“Caregiver” is a funny word, because it means almost nothing to the people that it’s meant to describe.
Everybody else knows what it means – Pretty much, more-or-less – But to most of the people that are actually “giving care,” it means…somebody else, like people who get paid to do the hardest work there is, whether that’s in folks’ homes or facilities or wherever; sometimes, it can even mean “…what my mother did” or “…what my sister is doing” or whomever wherever, but it almost never means “me.”
Because “I” am just the daughter or the grandson or the wife or the husband or the cousin or the niece or (Yes, I’ve seen this) the ex-spouse, or or or – Or any combination thereof. And I’m just doing what I: want to do/need to do/should do/am supposed to do/have to do because of love/loyalty/duty/necessity or – Default: There isn’t anyone else who can.
Or will.
So, it’s “me,” and I’m taking care of someone who needs to be taken care of – It’s what I “do,” not who I am.
Wanna bet?
Here (again) is my operative definition of a “caregiver:” A caregiver is someone who is taking care of someone who needs to be taken care of, whether they (or you) like it or not. Sound familiar?
Maybe you, Caregiver, are honored to be able to do what you’re doing – Maybe you’re not. Maybe you do what you do out of love – Maybe you don’t. Maybe you’re just one of those magical people who are natural caregivers and can give and give and give and find joy and fulfillment in the moment-to-moment acts of kindness and generosity that fill every day, while keeping several thousand balls in the air simultaneously in a never-ending performance of juggling 36 hours through a 24-hour day.
Maybe you’re not.
But those of us who do it, or have done it, know what’s true: It started out being “what we do,” then, somehow, it gradually became “who we are,” and it doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s 24-7/365 or just helping with this-and-that, now-and-then – It changes you; maybe for the better, maybe not, but change you, it will.
It already has. Maybe it changed your life or your own family or your job or your habits, or even where you live. Maybe you’re doing things that you thought you’d never do, or things that you thought you couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do. And, maybe, this is all you can see for as far as you can see – It changes you.
So, on we go, day after inevitable day, not being “caregivers” – No, that’s somebody else.
No, it isn’t.
And here’s something else that is almost universal for all of us who aren’t caregivers: There is almost no such thing as help, because here’s what we know: There is nothing and nobody who could do it as well or as gently or as lovingly or as skillfully or as patiently or as correctly or as unselfishly or as consistently as we can. Nothing. Nobody. Just us, so on we go, because going on is all there is.
OK, I get it, but what if there were help for those of us who aren’t caregivers? - I didn’t say “miracles,” I said “help” – What then? Would you take it? I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking, “Hmpf – Depends on what ‘help’ is.” You’re right; me, too. And what’s “help” to you might not be “help” to me. Fair enough.
But would you try it? I know you don’t have time, but if this is all you can see for as far as you can see, would you try? – Then try this:
If you live in the general vicinity of Port Angeles or Sequim, call Carolyn Lindley at 417-8554 (1-866-450-3152). If you’re in or around the West End, call Susie Brandelius at 374-9496 or 1-888-571-6559. If you’re anywhere in east Jefferson county, call Heaven Gregg at 379-4421 (1-800-801-0050) and say “caregiver” or “caregiving” or something like that – They’ll get it – And see where it goes. They can’t sell you anything because they don’t have anything to sell, and it’s not like you’ll be obligated to do anything – You can always hang-up or walk away, and go back to not being a caregiver.
You have nothing to lose, except a few minutes that you can’t afford, and I know that as well as you do, but…What if…? Maybe. If it’s all you can see for as far as you can see – Maybe.
And as long as we’re talking about miracles (because, we are), try this: What if you had a “chronic condition,” like diabetes or asthma or heart disease or arthritis or chronic pain or any of several thousand others, and you had an opportunity to manage those symptoms and get some of your life back, would you take it? I didn’t say get “well” – I said, “…get some of your life back” – Maybe?
OK, you have another shot at a free (Yes, FREE) “Living Well with Chronic Conditions” workshop. It’s going to start next Thursday (July 21st) at the Port Angeles Senior Center (328 E. 7th), at 1:00, and go until 3:30; then, it’ll be at the same time for five more Thursdays. Not sure? Fair enough, go to http://livingwell.doh.wa.gov/ and have a look.
The people who run these know what they’re doing, and the other people who will be there will know what you’re doing – Because they’re doing it, too. Just call Paulette at 1-866-582-1487 and say “OK” (or something like that) then, do it. It changes lives.
If it’s all you can see for as far as you can see, maybe.
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