I changed my mind, but this is Earth, so I can do that.
When I started this whole “Boomer Primer” thing, about the whole “aging thing,” I had a kinda-sorta “plan,” and the last chapter of the Boomer Primer was going to be about “What to Do When a Death Occurs” – Makes sense, right? “Last chapter,” and all that?
But I changed my mind, because there will be plenty of Sundays in the future to brighten up with that happy prospect, and I don’t want to conclude this whole thing on aging with death. I want to conclude it with life.
We hear so much about the downsides of aging and all its complications and pratfalls and pitfalls and complexities and losses and…help. And look who’s talking! I go on about “help” incessantly! But that’s not all there is to it; in fact, it (they, them…whatever) isn’t the biggest part and it CERTAINLY isn’t the best part!
The “best part,” at least according to the hundreds of people who have taken the time to teach me, is growing up.
And, with any luck at all, becoming a bit more child-like, in the process.
Leaving behind petty worries, petty jealousies and ego problems. Cashing-in territoriality for inclusion. Understanding that competition can be fun, as long as it doesn’t matter who wins or loses.
The people who have taught me have taught me that it doesn’t matter what you are – It matters who you are, and people can feel that: The age or the color or the accent or the clothing or the little ways we find to decorate ourselves don’t matter – What matters is sincerity and gentleness and honesty and caring.
Civility matters. Courtesy matters. Understanding that I can like you (or, at least, accept you) without agreeing with you, matters.
Humor matters, and the funniest things walking around are ourselves.
Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. Know when to speak up and know when to shut up. And know that people who talk about being “wise,” usually aren’t.
Accepting that you didn’t get it all “right” – That there were things you are ashamed of – But learning to live without shame, or shaming.
Learning patience. I know that seems odd, especially if you think of “aging” as having less and less time all the time…I need to HURRY! You need to HURRY! I don’t have time!
Patience isn’t sloth and patience isn’t “old” – Patience is the acceptance of our place in the Universe, and an abiding faith in it.
And learning faith, whatever that means to you. Having seen it all and done it all, faith – An acknowledgement of patterns and cycles and change and inevitability. Trust. Experience. The ability to see what has always been in front of you. Faith.
The ability to be amazed! Wonder-struck! Fascinated by the mundane! To ask “why,” and taking the time to listen to the answer – When there is one.
The gift of being excited about a gift! Curious, anticipating the concealed surprise! Joy! Laughter!
And the ability to take a nap when you’re sleepy.
And eat when you’re hungry.
To find special people when you’re lonely, and to be alone when you’re not.
Learning to learn and learn and learn, but being selective about it because we quit caring about the “in” crowd a long time ago.
And that power is a tool, not an end.
Many of the Elders that I know and have known spend a considerable amount of time looking back. They do that as a way of celebrating, of honoring and of understanding where “here” is – When “now” is. A way of seeing that the road to “here” is still the road to “there,” because there is no “there,” so embracing the road.
The path. We’re only here, I’ve heard it said, to leave the way we came. You either bend or you break.
Freedom isn’t just another word – It’s unloading monkey after monkey from that tired, old back and being glad for the lighter load – Baggage is for airports.
The ability to laugh and celebrate and lighten-up and not take everything SO seriously! And the ability to still be offended by offensive things, like cruelty and selfishness and greed and dishonesty.
The ability to teach what’s important and what isn’t, while still remembering how you looked at that age.
And maybe it’s the time when you can cease to be embarrassed by those scars and start being proud of them.
So, I think the question at the end of an “aging thing” isn’t what do you do when a death occurs, it’s “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
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