

Look, this “Universe” is going to unfold, whether we like it or not, right? Sound a lot like “life?” Right, so we need to figure it out, deal with it and move on. Pretending it isn’t there only works with white rabbits.

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-29-11 "Probate pain probable without will"

2011-09-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

OK, this is the “aging thing,” which got us to a Boomer Primer. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, ask a neighbor, because the rest of us are sick of hearing about it, so we’re just going to cut to it, OK?

Last week I went on (and ON!) about wills; specifically, what they are, how they work, what to do to “do” one and the simple fact that you need one, so: MAKE A WILL!

Yes, that is uncharacteristic of me to be so blatantly directive, but here’s why: First, this is America, so money and property count; second, consider what happens if you DON’T have a will.

In all probability, someone you love (like your spouse/partner, kids, family member- Somebody!) is going to have to pick up the pieces and, assuming that they loved you back, at a time when they are emotionally sideways because you’ve moved on to better things, right? Somebody has to find stuff, list stuff, get access to stuff and then get that stuff to where they guess you might have wanted that stuff to go, while they’re also trying to get you to wherever. Does that sound fun? No.

And given the distinct lack of information and legal tidiness that you were too lazy to provide, do you know where this whole little drama is likely to land? Right: In a land called “probate.”

PROBATE?? First of all (because this is always “first”), DON’T PANIC. B-r-e-a-t-h-e…

“Probate” is simply the court-supervised enforcement of a will, or the lack or clarity thereof. The Court makes sure that notice goes to everyone who needs notice, that an Executor follows the rules, that the bills and creditors get paid and that “stuff” gets to where it ought to go, so why does it strike terror in the hearts of so many?

Well, in some states, probate is a horrible, complicated and EXPENSIVE rite of passage! It is so horrible, complicated and expensive that many good folks, with considerable foresight, go to considerable lengths to avoid it! Generally speaking, that is NOT the case in Washington; in fact, it’s usually pretty orderly and INexpensive – It’s only when there’s a dispute that things get…gnarly.

The practical fact in Washington State is that if things do get “gnarly,” they were probably going to get that way anyway, regardless of whether the decedent (dead person) used a will or a Living Trust or some other means of “property transfer,” or whether or not the estate is probated at all.

It’s true: The secret to avoiding these horror-stories isn’t so much in selecting a will vs. a trust vs. whatever, as it is in identifying potential problems on the front-end, resolving them as much as possible and doing whatever you can to minimize their effects in the future – The “future” that you won’t be in on.

Washington’s probate process is usually remarkably simple, quick and “cheap,” – And can actually be beneficial to you and your beneficiaries, as long as you have a PROPERLY DRAFTED WILL!

Listen: I’ve seen a lot of folks – Especially a lot of folks who came here from somewhere else – Run out and spend what I consider to be a LOT of money to get some of the prettiest and fanciest paper I’ve ever seen, in the name of “avoiding probate,” and you know what they often end up with? Yup, pretty, fancy paper, that didn’t really do much. I’m not talking about scams here, just unnecessary (and rather considerable) expenses.

Actually, Washington’s probate process does, among other things, provide your chosen representative (think “executor”) with what’s known as “nonintervention powers,” which give her/him MORE flexibility and legal authority over your estate than a Trustee has over a Living Trust.

…hmm…

So, there we are, right? All wrapped up in a pretty little package on a Thursday, so I’ll just run right out and do what some social worker told me to do in a newspaper column, right? WRONG! Go see an attorney! This is your life, Folks, so go find a pro that you can trust, and who will listen to what you want.

Are we done? No. We haven’t even touched powers-of-attorney or guardianships or advance directives – Well, I’m sorry, but life and aging is a complicated place and after all, this is a Primer, so we’ll get to it, but here’s something else that a lot of us need to get to real quick: This year (2011, for those of us who are easily distracted), “open enrollment” for Medicare Part D and Advantage Plans runs from October 15^th through December 7 – NOT from November 15^th through December 31. This is a BIG change! Part D = October 15 through December 7, so write that down.

And DON’T put that note with your will, which you’ve probably stashed behind the bowling ball on the top shelf of the guestroom closet where no one will ever find it, because you want it to be a secret.

And here’s something else that shouldn’t be a secret: Another “Powerful Tools for Caregivers” class will be starting October 5^th at Seaport Landing (1201 Hancock) in Port Townsend, and will run from 10:30 am to 12:30 pm every Wednesday through November 9^th.

I’ve talked about these before, so you don’t have to listen to it all again, but if you’re somebody who’s taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, this is one of the best things that you could do for you.

These slots go quickly, so call 360-385-2552 to register; remember, you count, too.

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-22-11 "Make a will before it's too late"

2011-09-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Remember the last time you saw Paul McCartney on TV, or the Internet or YouTube or wherever it is you might see Paul McCartney? I can virtually guarantee that one of the things that went through your mind somewhere in the course of it was, “Gee, he looks…older.”

Funny: Paul said the same thing about you, and that’s what got us to the whole “aging thing,” which is what got us to this whole Boomer Primer – Things to think about (and then, hopefully, DO something about), whether you want to or not.

So, here’s something to think about, whether you want to or not: The odds are pretty good that, at some point, you’re going to die. It doesn’t matter who you know, how much money you have or how good your resume’ looks, immortality remains almost universally elusive. And since we are where we are in the time that we’re in, we have to consider the reality of the paperwork, so let’s start with wills.

A surprising number of people don’t make wills, because (a) they don’t think they need one because they aren’t “rich;” (b) they just know they needed one – Period; (c) they didn’t know what to do to do one; (d) they thought it would be too expensive to get one done, or (e) they couldn’t or wouldn’t face the inevitability of their own mortality, so just sort of ignored it, figuring (I guess) that if they didn’t call attention to themselves, Death wouldn’t notice them, and move on.

I can absolutely assure you that (e) above almost never works, so let me deviate from my usual position of “it’s-all-up-to-you” and be as clear as possible: MAKE A WILL!

From the beginning, a “will” is a legal document that says who gets what, and how much, of your stuff, money and property when you move on to better things, but not until then. It can also do other things like name a guardian for minor children, create a “trust” and a “trustee” and name an “executor,” the latter being the lucky devil who gets to deal with divvying up your stuff, money and property.

You do not need to be “rich,” or even “well off,” to need one of these. If you have any money or any property or any stuff that you want to have go “here,” as opposed to “there,” you need one of these. Do you know what happens if you cash-in without one of these? Right! We have laws that call the shots, so here’s what will happen: If there is a surviving spouse (or state registered domestic partner), they’ll get all of the “community property” (what you had together) plus some of the “separate” property” (what you kept to yourself), with the rest divided up among children and or parents.

No surviving spouse or registered domestic partner? Then, everything goes to (1) living kids, divided equally; (2) surviving parents; (3) then equally among surviving brothers and sisters and maybe their kids and all kinds of other relatives and it all gets very complicated! No “family” at all? It goes to the State of Washington.

Now, if all of that is just swell with you, or you don’t particularly like your kids or whoever else will have to hassle with your stuff, then I guess you should proceed with doing nothing; if it isn’t, or if you do, then MAKE A WILL!

Should you consult an attorney? Yes! These things can get more complicated than you might think, and attorneys know the right questions to ask you so that what actually happens will be what you actually wanted; besides, you can, often, get a deal on a “package” of a will, a durable power of attorney, a Community Property Agreement and an “advance directive,” and it’s not usually as pricey as you might think.

Time out: “Community Property Agreement?”

Yes. For the vast majority of us, of “moderate means,” a Community Property Agreement has the effect of transferring all of the assets to the surviving spouse – Boom: No hassle, no probate, no nothing. PROBATE??? Don’t panic – We’ll come back to that, but let’s just get through the “will thing,” first.

Do you have to consult an attorney? No. For a will to be legal in Washington, it has to written, dated and signed. You (the one making the will) have to be at least 18 and legally competent. It has to be witnessed by at least two legally competent adults (one of which could be a notary public, but it isn’t mandatory), and neither of them should be beneficiaries, nor do they need to know what the will says. No witnesses, no valid will – Period.

That’s it. Not the best approach, perhaps, but it beats-the-heck out of nothing. A will made in another state, according to that state’s requirements, is valid, even if it isn’t exactly in the State of Washington’s style; again, not the best, but it’s something.

So, once you’ve done a will, how long will it “last?” Basically, as long as you do – Or, until you change it. Can you change it? Sure, anytime – And since our lives have an annoying habit of changing, it’d be smart to yank it out and look it over every now-and-again to make sure that it still sounds like your current life.

Yes, you can get will “kits” and “forms” – Are they legal here? If you do what I said above, yes. Are they the “best?” No, because very few of us have lives that conform nicely to “kits” but, again, it’s way out in front of nothing.

“OK, I’ll be sure and do that when I get ‘old’.”…uh…And when, exactly, will that be? If you’ve already scheduled your demise, so be it – But for most of us, unpredictability has been a hallmark of life from Day 1, so do yourselves and the people you purport to love a favor and take care of this, OK? There is no such thing as “after the fact” – You either cared enough or you didn’t.

And Death doesn’t care, one way or the other.

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-15-11 "Free event set to celebrate carevigers"

2011-09-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

Boomer Primer – You know the drill by now.

Last week I went on about Medicare – Well, OK, health insurance – Well, OK, health! Or some eclectic combination thereof. Stick with the “health” part, for a minute.

In addition to the multitude of unkind characterizations that have been heaped upon Boomers virtually from inception (or conception, or whatever), do you know what else an awful lot of Boomers are? Caregivers.

Which means what? Right: I define a caregiver as “…somebody who is taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, whether they like it or not.” Sound familiar? I thought so.

AARP estimates that there are 40 million caregivers in the good ‘ole U S of A. I think they’re wrong. I think there are a whole lot more than that, but who am I to quibble with an organization that has a pronounceable, if somewhat gastric, acronym? 40 million it is.

It all has to do with the fact that a lot of folks are living a whole lot longer and surviving things that would have put them in the ground not all that long ago, so there are a lot more folks who need care. Good.

But us caregiver-types pay a price, in terms of lost wages, for sure, and lost time with our own families/lives/interests, but don’t forget the other prices we pay in terms of increased depression, social isolation and our own medical issues; in other words, in the name of taking care of somebody we care about (more-or-less, most of the time), we often become “patients” ourselves. That’s the “health” part I threatened you with.

And what was last week’s basic premise? (You – In the back…) Right! The less we use health insurance, the better off we’ll all be, and the best way to do that is to be as healthy as possible as much as possible, so if you are a “caregiver,” the best way to do that is to take care of you.

Here’s a chance to do that. Saturday, October 1^st, from 8:45 am to 3:30 pm, at the Quimper Unitarian Universalist Fellowship (2333 San Juan Avenue) in Port Townsend, “A Day for You” (“You” being a caregiver). The whole day will be about taking care of you.

It will not teach you how to lift or transfer or change catheters. It won’t teach you about skin care or tube feeding, and it won’t get into physical therapy or range-of-motion. It will be about you, Caregiver – All day long.

Free. Free morning beverages, snacks and lunch. Free. Liz Taylor, journalist, columnist, speaker and founder of “Aging Well Consortium” will provide the keynote. And there will be a lot of other stuff – Info, vendors, sessions – And a whole room full of people who do what you do – Think about that.

Free.

I know: If you’re a “caregiver,” that means that you’re taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, so how do you get away to become smarter about being a caregiver? I get it. And I’m not going to pretend to have an easy, pat answer – I don’t. But I hope you’ll find a way.

We’d love to have you for the whole day, but if that’s not possible, then just come for as long as you can and leave when you need to – We understand.

What do you do? Well, since seating isn’t infinite, you can register by calling 360-385-2552 (1-800-801-0050) or e-mailing Heaven Gregg at gregghm@dshs.wa.gov then just show up and be who you are.

Free.

Also, in last week’s column, I referenced the “Affordable Care Act” (aka “Health Care Reform,” “ObamaCare,” whatever you choose to call it) as something that is changing the face of health insurance/health care, and will continue to change it, depending upon what does or doesn’t happen, so would you like a chance to learn a bit more about what is actually in the Affordable Care Act, without being screamed at? I, for one, have a hard time learning in the midst of artificially-induced hysteria.

OK: September 20^th, 7:00 to 8:30 pm in Linkletter Hall at Olympic Medical Center (that’s in the basement) in Port Angeles, a forum on the Affordable Care Act, sponsored by the League of Women Voters. Straight facts, no politics. Reference info will be provided, presentations and a specific interlude for questions-and-answers. It is, of course, free.

Despite what zealots on both ends of the political spectrum want us to believe, it is highly unlikely that anybody will take care of us, except us. And if we’re taking care of somebody else, then we especially need to take care of us. In my opinion, ignorance is not, nor has it ever been, bliss.

Peninsula Daily News Column, 9-8-11 "Look before buying insurance"

2011-09-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

Boomer Primer – That’s what we’re doing here. A list of “Things to Think About,” assuming that you (whoever “you” are) are in your early-to-mid ‘60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and would like to have some idea of what tomorrow might look like, before it’s tomorrow.

You are not required to do “this” or do “that” or to agree with “this” or agree with “that” – You are required to think about these things, as a part of the whole “aging thing,” then decide whatever you decide to decide, because surprises can easily turn into shocks.

OK, now, a couple of weeks ago I pointed out that, in my experience, there are two subjects that can morph a room full of hyperactive Boomers into a collection of zombies: One is Alzheimer’s disease and the other is Medicare. Today it’s Medicare’s turn, but DON’T PANIC! I have no intention of launching us into a coma-inducing safari through the wilderness of Medicare – Why?

Well, for one thing, a lot of us have already done that. We did it between March 17^th and March 31^st, in these very columns, right here in the PENINSULA DAILY NEWS, so doing it again now seems to me to border on flagrant sadism. If you need help with this now, call any of the numbers at the end of the column and decent people will help you, for free, and will not try to sell you anything because they don’t have anything to sell.

If you have time on your hands and you just want to begin to understand the Fantasy Land of Medicare, go to medicare.gov and rummage around. Take your time, make notes and you might be surprised at how much you can learn.

The other reason I’m not going to take us there right now is that, to me, starting with “Medicare” is a bit like starting in the middle of a bigger issue, which is rarely helpful, so back up for a minute and think: Medicare is health insurance, the first word of that dreaded phrase being “health.”

In my professional, highly educated and scholarly opinion, health insurance sucks. It doesn’t matter if it’s Medicare, Medicaid, private issue, employer-provided, VA, Tri-Care…Whatever! “Health insurance,” for most of us, most of the time, sucks. We don’t understand it. We don’t understand what it does or doesn’t pay for or when or why – And we sure-as-…Heck don’t understand the stuff it mails to us masquerading as “explanations!” So, back up one more step: How do you “beat” health insurance? Right: Don’t use it.

Oh, sure, most of us will still have to navigate it as a “fall back” – A “worst case scenario,” if you will – But the fact remains that the less you use it, the less it will abuse you, so what do you do? Right! Be healthy!

OK, OK! I get it! The picture that most of us immediately saw in our heads is of some lithe, sinewy, fashionably outfitted yuppie jogging through a lovely park on a lovely day, then going home to a lovely, dressingless salad with lovely yogurt, while petting the lovely, healthy and obedient pet, before launching into a lovely yoga routine. How lovely! How…unlikely.

Agreed – Me, too. Here’s what’s true: Most of us have a pretty good idea of what we “ought to do:” Maybe it’s eat better, maybe it’s eat less, maybe it’s get more exercise, maybe it’s get our medications straight, or maybe it’s even quit-stalling-and-go-to-the-….-doctor! Whatever! We pretty much know. But it’s all too much and it’s all too big and we’ll never look like that yuppie ANYWAY and where would I even start and and and…So, we grab a Ding-Dong, watch a rerun of “I Love Lucy” and give up. Again.

Here’s what we need to do: Something. I’m serious. Forget the yuppie! Do something! Eat one less Ding-Dong today. Walk around the house or the yard or up-and-down the stairs today. Have a salad WITH dressing – Today. Take 10 minutes and figure out the meds TODAY! Just schedule the doctor’s appointment – Today! – Then pat yourself on the back.

Look, almost none of us make huge lifestyle changes on Thursday mornings! We start with one little thing, then congratulate ourselves – I’m serious! – LITTLE things. Did we succeed with that little thing? Cool! Then, try one more – You get it, but they’ve got to be “little things” that we can do (which is probably not jogging to the other side of town) and that we’re willing to do (which is probably NOT replacing tonight’s steak with tofu and sprouts). Little things, one day at a time.

Do something.

OK, now, drop-kick the soapbox into the corner and consider a few other “miscellaneous” points:

If you currently have health insurance (e.g., you actually have a job that actually provides health insurance), don’t be in a big hurry to have a temper-tantrum and walk out, thinking that you’ll just go buy a health insurance policy. Oh, sure, they’re out there, but they’re PRICEY! – Depending upon how old you are, any pre-existing conditions you might have (those are out there, too) and what your particular, repetitive sins might be, they’re PRICEY! – So look before you…walk;
The more you understand about what your current health insurance does and doesn’t cover, the better you’ll do; for instance, many policies actually cover the better part (if not all) of some preventative stuff (Remember those “little things” from above?). Think about it;
Some of you are thinking, “…but Medicare is changing every 20 seconds! Understanding it is hopeless!” Well, yes, it changes a lot; for instance, this year, “open enrollment” for Part D and Advantage Plans is changing to October 15^th through December 7^th – That’s a BIG change! And others of you are thinking, “…and isn’t ‘health care reform’ (or whatever you choose to call it) going to change a lot of stuff??” Well, yes, depending upon what does-or-doesn’t happen and your circumstances and how old you are and blah blah blah – But it’s WAY too soon to second-guess any of that, so do the best you can to deal with what “is,” and don’t use it as another excuse for another Ding-Dong (“I Love Lucy’s” are good for you);
In my world, people are more afraid of nursing homes than they are of morgues, which means that what most of us are MOST afraid of is that “gray area” – The space between life-as-we-know-it-and-like-it and death – Disability. Some of those things are beyond our control, like Alzheimer’s, but a lot of them aren’t, like falls or ignored conditions (think diabetes) or general deterioration because we allowed ourselves to…deteriorate.

Is all of this sounding kind of scary? Well, OK, that’s one way to look at it, but here’s another: The whole “aging thing” can actually be kind of fun, if we allow it to be – If we make it be! – And we can do a lot to decide how that game will work – Now! – If we decide to; OR, we can do absolutely nothing and just be surprised!

Sweat the small stuff, and turn on “I Love Lucy.”

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-1-11 "Think moderation when leaving legacy"

2011-09-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago (or maybe three…I don’t know…Short-term memory is the second thing to go…), I went on about money.

I went on about money because (a) this is America, and (b) we’re working on a “Boomer Primer,” which simply means a list of things to think about regarding the whole “aging thing” if you’re in your early-to-mid 60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and not immortal.

If you are immortal, your financial concerns far outstrip the purview of this little column, and I urge you to consult a more…galactic, if not spiritual, resource, but for the rest of us who are a little closer to the ground, this will have to do.

The points that I attempted to make, back when I remembered what those points were, had to do with planning for and balancing “income” vs. “debt” IF retirement was a piece of our “aging thing,” remembering that most of us will live noticeably longer than our parents and grandparents; now, if your employment and/or income-generating prospects (and endurance!) are excellent and lucrative, your views on the subject(s) might be somewhat different, but here’s a “think about it” question that comes up for almost everybody: Leaving it to the kids.

Acknowledging different strokes, feel free to delete “kids” (I know, I thought of that, too) and substitute “grandchildren,” “dog,” “favorite charity,” “national debt,” etc, but for most of us, most of the time, it’s about leaving it to the kids, and there are myriad views on the topic.

For some, leaving a tangible inheritance of money/assets/house/Beatles’ “White Album,” etc is extremely important – It’s an inheritance, Yes, but it’s also a legacy – A way of declaring, “I was here.” A way of saying, “I lived, I struggled, I worked and I did the best I could with what I had, and this is what I leave behind.” A way of saying, “I love you.”

And, certainly, given the economy and the employment-related realities and prospects of many an offspring, “legacy” and “necessity” may blur. The other end of this particular spectrum, of course, is financial exploitation, ala’ Mickey Rooney, but for now, we’ll assume honorable intentions on the parts of all parties. The “kicker” here is that, for many of us, if we’re going to leave an inheritance, we’re going to have to plan, save and, in all likelihood, DO WITHOUT.

“Without” what? Well, it could be without that next cruise or it could be without that next prescription – I’ve seen both. It could be stubbornly staying in a too-big, too-expensive, too-much-work house - And paying a significant physical price for doing it! – Because I’m going to By-God-leave-the-house-to-the-kids!

That can be lovely and loving and generous – It can also be a shoot-yourself-in-the-foot kind of strategy because we don’t do what we need to do to take care of ourselves, so the “kids” end up having to take care of us and everything goes down the drain and everybody ends up being WORSE off than they were before!

Think “moderation.”

For others, the view can be expressed as “…leaving you an ‘inheritance’ suggests bad planning on my part!” – In other words, I’m going to do what I want, when I want, the way I want! I earned it, and I’m going to do what I need to do. I came in with nothing (and you can do the same) and I’m going out with nothing (and you can do the same).

I know that sounds a little hostile, but I’m going to the extreme to make the point; actually, it rarely is “hostile,” it’s just a different view of life and the world, and is often seen as a way of empowering kids who are genuinely loved to make it on their own, learn the good lessons and earn the sense of confidence and achievement that comes with doing that. Amen.

The shoot-yourself-in-the-foot piece can be that we’re so busy spending it – Using it up cuz I ain’t gonna leave it! – That we don’t have “it” when we need “it” – Oops.

Think “moderation.” Again.

Just one more, for now: “I don’t want the kids to have to wait ‘til I’m dead to share the bounty (or “they need it now,” or whatever), so I’m going to start giving it to them a bit at a time while I’m still alive to enjoy watching them enjoy it!” Is there a shoot-yourself-in-the-foot piece to this?

Maybe. Medicare does not now, nor has it ever, paid for “long-term care” – Medicaid does. Medicaid eligibility is based, in part, on your income and assets, so what’s the “worst case?” Well, Dad descends into Alzheimer’s (or something that looks like it) and things get to the point where he requires 24-7, institutional care, and all his money gets spent paying for same. Kids help Dad apply for Medicaid. It’s then discovered that Dad gave away money to the kids, and a complicated mathematical formula is employed to calculate the number of months/YEARS that Dad is INeligible for Medicaid, so guess who pays for the care?

Is it “legal” to give money to your kids? Of course, it’s only a “problem” if/when Medicaid is expected to help pay for care.

So, what’s the best way to go in all this? I don’t know. I know what my biases and beliefs are, but that has nothing to do with what you might conclude, and that’s the conclusion of every piece of this “Boomer Primer:” Put it on your list if “things to think about,” then actually THINK ABOUT IT!

Hey: If aging were easy, everybody would do it.

Peninsula Daily News column, 8-25-11 "Realities of Alzheimer's subject of talk"

2011-08-25T16:29:00.000-07:00

I ended last week’s column by saying:”... next week we’ll get back to our ‘Boomer Primer’ thing – HEY: If aging were easy, everybody would do it!”

And, of course, everybody does, and from Day 1: You’re older today than you were yesterday, and you’ll be older by lunch time than you were at breakfast, blah blah – Obvious, right? Sure. And in a lot of day-to-day ways, it doesn’t really matter, until all those day-to-day days add up to months and years and years and years and suddenly, BOOM! It MATTERS!

And when it starts to matter, it often starts to matter a LOT, because that little voice that we usually bury under the day-to-dayness begins to get through, and begins to point out that all those day-to-day days won’t go on forever, which means that we could actually measure (in a very general sort of way) the distance between “here” and “there,” and we all know where “there” is.

The whole idea of this “Boomer Primer” thing (try saying that six times, fast!) is to get us all to think about things we need to think about if we’ve figured out that our days won’t go on forever – If we’re on the threshold, as it were – And there are two subjects that I know of that will turn a room full of energetic, opinionated Boomers into a collection of deer-in-the-headlights zombies, one being Medicare.

Medicare will usually induce group coma because of what’s perceived as its sheer complexity: This “part” and that “part” which connects to this over here IF you’ve selected one of 87 plans of that part depending upon your income and whether you’re working and where you live and if your doctor does or doesn’t and…And, then, of course, there’s the daunting aspect of attempting to decipher “explanations of benefits” that were never meant to be deciphered, and…

Oh, sure, there are always a few in the room who helped Mom or Dad with their Medicare stuff, and so have concluded that they understand the “elephant,” usually only to discover that what they understand is Mom’s or Dad’s side of the elephant, but DON’T PANIC! – Because, Medicare is not what I’m here to talk about (today!); no, today I want to talk about the OTHER subject that will generally lobotomize a room of full of booming Boomers: Alzheimer’s disease.

There are very few two-word phrases that I know of that will induce that level of fear: “Alzheimer’s disease.” It terrifies us because most of us have seen it, one way or the other, to one degree or another, in place or another. We know that there’s no cure, no hope and no way back, and we know that as the “me” fades away, we are likely to take people that we have purported to love, with us – And most of us, if the truth be known, would trade away a fair number of our remaining days to avoid that.

Toward the end of last year, in what may have been the last genuinely bipartisan effort of Congress (Nothing unites grossly disparate factions quicker than FEAR!), in our collective memory AND at right about the time I suggested it (he said, humbly), the National Alzheimer’s Plan Act got passed. That was a good idea because (a) there are 5.4 million folks living with Alzheimer’s in the U.S. right now, and that could rocket to 16 million by 2050, which is only 39 years away, AND (b) it’s the 6^th leading cause of death, and the only one in the “top ten” causes without a way to prevent, cure or even slow it’s progression! Convinced? Me, too.

So now the question becomes, what do we need that National Alzheimer’s Plan Act to actually do; after all, if you were inventing Medicare, would it look the way it currently looks? Probably not, so the Alzheimer’s Association’s Western and Central Washington State Chapter is putting on a series of public input sessions to hear from you – Us! – About what this Plan should include, which actually borders on uncommon common sense.

Nobody – I repeat, NOBODY – Knows as much about the day-to-day realities of this disease as do the people who are living with it, or have. And it doesn’t really matter if it is or was “Alzheimer’s” or any form of dementia or memory loss – If you’ve walked the walk, you know.

So we’re hoping that you’ll join us at the Sequim Senior Activity Center (921 E. Hammond Street in Sequim, if you didn’t know) tomorrow (August 26^th) from 1:00 to 3:00 to be a part of what we hope will be, someday, the “solution.” I’m told that I’m going to “moderate” this gathering, and I have absolutely no idea what that means, but I don’t care, because it isn’t about me – It’s about you, and what you know and what you’ve learned and what you need and what you worry about and what would actually help.

The Chapter will collect input from around the state and present it to the Department of Health and Human Services, the Federal agency responsible for actually creating said Plan. No way you can get to the Sequim Senior Activity Center tomorrow anywhere between 1:00 and 3:00? OK, I’m not going to pretend I don’t get it; then, go to www.alz.org/napa and see what you see, but the best thing would be to see you, tomorrow, and here’s why:

This is about thousands and millions of people’s lives, so we need the smartest folks around. We need you.

Peninsula Daily News column, 8-18-11 "Foreclosures and yet another scam"

2011-08-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

We’ve all been working on a “Boomer Primer,” which simply means a list of “things to think about” as we attempt to get a handle on this “aging thing,” but today I’m going to interrupt myself because, as you may have noticed, life is full of interruptions – That’s why we call it “life.”

Today I want to take a brief detour into some things that may do some folks some good right now, and “right now” can be pretty seductive if “right now” isn’t so great; for instance:

More and more of us, or people that more and more of us care about, are facing home foreclosure – It’s terrifying and it’s paralyzing, especially when you’ve been doing everything you can to avoid it and you’ve just hit the proverbial wall; well, what we’ve heard on those TV is promos is true: The worst thing we can do is nothing.

One of the few good things to come out of the last Washington legislative session was the creation of the “Foreclosure Mediation Program,” and it kicked-in on the 22^nd of July. It says that lenders have to notify borrowers of the availability of foreclosure counseling and the potential for mediation PRIOR TO foreclosure.

If you’re in this situation, whether you’ve been notified or not, call Washington’s “Foreclosure Prevention Hotline” at 1-877-894-HOME (1-877-894-4663) and do it RIGHT NOW. What (or who) you’ll get on the phone is a housing counselor, or an attorney, who know what they’re talking about, and can help you figure out what you can do, and that may be as far as you need to go.

IF there appears to be a legal issue, you’ll be referred to the “Home Foreclosure Legal Aid Project,” which is a partnership of the Northwest Justice Project and the Washington State Bar Association designed to provide pro bono (FREE!) legal assistance to low- and moderate-income folks and families facing foreclosure – And that means what?

Well, if you’re a household of two, is your annual income at or below $58,800ish? Or, if there are four of you, are you around $89,400? Yeah? Then, you’re in the ballpark for this help; remember, think “mediation.”

And remember, the only way (and the BEST way!) to access this help is to start with the pro’s at the Prevention Hotline, so please do that now, because it’s hard to care about tomorrow when today is terrifying.

Here’s another, meaning yet another scam: Do you find the Wonderful World of Medicare just a touch…confusing? Get a little lost in the labyrinth of Part Thos or Part That? And what about the “Affordable Care Act” and ACO’s and HMO’s and Advantage Plans and and and…? Well, that confusion hasn’t been lost on the Bad Guys, so some folks have gotten calls that say Medicare is phasing out the current Medicare card and issuing new ones. You’re then asked to verify your address, phone number, banking information, Medicare number, blah blah, and…You’ve been had.

“Medicare” will NEVER call you about anything like that – EVER! The “old” Medicare cards aren’t going anywhere, so just utter something rude and hang up. Please, always remember: Medicare will never call you for information that they already have. If you get a call like that, or something “weird” in the mail and you just aren’t sure, call any of the numbers at the end of this column and decent people will help you figure it out, for free.

Here’s another one that came at me, so I’m going to give it to you verbatim:

“’Coaching Into Care’ is a VA program that works with family members or friends who become aware of a Veteran’s post-deployment difficulties, and supports efforts to find help for the Veteran. This is a national clinical service providing information and help to Veterans and the loved ones who are concerned about them. Confidential help is available by calling 1-888-823-7458.”

Now, you know what I know.

Here’s the last one for today:

It seems that, on May 31^st of this year, Wells Fargo & Company (Wells Fargo) cut a deal with the U.S. Department of Justice to compensate folks with disabilities who experienced disability discrimination when trying to call Wells Fargo or Wachovia, or visit one of their branches or retail stores or, in any other way, access their services.

The discrimination could take the form of physical inaccessibility at branches, refusal by a branch to provide documents in alternate formats, refusals to accept relay calls, policies that cause barriers to equal access by folks with disabilities, etc, and those are just a few examples. If this happened to you, I’ll bet you know it.

You can file a claim for compensation by sending your name, address, email address and day and evening telephone numbers to WFclaims@usdoj.gov OR leaving a message at 1-866-708-1273 (TTY = 1-866-544-5309), but you have to do this BEFORE January 29, 2012. You have a right.

Enough for one day? OK, me, too, so next week we’ll get back to our “Boomer Primer” thing – HEY: If aging were easy, everybody would do it!

Peninsula Daily News column 8-11-11, "Before retirement, plan for is fiscally"

2011-08-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

We’ve embarked upon a journey of attempting to give Boomers (or whoever else might care to come along for the ride) a list of “Things to Think About” regarding the whole “aging thing.” We’re assuming that you (whoever “you” are) are in your early-to-mid 60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and have been shocked to discover that your immortality is in question; thus, a “Primer for Boomers” might be helpful.

It might not, but we’re doing it, anyway.

Last week we talked a bit about “retirement,” and we’ll get back to that, but we were content to observe that (a) you are not required to retire (and the fact is that you’re probably lucky to be working at all!), (b) “retirement” can mean different things to different people; (c) retirement could be WONDERFUL!, and (d) retirement can kill – Not bad for one lousy Thursday – AND we concluded with the obvious observation that…Money counts.

That seems apparent, right? It isn’t. I don’t know how many folks I’ve watched vault into retirement – DESPERATE to get out of their particular “rat race!” – Only to trip (and, usually, rather rapidly and unceremoniously) over a big “OOPS!” called “money;” or, more specifically, not enough of it.

If you’re wealthy to the point that this is an inconceivable concern, never mind; besides, you probably aren’t putting your Wall Street investment broker on “hold” to read this little column, anyway – For the rest of us, think about it.

Statistically and actuarially, we are likely to outlive our parents and grandparents – That’s probably good, but it also means that we are more likely to outlive our money, which is not so good. Now, if your profession, employment potential/status quo, temperament, endurance and goals are such that you have no intention of retiring, again, never mind – But if you’re thinking that retirement (whatever that is) might be an attractive prospect, you need to think about money.

Have you been saving anything for retirement, e.g. 401-K or whatever? Can you start? Can you increase? Do you have investments of whatever nature? How are they doing? How are they likely to do? Could you live on them?

If your income, assets and “situation” are such that you need to do some serious “financial planning,” then go find a serious Financial Planner, preferably a certified serious Financial Planner, and here’s why you would want to do that, as opposed to just listening to me, who is a Social Worker: (1) I know very few wealthy social workers, and (2) have yet to see one in any of the myriad mirrors that assault me on a daily basis – Go forth and plan! Now.

What about Social Security? Now, wait a minute, because I’m going to openly sidestep any political concerns, fears, opinions or prognostications regarding Social Security because I don’t know what is or isn’t going to happen – And neither do you. All of any of us non-wealthy folks can do is try to be as responsible as possible in the game that currently exists, so for most of us, Social Security is a factor – For many of us, Social Security is a MAJOR factor!

Have you been getting estimates of your Social Security benefits along the way? If not, start now, because they will not only get you into your Social Security “ballpark,” but they also allow you to verify that Social Security has your correct earnings info – AND, the “window” for correcting incorrect info is limited, so I repeat: Start!

But let’s say that you’ve been tracking this and now you want to begin to look at some scenarios for how you might live if you want to actually live: you can go to http://www.socialsecurity.gov/estimator/ and begin to “play.” You can do this IF you have enough credits to qualify for Social Security benefits and you are NOT (a) currently receiving Social Security benefits on your own record; (b) 62 or better and receiving benefits on another person’s record (think “divorce”), or (c) eligible for a pension based on work that is NOT covered by Social Security. If you have no idea what any of that means, or what “credits” are, go rummage around on http://www.socialsecurity.gov/ and TAKE YOUR TIME.

“OK” to all of the above? Good! Go do it! It’s a pretty slick tool! By the way, there’s a link there for helping you to think about what is the “best” age to start receiving Social Security (which is a SERIOUS consideration for a lot of folks for a lot of reasons) and even one for estimating your life expectancy, if that’s the kind of day you’re having.

Most professionals who are good at “planning for retirement” talk a lot about “income,” which is why they are good at planning for retirement. The often ignored other-side-of-the-coin is “debt” – Oops. Look: If you’re retirement income is $10,000 per month, but you’re liabilities (debt) total $9,500 per month, you are NOT in good shape. If you’re in debt, do everything you can to either get out or reduce it as dramatically as possible. If you have no idea how to do that, find someone who can help to guide you, and they’re out there.

Balancing “debt reduction” with “income generation” (in other words, paying “it” off vs. saving for retirement) can be delicate. Use the same simplistic example from above: If you don’t owe anybody anything, but you’re only bringing in $500 per month, you are NOT in good shape, so think it through, and if you need a “pro” to help you, get one.

If your employment prospects are great, you have no intention of retiring, you like paying interest and have never encountered the phrase, “delayed gratification,” never mind.

Again, the point of this whole “Boomer Primer” thing is to get you to think, not to get you to go “this way” or “that way.” What we’re trying to do is avoid ugly surprises that often come 6-12 months into what was supposed to be a reasonably happy retirement, which may (or may not) be part of your whole “aging thing.”

If you like surprises, feel free to do absolutely nothing, as you celebrate your bold and fearless spirit!

…with a can of tuna.

Peninsula Daily News column 8-4-11, "Retirement: Be realistic about time"

2011-08-04T18:13:00.000-07:00

OK, now, what’re we doing?

Well, mercifully, I have no idea what you’re doing at the moment, nor do I feel a pressing need to know (propriety being what it is), but the rest of us are just embarking on an extended glimpse at what this “aging thing” might look like if you’re in your early-to-mid 60’s, or closing in on same; in other words, a primer for Boomers – “Things to think about,” as it were.

Here’s some really good advice: Go find some really good advice – And the best place to look will be in the minds and hearts of folks who have done, or are doing, “it;” preferably folks who, as near as you can tell, have done or are doing “it” reasonably well. And don’t forget to ask things like, “What would you do differently?” Or, “What do you wish you hadn’t done?” If they like you, and they think that you’re genuinely interested, they’ll probably tell you the truth.

And ask more than one.

Last week, we got out of the gate with “DON’T PANIC,” meaning simply that this “aging thing” is doable, and we danced around our own mortality, trying to get to some acceptance about the fact we probably won’t live forever, but that it isn’t over ‘til it’s over; in other words, who (and how) do we choose to be.

Assuming that, since you’ve had an entire week to resolve one of the great philosophical, spiritual and metaphysical conundrums of life, you’re ready to move on, let’s charge headlong into another very big word: RETIREMENT.

Here’s something that startles a lot of folks: You are not required to retire.

Well, you’re not! – Now, it’s possible that you’re particular line of work may have some “mandatory retirement” requirement, or it’s entirely possible that whatever it is you do requires a significant degree of physical strain that might make doing it into your 70’s or 80’s less than irresistible, but for most of us, not so much.

A more likely response for many of us working folks is, “I can’t WAIT to retire!” What that usually means is: I’m-sick-of-doing-this-particular-thing-and-the-BS-that-goes-along-with-it-and-I’d-just-like-to-have-every-day-be-a-Saturday! I get it.

And when we say that, we’re thinking about our “to do” lists or untamed gardens or uncaught fish or unread books or grandchildren that we haven’t see for two hours or or or…OK, I get that, too, so close your eyes for just a minute and think about it – Think about having every single day all to yourself (more or less) – What does that look like?

How many years will it take you to clean out the garage?

Or work through all those recipes or books or paint the fence or wash the windows or write those letters or learn to speak Laotian?

And are you going to do all that stuff mostly at home, alone? Or just with each other? How does that look to you?

It wasn’t that long ago that what happened (mostly to men, but not exclusively) was that you worked- worked-WORKED, then you retired, hung-out for a couple of years and died on a convenient, actuarial schedule; well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, BUT…You are NOT your grandfather – Or even your father (well, of course you are, but let’s not get distracted by genetics and questionable pastimes) - The fact is, you are likely to live noticeably longer than they did.

Got it? Now, close your eyes again and think about all that stuff again, and be realistic: How many zucchinis are your neighbors really going to be willing to take off your hands?

Do I sound negative? If I do, I apologize, because I’ve seen many folks spring into blissful retirement and enjoy every minute of it! They love every day and give of themselves and can’t imagine doing anything else or being any happier! And here’s something else I’ve seen: Retirement kills – Or it can.

It can if you haven’t given it a modicum of thought, because there will still be 24 hours in every day and seven days in every week – Are you someone who can enjoy that? Will you revel in that lack of structure? Will you have ways to “contribute?” Things to do that make you feel OK about you? If YES, HALLELUJAH!

If NO, be prepared to rust as your world gets smaller and smaller, and you fill up your days with things that just fill up days, and those “questionable pastimes” become “lifestyles.”

There is no “right” or “wrong” here – The point is to get this on your “Things to think about” list. Do you want to retire, or do you just need a vacation? Or do you need to quit working at what you’ve been working at and go work at something else? That’s allowed. Or, just work a little less? Happens all the time.

And, of course, there is something else to consider here, remembering that you aren’t your mother or your grandmother: This is the western hemisphere in the 21^st century, and this is America: Money counts.

A little something different: The Olympic Area Agency on Aging runs and funds a number of services for Elders, folks with disabilities, caregivers, etc. Every four years, they are required to put together an “Area Plan” that details all of their programs and services, and what is planned for the next four years, and you could have a look at that by going to http://o3a.org/ (or you could call 379-5064 or 1-866-720-4863 and ask for a copy); then, if you have something to say about what you see, you could show up at the Clallam County courthouse at 1:30 on August 8^th and say it.

It’s called a “public hearing” because the idea is to hear from the public.

Peninsula Daily News column 7-28-11, "Don't panic about not being 39 anymore"

2011-07-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Twenty five years ago, back when I started doing whatever it is I do at the tender age of 14, our job was to help “seniors” (not my favorite term, but we’ll leave that rant for another Thursday). I loved it then and I love it now.

Interestingly, though, a lot of “seniors” back then, and many who have achieved the age of majority and, presumably, maturity during these twenty five years, while I attempted to cope with puberty and acne, knew their way “around the block;” that is, folks kind of “got” Social Security, Medicare, retirement, aging, etc – They’d anticipated it, they’d seen it done, they understood it.

That’s not to say that everyone got it “right” (whatever “right” is) or never needed help (Did I mention Medicare?) or were just happy-as-clams until they moved on to better things, but the majority of the majority “got it” – They spoke the language.

So, twenty five years later, what’s changed? Well, Medicare is exponentially more complicated, it takes more money just to live, while the economy is tanking, families are spread out over multiple time zones and the largest demographic hiccup in the history of the planet (Yes, the Boomers) have been working their collective tails off trying to raise kids and help Mom and Dad (and/or Grandma and Grandpa and/or in-laws and/or…). So, what?

Well, the “So, what?” is that vast numbers of Boomers are finding themselves within striking range of “aging” – Oops. What that usually means is that it suddenly dawned on somebody that somebody was going to have to sign-up for Social Security (maybe) or Medicare (maybe) or think about retirement (maybe) – Oops!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M NOT 39?! (Well, actually, I am – Just do the math above) That’s an astounding realization for most busy, hard-working people, because most busy, hard-working Boomers are in their early-to-mid 60’s, or rapidly closing in on same – It’s shocking, it’s scary and it’s sufficiently overwhelming for many to lapse back into denial (“I’ll think about that some other time”), which can actually work pretty well when you’re busy and working hard; unfortunately, that “other time” often occurs late in the evening, in bed, with the lights out: Oh My…! – And then, it’s morning.

Oops.

I hear this a lot from a lot of folks who aren’t 39: “What do I do? How do I do it? What do I need to know? I don’t know what I don’t know! Oh My…!”

First, DON’T PANIC – It doesn’t help, it isn’t pretty and it scares pets.

Second, we’re going to go “there,” meaning we’ll start talking about this “aging stuff;” No, I have no intention of offering some scholarly treatise or comprehensive compendium of everything that everybody could possibly need to know about being older than 39 – I probably couldn’t if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.

No, let’s just talk about stuff that seems to come up a lot – Or should. And I’ll assume that you (whoever “you” are) are in your early-to-mid 60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, so you have some time to think and plan (Note: If that assumption is NOT true for you, and you need help with something RIGHT NOW, call any of the numbers at the end of this column and decent people will help you, for free – I promise).

OK? So, this is NOT a crisis, but if you keep lapsing back into denial and losing sleep while you pretend that calendars go backward, it will be – And soon enough.

OK? Have you had enough of “Oops?” Me, too, so kick-back, because this is going to take a while, but the “good news” is, we’ve got a while. Here we go:

DON’T PANIC. I’m serious – Look around you, and tell me what you see? Never mind, I’ll tell you: What you see is a LOT of “seniors” who are happy, healthy, alive, well, laughing, “part of the solution” and wondering how they ever found time to hold down a job! Or, maybe they are holding down a job! Whatever! What you need to notice is: They aren’t dead.

True, they (like you – Or me, if I wasn’t 39) have their troubles and/or medical issues and/or chronic conditions and/or difficulties, and they (like you, NOT me!) probably can’t do everything they used to be able to do, or as fast, or as…often, but they aren’t dead.

Don’t be too quick to shrug this off: The personal realization that we aren’t going to be 39 forever can be devastating for some, because it means that we will, eventually, die; sure we knew that, but not really – And that’s scary.

And then we start imagining (or, even worse, assuming) that our lives will spiral down and down into increasing disability, needing more and more help, able to do less and less, until we become whatever it is (or WHOever it is) that we saw that happen to, so our lives “end” long before they end.

Does that happen? Yes. Does it happen to everybody? NO! Can I keep it from happening to me? Maybe. Can you guarantee that, Harvey? No.

This is Earth – Nobody guaranteed you anything from the day you got here, and nobody is going to start now, but you’ve made this far – Somehow. Somehow, you’ve gotten through 5-6 (or more) decades, and I’ll bet more than your anticipated Social Security that it wasn’t always easy.

I’ll bet it took courage and stamina and will. I’ll bet you suffered and I’ll bet you got hurt. I’ll bet you won some and you lost some, and I’ll bet you laid dreams, hopes, pets and people to rest along the way – But here you are.

And I’ll bet that you’ve laughed and loved and reveled and played and savored and celebrated and GLORIED in the wonder of it all!

And all along the way, you’ve decided who this person is that you will be; well, nothing has changed. You will still be required to make that same decision, every single day, so start today: Who do you choose to be?

And how do you choose to be?

And what do you want the people around you to take from your “take” on life?

It’s OK to be a little scared – That’s natural – But if that’s all there is, then that’s all there is.

And remember, we’re just getting out of the gate, so for now: Don’t panic.

Peninsula Daily News column, 7-21-11 "Today scary enough without Chicken Little"

2011-07-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe Chicken Little was right; at least, sometimes it sure feels that way.

I listen to a lot of folks who are in a lot of different circumstances throughout most of western Washington on a daily basis. Most of them are “older” (“Older” than what? – Older than yesterday, I guess), and here’s what I’m hearing over and over: Fear.

If you stop and think about it (although few of us ever do), “change” isn’t something that most of us embrace with giddy enthusiasm; no, most of us would like things to pretty much stay the way they pretty much are, right now. There are, of course, exceptions, like I-just-had-surgery-four-hours-ago or I’m-going-to-have-surgery-four-hours-from-now or I-can’t-afford-to-even-walk-by-a-dentist’s-office-and-my-mouth-hurts-too-much-to-eat or my-daughter-is-moving-back-in-with-me-until-she-can-get-her-last-tattoo-paid-off or…Well, you get it, but most of us are pretty enamored with the status quo.

This isn’t exactly “news;” for instance, the old cliché about “…the devil you know…” has been around since Paul Revere rode somewhere to warn somebody of something, depending on what version of historical improvisation one subscribes to and, likely, well before that. So, what’s the deal?

Most of us have been around long enough to know that “change” is constant and inevitable, so what’s so scary about it? Well, I certainly don’t pretend to know, nor do I pretend to be scholarly enough or philosophical enough to figure it all out, but near-as-I-can-tell, here’s what I think we all like so much about “today:” I’m not dead.

For the few of us who actually stop and think about it long enough to stop and think about it, not being dead is a pretty attractive thing, generally speaking; granted, things may not be great, and maybe we don’t feel so swell and maybe we’re worrying about how to pay for this-or-that, or maybe we’re getting slammed in the face by the realization that we just can’t do what we used to be able to do and that we probably aren’t going to wake up tomorrow being 30-something; still, we aren’t dead today, so today can look pretty good.

In my decidedly unscholarly and non-philosophical view, most of us just want to be able to handle “life;” to be able to do what we need to do with a minimum of pain, hassle and drama. To be reasonably safe, reasonably comfortable, eat, pay the bills, take care of ourselves in our own ways and maybe – If we’re REALLY lucky! – Love and be loved. Pretty much everything else is just “stuff.”

And if you’re “older” or not feeling so great or all the parts don’t work or on a permanently broken “fixed” income or alone…Today is plenty scary enough.

Then some turkey leaves the backdoor open and Chicken Little slips in:

“The Social Security Trust Fund can’t be trusted!”

“Medicare is going away!”

“Medicaid is going away!”

“Healthcare is going up and gas is going up and food is going up and electricity is going up and heat is going up and my income isn’t!”

“Death panels!”

“Put on a blindfold and pin-the-tail on the next war!”

“THEY are going to blow us all up!”

“This program that is keeping me going is going away!”

…and the climate isn’t changing and plague and pestilence and pirates and hate and…”Them.”

“They” know that fear motivates people, so since “they” want you to do whatever it is that “they” want you to do, “they” want you scared! – Whoever “they” are - And, unfortunately, they’ve gotten to be pretty good at it.

So we end up being so scared about tomorrow that we lose today, and that’s the scariest thing I can think of.

Sure, a lot of that bad stuff is out there and, certainly, bad things are happening; and, of course, we need to do the best we can and try to plan and try to improve and try to be smart and, if we have opinions, by all means, express them! – But, today is still today, and we’re still able to do what we’re able to do – Today.

Maybe some of these changes will be for the better! Maybe “bad things” will be replaced by “good things!” Maybe we have to “hit bottom” before we can start back up, and maybe tomorrow will be BETTER than today!

…and maybe the sun will rise in the north!

But…fear?? After everything that most of us have lived through…fear? Enough.

I know, like you know, that most of us won’t change the world, because we can’t; sure, we would if we could, but…So, do what?

Take back “today” from those who would take it from us. Have a little faith. Remember what courage really is. Cope.

Hold your head UP, because we’re not dead.

…and put Chicken Little on the menu for tomorrow.

Peninsula Daily News column 7-14-11 "Reader walks the walk on caregiving"

2011-07-15T16:12:00.000-07:00

Last week I went on about caregivers and caregiving. I do that a lot because there are a lot of caregivers do a lot of caregiving, whether we think of ourselves as “caregivers,” or not.

And there are getting to be more and more of us caregivers doing caregiving all the time; in fact, on an hourly basis – Literally. And if we cave in…Well, it won’t be pretty for anybody.

So I go on and on about this because what it really comes down to is keeping people alive, whether you’re giving the care or getting the care – Alive, day-by-day, getting through the day – Alive.

OK, so I go on and on, but no one ever has or ever will say it as well as folks who have walked the walk, or still are, so here’s what one reader has to say, with her permission; we’ll call her “Joanne,” because that’s her name:

“I read your column in the PDN faithfully. You are just so right on about so many things. Especially when you address the subject of caregivers. I was one of those for many years--without even knowing it.

My husband died of Alzheimer's. Being a caregiver to an adult is akin to being the parent of a tiny, helpless infant, only in reverse. The baby cannot care for itself; talk, walk, or do anything. Then it starts to smile, cries, burbles a bit and gradually it grows into a real, happy independent person.

For the ill adult the process works backwards: slowly and almost imperceptibly he/she becomes more and more dependent on someone else as he/she gradually becomes less able take care of himself: cannot dress himself, feed himself, walk, communicate, or do any of the things we automatically take for granted that adults do.

We are aware that our loved one can't do these things but we refuse to accept it. Denial is so much easier. We think if we work hard enough and love hard enough we can keep things running along as they were. But they don't. And we certainly don't want our friends or family members to know how difficult things are--we don't want to fail at our ‘job’ of giving loving care. I know, I've been there.

As a result we often don't realize (or won't even consider) what is happening to us until finally a doctor says, "You do realize your husband/wife, has Alzheimer's?"

Of course we don't. How could we? This couldn't happen to us! But, sadly, it can and does.

That realization often comes about the same time the caregiver is totally exhausted, or perhaps discovers ‘she/he’ has a heart condition or some other major devastating illness that will keep us from continuing our self-appointed tasks. That's usually when the ill partner ends up in a nursing home or perhaps has to have full time home care. And life as it always was is over for both partners.

I know, I've been there. I was the ‘lucky’ one--I was the caregiver. I had the heart condition.

We moved to Port Townsend less than two years ago and my husband entered a nursing home. He had to have full-time care. I visited him daily, but his daily care was now being done very well by others. He quit walking and used a walker, then a wheelchair. He gradually quit talking or participating in any activities. He no longer knew my name. He did, however, brighten up and give me a big smile when he saw me, held my hand and kissed me goodbye when I left. These visits were so very sad. He was really gone.

It's been nearly eight months since he died. I'm still working on regaining my health, thanks to good exercise and care. I am lucky to be here and have the loving family and friends I have, but I'm concerned about friends and others who are going through what I went through and are still in the denial stage. Being a caregiver is not always a choice but a necessity, and caregivers also need help.

You offer much hope and good ideas for caregivers through your valuable columns. Thank you so very much for what you are doing to help so many others.”

Sad story? Or a wonderful story about a sad thing? Joanne is a “survivor” and, obviously, did what she needed to do and chose to do so, to me, it’s a wonderful story. Could “help” have helped her? I don’t know. Could “help” you? I don’t know, but if you’re walking this walk, the word “help” is likely to get your attention, so one more time:

If you’re in east Jefferson County, call Heaven Gregg at 379-4421 or 800-801-0050. Port Angeles/Sequim? Call Carolyn at 417-8554 or 866-450-3152. West End? Susie, at 374-9496 or 888-571-6559.

Speaking of “help,” here’s another one from a been-there, done-that reader:

“I have a couple of books to recommend to you and your readers. The first is brand new: ‘A Bitter-Sweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents – And Ourselves,’ by Jane Gross. I wish I’d had this book when caring for my mother. Not only does Gross narrate her horrendous experiences. But also gives practical advice about dealing with agencies (ahem!) and getting the most from them.

The second book I read a few years ago, and mainly concerns Alzheimer’s patients in an institutional setting; surprisingly, it’s funny as well as sad. It’s called, ‘Dancing with Rose,’ and the author is Kessler (forgot the first name). I practically forced it on my mom’s wonderful caregiver, and she liked it, too.”

“Help” only helps if it helps and, sometimes, just knowing that you’re not alone, helps.

You’re not.

Peninsula Daily News column, 7-14-11 "Reader walks the walk on caregiving"

2011-07-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Last week I went on about caregivers and caregiving. I do that a lot because there are a lot of caregivers do a lot of caregiving, whether we think of ourselves as “caregivers,” or not.

And there are getting to be more and more of us caregivers doing caregiving all the time; in fact, on an hourly basis – Literally. And if we cave in…Well, it won’t be pretty for anybody.

As a result we often don't realize (or won't even consider) what is happening to us until finally a doctor says, "You do realize your husband/wife, has Alzheimer's?"

Of course we don't. How could we? This couldn't happen to us! But, sadly, it can and does.

I know, I've been there. I was the ‘lucky’ one--I was the caregiver. I had the heart condition.

not always a choice but a necessity, and caregivers also need help.

You offer much hope and good ideas for caregivers through your valuable columns. Thank you so very much for what you are doing to help so many others.”

If you’re in east Jefferson County, call Heaven Gregg at 379-4421 or 800-801-0050. Port Angeles/Sequim? Call Carolyn at 417-8554 or 866-450-3152. West End? Susie, at 374-9496 or 888-571-6559.

Speaking of “help,” here’s another one from a been-there, done-that reader:

“Help” only helps if it helps and, sometimes, just knowing that you’re not alone, helps.

You’re not.

Peninsula Daily News column, 7-7-11 "Help is out there for caregivers"

2011-07-07T16:36:00.000-07:00

“Caregiver” is a funny word, because it means almost nothing to the people that it’s meant to describe.

Everybody else knows what it means – Pretty much, more-or-less – But to most of the people that are actually “giving care,” it means…somebody else, like people who get paid to do the hardest work there is, whether that’s in folks’ homes or facilities or wherever; sometimes, it can even mean “…what my mother did” or “…what my sister is doing” or whomever wherever, but it almost never means “me.”

Because “I” am just the daughter or the grandson or the wife or the husband or the cousin or the niece or (Yes, I’ve seen this) the ex-spouse, or or or – Or any combination thereof. And I’m just doing what I: want to do/need to do/should do/am supposed to do/have to do because of love/loyalty/duty/necessity or – Default: There isn’t anyone else who can.

Or will.

So, it’s “me,” and I’m taking care of someone who needs to be taken care of – It’s what I “do,” not who I am.

Wanna bet?

Here (again) is my operative definition of a “caregiver:” A caregiver is someone who is taking care of someone who needs to be taken care of, whether they (or you) like it or not. Sound familiar?

Maybe you, Caregiver, are honored to be able to do what you’re doing – Maybe you’re not. Maybe you do what you do out of love – Maybe you don’t. Maybe you’re just one of those magical people who are natural caregivers and can give and give and give and find joy and fulfillment in the moment-to-moment acts of kindness and generosity that fill every day, while keeping several thousand balls in the air simultaneously in a never-ending performance of juggling 36 hours through a 24-hour day.

Maybe you’re not.

But those of us who do it, or have done it, know what’s true: It started out being “what we do,” then, somehow, it gradually became “who we are,” and it doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s 24-7/365 or just helping with this-and-that, now-and-then – It changes you; maybe for the better, maybe not, but change you, it will.

It already has. Maybe it changed your life or your own family or your job or your habits, or even where you live. Maybe you’re doing things that you thought you’d never do, or things that you thought you couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do. And, maybe, this is all you can see for as far as you can see – It changes you.

So, on we go, day after inevitable day, not being “caregivers” – No, that’s somebody else.

No, it isn’t.

And here’s something else that is almost universal for all of us who aren’t caregivers: There is almost no such thing as help, because here’s what we know: There is nothing and nobody who could do it as well or as gently or as lovingly or as skillfully or as patiently or as correctly or as unselfishly or as consistently as we can. Nothing. Nobody. Just us, so on we go, because going on is all there is.

OK, I get it, but what if there were help for those of us who aren’t caregivers? - I didn’t say “miracles,” I said “help” – What then? Would you take it? I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking, “Hmpf – Depends on what ‘help’ is.” You’re right; me, too. And what’s “help” to you might not be “help” to me. Fair enough.

But would you try it? I know you don’t have time, but if this is all you can see for as far as you can see, would you try? – Then try this:

If you live in the general vicinity of Port Angeles or Sequim, call Carolyn Lindley at 417-8554 (1-866-450-3152). If you’re in or around the West End, call Susie Brandelius at 374-9496 or 1-888-571-6559. If you’re anywhere in east Jefferson county, call Heaven Gregg at 379-4421 (1-800-801-0050) and say “caregiver” or “caregiving” or something like that – They’ll get it – And see where it goes. They can’t sell you anything because they don’t have anything to sell, and it’s not like you’ll be obligated to do anything – You can always hang-up or walk away, and go back to not being a caregiver.

You have nothing to lose, except a few minutes that you can’t afford, and I know that as well as you do, but…What if…? Maybe. If it’s all you can see for as far as you can see – Maybe.

And as long as we’re talking about miracles (because, we are), try this: What if you had a “chronic condition,” like diabetes or asthma or heart disease or arthritis or chronic pain or any of several thousand others, and you had an opportunity to manage those symptoms and get some of your life back, would you take it? I didn’t say get “well” – I said, “…get some of your life back” – Maybe?

OK, you have another shot at a free (Yes, FREE) “Living Well with Chronic Conditions” workshop. It’s going to start next Thursday (July 21^st) at the Port Angeles Senior Center (328 E. 7^th), at 1:00, and go until 3:30; then, it’ll be at the same time for five more Thursdays. Not sure? Fair enough, go to http://livingwell.doh.wa.gov/ and have a look.

The people who run these know what they’re doing, and the other people who will be there will know what you’re doing – Because they’re doing it, too. Just call Paulette at 1-866-582-1487 and say “OK” (or something like that) then, do it. It changes lives.

If it’s all you can see for as far as you can see, maybe.

Peninsula Daily News column 7-7-11 "Help is out there for caregivers"

2011-07-06T16:14:00.000-07:00