Good Morning! Are we ready to move on to the next thing? How about moving on to the same old thing? – Like, caregiving…?
I know, but just give me a minute. Let’s start by agreeing upon our same old (well, OK, my same old) definition of a caregiver, alright? A caregiver is somebody who is taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, whether they like it or not. There.
And what do we know about this thing called “caregiving?” Especially those of us who have walked (or are walking) the walk? We know that it takes a toll. We also know that, for some, it can be a supreme act of love, of loyalty and of commitment. It can give us reason – Purpose – And, Yes: Fulfillment. It can be, in those ways, the best of times.
We also know that it’s unbelievably stressful! – Exhausting, worrisome, never-ending, ever-changing, too much too fast, no time for “me” – STRESSFUL! And in the most extreme cases, the caregiver is the first to go. It doesn’t happen to all of us, but it isn’t unusual. The worst of times.
Well, listen to this: Some researchers in Massachusetts have compiled some data that suggests that there could actually be some health benefits from caregiving! I know, but just give me a minute.
Comparing two groups of women with an average age of early-to-mid 80’s – Caregivers vs. non-caregivers – The caregivers were, indeed, more stressed! They also had lower mortality rates. Yup. And even those who were classified as “high-intensity caregivers” (we don’t know exactly what that means, but most of us could make an educated guess) did better at their walking pace, grip strength and the speed with which they could rise from a chair!
Cognitively (meaning, their minds), the caregiver crowd did significantly better on memory tests than the “non’s,” scoring more like folks 10 years younger! What are we to make of this?? A bit counterintuitive??
Some of us are reading this and thinking, “No kidding.” Sure: For one thing, when there’s a choice in a family about who will become the “caregiver,” who’s it likely to be, the sick one? The weak one? Not usually.
Get up faster from a chair? Walk quicker? I’ll bet! Because they have to…Whether they like it or not.
Minds are sharper? Probably, because guess who’s managing the household, managing the meds, juggling the appointments, handling the money and the taxes and…Administering treatments, changing treatments, helping with exercises, cooking, cleaning and answering the phone? Right.
And the laundry is endless.
So, what comes to mind? The old saw about “…whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…?” Well, YES! Except that, sometimes, it can kill you, but as a crowd, we are (apparently) tougher, stronger, faster and smarter, so let’s try to remember that the next time the cousin from out-of-state starts running that “Oh-I-just-feel-so-SORRY-for-you” routine. Yeah, right.
So, should we all run out and become caregivers so we can be tougher, stronger, faster and smarter?...uh. maybe not, but maybe this ought to remind us that we had better take care of ourselves, if we’re going to keep functioning at this pace: Eat, occasionally. Sleep, occasionally. Talk to somebody besides yourself and the person you’re caring for, occasionally and when you need help, ask for it.
And around here, one way to do that would be to call Carolyn at 417-8554 or Susie at 374-9496 or Heaven at 379-4421. It could make you stronger, and in this caregiving business, only the strong survive.
And while we’re on the subject of caregivers and caregiving, I recently spent some time with a room full of full-time caregivers, and the subject of durable powers of attorney came up; specifically, the realization on the part of some present that while they did, in fact, have a DPOA for the person they were caring for, there was no “back-up” – In other words, if the caregiver went down for the 3rd time, who could step into the DPOA role? Nobody.
And where does that leave us, besides alone? Right: Somebody, somewhere looking at a guardianship.
Oops.
I know what you’re thinking: You’re thinking, “I don’t have time to go do another thing!”
You’re also thinking, “…but I don’t have time NOT to!”
And that’s what makes you tougher, stronger, faster and smarter.
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