Peninsula Daily News column 5-26-11, "Privacy, veterans' care hot topics"

            Please keep this in mind as we launch into today’s column: DON’T KILL THE MESSENGER! – Besides, “open season” on columnists doesn’t begin until October 15th, which is the same day that “open enrollment” for Medicare Part D begins. Go figure.

            Certainly, I’m no stranger to mixed reactions; anytime I go on about this-or-that program or service I know I can expect at least some thank-you’s and a few “That-didn’t-work-for-me-worth-a-____’s!” (Some comments are more…colorful than others), but nothing – Absolutely NOTHING! – Is as guaranteed to garner both as anything relating to the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). None of that withstanding, I’m going to do it, anyway, because it might do some people some good who could stand to have some good done for them, so boldly going where I wish I didn’t have to go:

            I’m looking at a press release from the VA that says that, as of May 9^th of this year, “eligible post-9/11 Veterans” who elect to receive their care at home from a primary Family Caregiver could help those caregivers receive some additional help and support. There is no explanation of what the phrase “eligible post-9/11 Veteran” means.

            Evidently, eligible Veterans and Service members can designate who their “family caregivers” are, and said caregivers might be eligible to receive a stipend, mental health services and access to health care insurance, if they don’t already have it. The press release says that you can call VA Caregiver Support Coordinators at 1-877-222-8387 for assistance with the application process or go to http://www.caregiver.va.gov/ and download a copy of the application (VA CG 10-10) or, I suppose, both. I’d do both.

            I don’t want to sound too facetious here; in my world, if there’s anyone who deserves all the help they can get, it’s “caregivers,” whom I define as “…somebody who is taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, whether they like it or not.”

            I have no idea how the VA defines it.

            So, why not? If this even sounds vaguely like you to you, give these folks a call and talk it over; besides, there are probably some other services for caregivers of Vets that none of us have ever heard of. The worst that can happen is…nothing.

            OK, since I seem to be a glutton for potential punishment on the 26^th day of May, and there’s still five months to go before “open season,” I might as well charge headlong into the other guaranteed “trigger topic,” Privacy!

            One of the greatest “secret weapons” we have in my business are those little “panic button gizmos” that you can hang around your neck or wear on a bracelet or wherever, then push the button if you need help. They are generally referred to as “Personal Emergency Response Systems.” (Note: Do NOT take them off before getting into the shower! That’s where you need them the most!)

            Generally, they all work pretty much the same way, in that when you push the button, it sends a message to a Call Center who then tries to call you back to see what’s up (or down) or call for help. They work remarkably well; however, a long-standing drawback has always been that they only work in and around your home, because they’re tied into your phone line.

                What seems to be happening more and more is people have the unmitigated lack of foresight to actually leave the house! – Or, worse…travel! Have they no shame? Well, regardless, up to recently if you were on-the-road, you were on your own, but that’s changing – Quickly.

            One such product is MobileHelp, which you can check out at http://www.mobilehelpnow.com/ or call 1-800-800-1710. It works pretty much the same way the traditional PERS units do, but it has a separate device that can be used to summon help from anywhere; what’s more, it contains GPS technology, so you can locate Mom wherever she is.

            Beginning to see my problem?

            Here’s another: ActiveCare’s “Personal Assistance Link” (http://www.activecare.com/ or 1-877-219-6628) provides mobile, one-button access to a 24-hour call center for help or roadside assistance or directions or…And, YES: GPS technology AND fall-detection capability, in case Mom takes a dive on the road – And it functions as a simplified cell phone so she can make calls.

            One more: A company called “SecuraTrac” has a product called “LifeTrac MobileProtector” that does all the same stuff (GPS, fall-detection) and, probably, other cool stuff. Check it out at http://www.securatrac.com/ and/or 1-888-973-2872.

            AND, many of today’s cell phones have a GPS tracking chip built in! Don’t know? Call your service provider and ask, or see if it can be added; then, you could get free tracking software, so you’ll know where Mom is via your computer or cell phone, by going to http://www.buddyway.com/ or http://www.glympse.com/ or www.google.com/latitude

            Do I think these things are a bad idea? No! I think they’re a GREAT idea! And I think a lot of the “kids” will think they’re a great idea! The only “problem” is that there is always the occasional “mom” here and there who isn’t so wild about having the kids know all about her whereabouts, all the time. To each, their own.

            Did I mention that I’m relocating to Tahiti on October 14^th?

Peninsula Daily News column 5-19-11 "Forks Family Fair slated this Saturday"

A couple of weeks ago (on May 6, to be achingly exact), we celebrated an “Information & Assistance Fair” with about 150 of our closest friends at the Port Angeles Senior Center, which I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed. If you made it – Thanks! If you didn’t, you can always call 452-3221 (1-800-801-0070) and get access to all the same stuff, and all the same people, for free. Decent people will help you, without trying to sell you anything.

                Now, having lived here for 30+ years, I know what a lot of people on the West End are thinking: “Swell – Just another agency that thinks civilization ends where the lake begins.”

                OK, granted, the “civilization” discussion might be another matter, but to get to what you’re really thinking, I say, “Hah!” (Well, I didn’t really say “Hah!” – I almost never say “Hah!” – But I thought it…) and I thought “Hah!” because the day after tomorrow (May 21, to be achingly exact), we’re throwing the first annual “Forks Family Fair” in…Port Angeles!

                No, I’m kidding; obviously, we’re throwing the “Forks Family Fair” in Forks! At the Recreation Center, to be achingly exact (90 Maple Street, to overstate the obvious) from 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., and you care about this…why?

                Well, for 4 hours on a Saturday, you can get access to a whole lot of information in one place, for free, without having to sit through any speeches or programs. You can just wander around, gather up info, talk to any of us who will be lurking about and leave when you’re darned good-and-ready; for instance:

• Are you taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, whether they like it or not? Then, you’re a “caregiver” – Whether you like it or not, so you might want to see what’s available for Family Caregivers or “Relatives as Parents;”
• How about Olympic Medical Home Health?
• How about an expert on Veteran’s Disability?
• How about face-painting for kids (well, I assume it’ll be mostly kids, but one can never be sure…)?
• Free (Yes, FREE) sno-cones!
• …or, for that matter, free refreshments!
• Or, maybe you have a few thousand questions about health insurance and/or Medicare and/or Medicaid? Yup, people will be there who know what they’re talking about and will NOT try to sell you anything!
• …and “Sunshine & Rainbows,” and “Concerned Citizens” and “OlyCAP” and “Assured Hospice” and and and…
• …and, of course, good old “Information & Assistance” – Us.

See? Where else are you going to find this on a Saturday?

Now, here’s the best part: Maybe you don’t even know what you’re looking for – Maybe you just know what’s wrong, or what might be wrong or what could go wrong or what you’d rather not have be wrong, and you just need to share it with someone who will actually listen and give you some ideas without asking you for money – Come on.

Yes? Day after tomorrow, May 21, 10:00-2:00, at the Rec Center, free. Or we can just grab a couple of sno-cones and debate where civilization really ends…

Now, just a quick little something from a reader who has, obviously, “been-there, done-that,” and the subject is finding a caregiver. What people often mean when they use that phrase – “…finding a caregiver…” – Is finding someone to hire to come in and “help,” which can mean anything from helping with the housework to helping with errands and chores to helping with VERY “personal” care.

There are generally two ways to do that: (1) search out one of a number of local “homecare agencies,” interview them, get their rates and off you go; (2) find someone to hire, privately, on your own, so let’s talk about #2.

The good news is that, sometimes, you can find a saint who will change your family’s lives, for less than you might have to pay a homecare agency. The BAD news is that, sometimes, you might find a “predator” who will steal you blind – Or worse; it’s a crapshoot, on a good day.

If you’re thinking “AGENCY!”Go to http://www.o3a.org/, where you can find a list of all the homecare agencies in the area. If you’re thinking, “Nooo…I really need to save a few bucks, so I’m going to look around…”, then do a couple of things:

1. Get a copy of our booklet, “How to Hire In-Home Help,” then read it – Twice;
2. References, references, REFERENCES!
3. …and now, a suggestion from a reader you cares, and that reader says:

“…you might want to encourage people looking for caregivers to do some of their own background search by looking at Washington State court records online.

Go to http://dw.courts.wa.gov// Click on Name Search, click on Accept, then type in last and first names. A middle initial might help distinguish the person from others with the same name.

This works to investigate anyone who has lived in Washington State and has gone to court for any reason.”

While I haven’t actually tried it, it sounds like a good idea – There is no such thing as too much info on a person you are going to bring into your home. In the booklet mentioned above, “How to Hire In-Home Help,” you’ll also find info on how to run your own background checks.

Enough? OK, see ya Saturday. You bring the chocolate chip cookies and I’ll bring the sno-cones – You’re on your own with the face-painting…

Peninsula Daily News column 5-12-11 "Helpful tips on Alzheimer's Disease"

I learned a long time ago that it’s not my job to have the best idea – It is my job to know the best idea when I hear it. This is one of those.

                Not long ago I attended a free educational seminar on aspects of Alzheimer’s and memory loss. At that seminar, I picked up a terrific little booklet called, “Survival Tips to Help with Memory Loss,” put together by “Dungeness Courte Alzheimer’s Community” in Sequim; basically it’s a “help guide” for caregivers of folks with Alzheimer’s (or, actually, any form of dementia). It’s excellent.

                It’s so “excellent” that, with permission from “Dungeness Courte,” I’m reproducing it here. I had nothing to do with its contents – I’m not that knowledgeable or insightful. The only “edit” I’ve made is to change all the “her/hims,” ”she/hes” and “them” to “he” – To save space and the reader’s sanity.

                If anything here helps even one caregiver get through a day, it was column-space well spent.

                Here it is:

PACING Reasons: He is scared and unsure of where he is.

What you can do to help him:

• Walk with him.
• Hold his hand.
• Tell him that he is safe and loved.
• Offer him a snack he can carry in his hand as he walks.
• Keep the walkway clear so he is safe from falling.
• Try to distract him from pacing. Ask him to look at a magazine or work a puzzle with you.

LATE AFTERNOON BEHAVIOR Fidgeting and acting nervous, becoming easily upset, and wanting to go ‘home’ when he is already home are types of late afternoon behavior; to him, ‘home’ means feeling safe.

What you can do to help him:

• Give him a hug.
• Tell him where he is.
• Tell him he is safe.
• Tell him you are not leaving.
• Change the topic.
• Turn on more lights.
• Close the blinds or curtains.
• Ask if he is hungry or if he will help you in the kitchen.
• Offer an easy activity, like sorting spoons or forks, or ask him to wipe off the table.
• Use a happy voice and make everything seem like a lot of fun.

USING THE BATHROOM

What you can do to help him:

• Mark the bathroom clearly with a sign that says ‘bathroom’ or a picture of a toilet.
• Watch for cues, like fidgeting with clothing, or pacing.
• Write down the time of day that toilet accidents happen to better predict future accidents.
• Walk with him to the bathroom every 2 to 3 hours. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t wait for him to ask. Say, ‘We need to go to the bathroom’.
• Carry extra toileting supplies with you when you are away from home.

REFUSING CARE

What you can do to help him:

• Keep a daily routine.
• Don’t ask, ‘Do you want to…bathe, brush your teeth or get dressed/’ In a happy voice, say, ‘We need to…’
• Have all supplies ready before you start an activity.
• Explain to him, in simple terms, what you will be doing.
• Make sure his refusal is not because he is afraid or does not understand what you are asking him to do.
• If he begins to fight, step away. Try again later.

HOME SAFETY

What you can do to help him:

• Try to make his world simple.
• Use plain-colored placemats, tablecloths, bath towels and sheets.
• Block off stairs so he can’t fall up or down them.
• Have all of your house locks keyed to the same key.
• Place safety latches up high and down low on doors leading to the outside.
• Have him wear an ID bracelet if he wanders, and sign him up for the Alzheimer’s Association’s ‘Safe Return Program’.
• Use locked cabinets for soaps, cleaners, poisons and medicines.
• Take up all throw rugs.

WANDERING

• Make sure that he wears a medical ID bracelet.
• Keep a recent photograph of him to help police if he becomes lost.
• Keep all of the doors locked.
• Consider installing a keyed deadbolt.
• Place safety latches up high and down low on doors.
• Enroll him in the Alzheimer’s Association’s ‘Safe Return Program’.
• Make sure he gets enough exercise and sleep.
• Let him do chores, such as folding clothes or helping with dinner.
• Place cloth of the same color over doorknobs, or paint doorknobs and doors the same color as the walls.

COMMUNICATION

• Pay attention to what he is trying to tell you.
• Keep what you are telling him short and simple, but not child-like.
• Use one-step instructions when asking him to do what you want. This will decrease his frustration level and make each activity a success for him.
• Don’t tell him more than he needs to know at one time.
• Be patient. Give him lots of time to answer your question.
• Give him lots of time to finish what he is trying to say.
• Don’t argue with him. It is easier to agree with him and do what you had planned, anyway.
• Don’t try to reason with him, you will just get angry and he will not know why. Change what you are talking about to something he likes.
• Don’t correct or fuss at him for getting something wrong. Does it really matter? It may only make him feel bad.
• Don’t say, ‘I just told you that’. Just repeat the answer you have already given him.
• Don’t ask him to remember things that happened in the past. Talk about what you remember happening and how he was a part of it.
• Don’t say, ‘You can’t’. Say, ‘Do as much as you can and I will help you’.
• Don’t demand things from him. Always show him what you want him to do.
• His entire day depends upon how you speak to him. Speak very calmly and know that your body language needs to reassure him.

EATING

• Serve meals at the same time every day.
• Serve foods with different colors and textures.
• Make the table a calm place to eat.
• Use plain-colored dishes with no pattern to set off the color of the food on the plate so he can see the food.
• Use a shallow bowl with a lip on it if he keeps pushing the food off the plate.
• Put only the knife, fork or spoon he needs to eat with next to the plate.
• Allow plenty of time to eat. Don’t rush him.

If he refuses to eat, it may be because:

• He has too many choices on his plate. Try offering one food item at a time.
• He may not know how to get started. Show him the act of eating.

IN THE CAR:

• Keep the car keys out of sight.
• Always talk to him about where you are going.
• Tell him where you are going, as you leave the house.
• If he wants to know why he can’t drive, tell him the doctor or insurance company said he could not drive anymore.
• Open the car door for him.
• Help him put on his seatbelt. Tell him each car’s seatbelt is different if he has difficulty putting it on.
• Use the child safety lock feature on the car doors so he is unable to unlock the door from the inside.
• Make trips in the car to places he likes to go, as well as places he has to go.
• In the later stages of Alzheimer’s disease, having him sit in the backseat is safer and less scary for him.
• If he refuses to get out of the car when you get to where you are going, don’t argue with him. Drive around the block and try again.
• If he refuses to get out of the car at home and someone else is there, ask them to meet you at the door and invite him to come in.

That’s it. That’s a lot. Thank you, Dungeness Courte.

Peninsula Daily News column 5-5-2011 "Mom made us perfectly imperfect"

I’ll see you tomorrow, right? For the “9^th Annual Information Fair” at the Port Angeles Senior Center, between 10:00 and 2:00, right? Good!

                But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today; no, today I want to point out that where there’s life, there’s hope – And here’s why.

                This Sunday will the eighth day of May, 2011, which will make it “Mother’s Day;” if that’s news to you, I’m going to guess that you’ve either just completed your annual hibernation OR you are a young, single male.

                Now, granted: I, too, find it difficult to envision young, single males zipping right by the sports section and the comics to get to this particular column, but on the off-chance that has actually occurred, allow me to point out that you are in VERY SERIOUS TROUBLE, and it would behoove you to figure out what you’re going to do about this potentially lethal mega-faux pas RIGHT NOW.

                Most of us live in the “hump of the bell-shaped curve,” which refers to a graphic representation of most polls, research and studies of whomever doing or thinking whatever. It just means that most of us aren’t “outliers” – “Extremes,” if you will.

                Most of us aren’t fabulously wealthy and most of us aren’t totally poverty stricken (although I readily agree that it can often feel that way). Most of us aren’t engaged in the “right wing conspiracy” and most of us aren’t contributing to, or steadfastly implementing, the “left wing agenda.” And most of us aren’t perfect people who routinely appear on the covers of magazines that are strategically situated just above the breath mints, nor do we scare crows at 1,000 yards; no, most of us are somewhere in-between: Basically, good, decent, reasonably sane people who are just trying to make our way without seriously hurting anyone else in the process.

                And it’s for those of us who are perfectly imperfect, residing obliviously in the hump of the bell-shaped curve, that I’d like to share a few quick “pre-Mother’s Day” thoughts, remembering that we started with, “…where there’s life, there’s hope.”

                Sure, I know all about the commercial hype and it’s “…all just a bogus promotion to boost retail sales…” and blah blah blah, but the fact is, here we are – And the fact is that mothers expect something to happen today. Now, Mom, tell the truth: You do. You’d like your “kids,” who could range anywhere from 5 years of age to 68 or whatever, to do something to recognize the fact that you changed your entire life to accommodate her, him or them.

                Whether or not it was “planned,” you went through nine months of physical discomfort, to grossly understate the obvious, not to mention the emotional and financial toll that is routinely taken and routinely ignored, then who-knows-how-many-years of trying to keep her, him or them from (a) killing themselves (or somebody else); (b) fed; (c) clothed; (d) warm, and (e) becoming a reprehensible reprobate, the latter often being the most challenging.

                I suspect you were not always successful, and I suspect you screwed some of it up. I’m absolutely certain that if you could replay the tape, you’d do some things differently – And since you (and most of us) see yourself as the primary “source” of said offspring, you feel responsible for the result; you were, I can guarantee, perfectly imperfect.

                Those of us who were produced by mothers managed to sleep through the nine-month part; then, we just assumed the food/clothes/warmth/part, because we had no idea who else to hold accountable – Since you were THERE, it must be your job – Thus, most of us kid-types tend to focus most of our memories on your less-than-perfect attempts to make us be as close to “perfect” as possible, and here’s what we know: You failed.

                You, Mom, dropped the biological ball and failed to make us rich, happy, healthy, sane people who would attract rich, happy, healthy sane mates with whom to produce rich, happy healthy and sane families. We manage to remember things that we thought you did “wrong,” which may or may not be the same things that you remember as “wrong,” but we’re pretty sure we know whose fault it was.

                So are you.

                But where there’s life, there’s hope – We’re here! We actually have an opportunity to achieve relative happiness – To perfect our imperfection! – To do whatever it is we need to do in order to say, “It was worth the ride.” And we’re pretty sure that we know that WE are solely and uniquely responsible for our successes and achievements.

                Stop laughing, Mom.

                You gave us life, which gave us hope so, in exchange, we’re going to give you…chocolate!  (Doesn’t really work, does it?) How about a card that somebody else wrote and produced? Or roses that somebody else grew? Hey! Let’s go to brunch at a restaurant that someone else owns, where someone else cooks and someone else makes money doing it??

                Yeah, OK, any or all of those beat-the-heck out of nothing, but here’s what we all know that only a very few of us will actually say: The real gift is the time spent – In-person, on the phone, going to get this-or-that and delivering or sending this-or-that – The time spent. The only thing you have less of than money – The time.

                It will always be about the “time,” because that’s what Mom gave away – The time.

                So, on a day that could be any day, less-than-perfect people from less-than-perfect families will get together (one way or the other) and, in a perfect world, exchange “time” for time, while we nurse our guilt, our delusions, our illusions and our “memories,” none of which make much real difference for most of us, because we still have tomorrow.

                We have time. We have life.

                And where there’s life, there’s hope.