Peninsula Daily News column, 9-29-11 "Probate pain probable without will"

            OK, this is the “aging thing,” which got us to a Boomer Primer. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, ask a neighbor, because the rest of us are sick of hearing about it, so we’re just going to cut to it, OK?

            Last week I went on (and ON!) about wills; specifically, what they are, how they work, what to do to “do” one and the simple fact that you need one, so: MAKE A WILL!

            Yes, that is uncharacteristic of me to be so blatantly directive, but here’s why: First, this is America, so money and property count; second, consider what happens if you DON’T have a will.

            In all probability, someone you love (like your spouse/partner, kids, family member- Somebody!) is going to have to pick up the pieces and, assuming that they loved you back, at a time when they are emotionally sideways because you’ve moved on to better things, right? Somebody has to find stuff, list stuff, get access to stuff and then get that stuff to where they guess you might have wanted that stuff to go, while they’re also trying to get you to wherever. Does that sound fun? No.

            And given the distinct lack of information and legal tidiness that you were too lazy to provide, do you know where this whole little drama is likely to land? Right: In a land called “probate.”

            PROBATE?? First of all (because this is always “first”), DON’T PANIC. B-r-e-a-t-h-e…

            “Probate” is simply the court-supervised enforcement of a will, or the lack or clarity thereof. The Court makes sure that notice goes to everyone who needs notice, that an Executor follows the rules, that the bills and creditors get paid and that “stuff” gets to where it ought to go, so why does it strike terror in the hearts of so many?

            Well, in some states, probate is a horrible, complicated and EXPENSIVE rite of passage! It is so horrible, complicated and expensive that many good folks, with considerable foresight, go to considerable lengths to avoid it! Generally speaking, that is NOT the case in Washington; in fact, it’s usually pretty orderly and INexpensive – It’s only when there’s a dispute that things get…gnarly.

            The practical fact in Washington State is that if things do get “gnarly,” they were probably going to get that way anyway, regardless of whether the decedent (dead person) used a will or a Living Trust or some other means of “property transfer,” or whether or not the estate is probated at all.

            It’s true: The secret to avoiding these horror-stories isn’t so much in selecting a will vs. a trust vs. whatever, as it is in identifying potential problems on the front-end, resolving them as much as possible and doing whatever you can to minimize their effects in the future – The “future” that you won’t be in on.

            Washington’s probate process is usually remarkably simple, quick and “cheap,” – And can actually be beneficial to you and your beneficiaries, as long as you have a PROPERLY DRAFTED WILL!

            Listen: I’ve seen a lot of folks – Especially a lot of folks who came here from somewhere else – Run out and spend what I consider to be a LOT of money to get some of the prettiest and fanciest paper I’ve ever seen, in the name of “avoiding probate,” and you know what they often end up with? Yup, pretty, fancy paper, that didn’t really do much. I’m not talking about scams here, just unnecessary (and rather considerable) expenses.

            Actually, Washington’s probate process does, among other things, provide your chosen representative (think “executor”) with what’s known as “nonintervention powers,” which give her/him MORE flexibility and legal authority over your estate than a Trustee has over a Living Trust.

            …hmm…

            So, there we are, right? All wrapped up in a pretty little package on a Thursday, so I’ll just run right out and do what some social worker told me to do in a newspaper column, right? WRONG! Go see an attorney! This is your life, Folks, so go find a pro that you can trust, and who will listen to what you want.

            Are we done? No. We haven’t even touched powers-of-attorney or guardianships or advance directives – Well, I’m sorry, but life and aging is a complicated place and after all, this is a Primer, so we’ll get to it, but here’s something else that a lot of us need to get to real quick: This year (2011, for those of us who are easily distracted), “open enrollment” for Medicare Part D and Advantage Plans runs from October 15^th through December 7 – NOT from November 15^th through December 31. This is a BIG change! Part D = October 15 through December 7, so write that down.

            And DON’T put that note with your will, which you’ve probably stashed behind the bowling ball on the top shelf of the guestroom closet where no one will ever find it, because you want it to be a secret.

            And here’s something else that shouldn’t be a secret: Another “Powerful Tools for Caregivers” class will be starting October 5^th at Seaport Landing (1201 Hancock) in Port Townsend, and will run from 10:30 am to 12:30 pm every Wednesday through November 9^th.

            I’ve talked about these before, so you don’t have to listen to it all again, but if you’re somebody who’s taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, this is one of the best things that you could do for you.

            These slots go quickly, so call 360-385-2552 to register; remember, you count, too.

           

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-22-11 "Make a will before it's too late"

            Remember the last time you saw Paul McCartney on TV, or the Internet or YouTube or wherever it is you might see Paul McCartney? I can virtually guarantee that one of the things that went through your mind somewhere in the course of it was, “Gee, he looks…older.”

            Funny: Paul said the same thing about you, and that’s what got us to the whole “aging thing,” which is what got us to this whole Boomer Primer – Things to think about (and then, hopefully, DO something about), whether you want to or not.

            So, here’s something to think about, whether you want to or not: The odds are pretty good that, at some point, you’re going to die. It doesn’t matter who you know, how much money you have or how good your resume’ looks, immortality remains almost universally elusive. And since we are where we are in the time that we’re in, we have to consider the reality of the paperwork, so let’s start with wills.

            A surprising number of people don’t make wills, because (a) they don’t think they need one because they aren’t “rich;” (b) they just know they needed one – Period; (c) they didn’t know what to do to do one; (d) they thought it would be too expensive to get one done, or (e) they couldn’t or wouldn’t face the inevitability of their own mortality, so just sort of ignored it, figuring (I guess) that if they didn’t call attention to themselves, Death wouldn’t notice them, and move on.

            I can absolutely assure you that (e) above almost never works, so let me deviate from my usual position of “it’s-all-up-to-you” and be as clear as possible: MAKE A WILL!

            From the beginning, a “will” is a legal document that says who gets what, and how much, of your stuff, money and property when you move on to better things, but not until then. It can also do other things like name a guardian for minor children, create a “trust” and a “trustee” and name an “executor,” the latter being the lucky devil who gets to deal with divvying up your stuff, money and property.

            You do not need to be “rich,” or even “well off,” to need one of these. If you have any money or any property or any stuff that you want to have go “here,” as opposed to “there,” you need one of these. Do you know what happens if you cash-in without one of these? Right! We have laws that call the shots, so here’s what will happen: If there is a surviving spouse (or state registered domestic partner), they’ll get all of the “community property” (what you had together) plus some of the “separate” property” (what you kept to yourself), with the rest divided up among children and or parents.

            No surviving spouse or registered domestic partner? Then, everything goes to (1) living kids, divided equally; (2) surviving parents; (3) then equally among surviving brothers and sisters and maybe their kids and all kinds of other relatives and it all gets very complicated! No “family” at all? It goes to the State of Washington.

            Now, if all of that is just swell with you, or you don’t particularly like your kids or whoever else will have to hassle with your stuff, then I guess you should proceed with doing nothing; if it isn’t, or if you do, then MAKE A WILL!

            Should you consult an attorney? Yes! These things can get more complicated than you might think, and attorneys know the right questions to ask you so that what actually happens will be what you actually wanted; besides, you can, often, get a deal on a “package” of a will, a durable power of attorney, a Community Property Agreement and an “advance directive,” and it’s not usually as pricey as you might think.

            Time out: “Community Property Agreement?”

            Yes. For the vast majority of us, of “moderate means,” a Community Property Agreement has the effect of transferring all of the assets to the surviving spouse – Boom: No hassle, no probate, no nothing. PROBATE??? Don’t panic – We’ll come back to that, but let’s just get through the “will thing,” first.

            Do you have to consult an attorney? No. For a will to be legal in Washington, it has to written, dated and signed. You (the one making the will) have to be at least 18 and legally competent. It has to be witnessed by at least two legally competent adults (one of which could be a notary public, but it isn’t mandatory), and neither of them should be beneficiaries, nor do they need to know what the will says. No witnesses, no valid will – Period.

            That’s it. Not the best approach, perhaps, but it beats-the-heck out of nothing. A will made in another state, according to that state’s requirements, is valid, even if it isn’t exactly in the State of Washington’s style; again, not the best, but it’s something.

            So, once you’ve done a will, how long will it “last?” Basically, as long as you do – Or, until you change it. Can you change it? Sure, anytime – And since our lives have an annoying habit of changing, it’d be smart to yank it out and look it over every now-and-again to make sure that it still sounds like your current life.

            Yes, you can get will “kits” and “forms” – Are they legal here? If you do what I said above, yes. Are they the “best?” No, because very few of us have lives that conform nicely to “kits” but, again, it’s way out in front of nothing.

            “OK, I’ll be sure and do that when I get ‘old’.”…uh…And when, exactly, will that be? If you’ve already scheduled your demise, so be it – But for most of us, unpredictability has been a hallmark of life from Day 1, so do yourselves and the people you purport to love a favor and take care of this, OK? There is no such thing as “after the fact” – You either cared enough or you didn’t.

            And Death doesn’t care, one way or the other.

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-15-11 "Free event set to celebrate carevigers"

            Boomer Primer – You know the drill by now.

            Last week I went on about Medicare – Well, OK, health insurance – Well, OK, health! Or some eclectic combination thereof. Stick with the “health” part, for a minute.

            In addition to the multitude of unkind characterizations that have been heaped upon Boomers virtually from inception (or conception, or whatever), do you know what else an awful lot of Boomers are? Caregivers.

            Which means what? Right: I define a caregiver as “…somebody who is taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, whether they like it or not.” Sound familiar? I thought so.

            AARP estimates that there are 40 million caregivers in the good ‘ole U S of A. I think they’re wrong. I think there are a whole lot more than that, but who am I to quibble with an organization that has a pronounceable, if somewhat gastric, acronym? 40 million it is.

            It all has to do with the fact that a lot of folks are living a whole lot longer and surviving things that would have put them in the ground not all that long ago, so there are a lot more folks who need care. Good.

            But us caregiver-types pay a price, in terms of lost wages, for sure, and lost time with our own families/lives/interests, but don’t forget the other prices we pay in terms of increased depression, social isolation and our own medical issues; in other words, in the name of taking care of somebody we care about (more-or-less, most of the time), we often become “patients” ourselves. That’s the “health” part I threatened you with.

            And what was last week’s basic premise? (You – In the back…) Right! The less we use health insurance, the better off we’ll all be, and the best way to do that is to be as healthy as possible as much as possible, so if you are a “caregiver,” the best way to do that is to take care of you.

            Here’s a chance to do that. Saturday, October 1^st, from 8:45 am to 3:30 pm, at the Quimper Unitarian Universalist Fellowship (2333 San Juan Avenue) in Port Townsend, “A Day for You” (“You” being a caregiver). The whole day will be about taking care of you.

            It will not teach you how to lift or transfer or change catheters. It won’t teach you about skin care or tube feeding, and it won’t get into physical therapy or range-of-motion. It will be about you, Caregiver – All day long.

            Free. Free morning beverages, snacks and lunch. Free. Liz Taylor, journalist, columnist, speaker and founder of “Aging Well Consortium” will provide the keynote. And there will be a lot of other stuff – Info, vendors, sessions – And a whole room full of people who do what you do – Think about that.

            Free.

            I know: If you’re a “caregiver,” that means that you’re taking care of somebody who needs to be taken care of, so how do you get away to become smarter about being a caregiver? I get it. And I’m not going to pretend to have an easy, pat answer – I don’t. But I hope you’ll find a way.

            We’d love to have you for the whole day, but if that’s not possible, then just come for as long as you can and leave when you need to – We understand.

            What do you do? Well, since seating isn’t infinite, you can register by calling 360-385-2552 (1-800-801-0050) or e-mailing Heaven Gregg at gregghm@dshs.wa.gov then just show up and be who you are.

            Free.

            Also, in last week’s column, I referenced the “Affordable Care Act” (aka “Health Care Reform,” “ObamaCare,” whatever you choose to call it) as something that is changing the face of health insurance/health care, and will continue to change it, depending upon what does or doesn’t happen, so would you like a chance to learn a bit more about what is actually in the Affordable Care Act, without being screamed at? I, for one, have a hard time learning in the midst of artificially-induced hysteria.

            OK: September 20^th, 7:00 to 8:30 pm in Linkletter Hall at Olympic Medical Center (that’s in the basement) in Port Angeles, a forum on the Affordable Care Act, sponsored by the League of Women Voters. Straight facts, no politics. Reference info will be provided, presentations and a specific interlude for questions-and-answers. It is, of course, free.

            Despite what zealots on both ends of the political spectrum want us to believe, it is highly unlikely that anybody will take care of us, except us. And if we’re taking care of somebody else, then we especially need to take care of us. In my opinion, ignorance is not, nor has it ever been, bliss.

Peninsula Daily News Column, 9-8-11 "Look before buying insurance"

            Boomer Primer – That’s what we’re doing here. A list of “Things to Think About,” assuming that you (whoever “you” are) are in your early-to-mid ‘60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and would like to have some idea of what tomorrow might look like, before it’s tomorrow.

            You are not required to do “this” or do “that” or to agree with “this” or agree with “that” – You are required to think about these things, as a part of the whole “aging thing,” then decide whatever you decide to decide, because surprises can easily turn into shocks.

            OK, now, a couple of weeks ago I pointed out that, in my experience, there are two subjects that can morph a room full of hyperactive Boomers into a collection of zombies: One is Alzheimer’s disease and the other is Medicare. Today it’s Medicare’s turn, but DON’T PANIC! I have no intention of launching us into a coma-inducing safari through the wilderness of Medicare – Why?

            Well, for one thing, a lot of us have already done that. We did it between March 17^th and March 31^st, in these very columns, right here in the PENINSULA DAILY NEWS, so doing it again now seems to me to border on flagrant sadism. If you need help with this now, call any of the numbers at the end of the column and decent people will help you, for free, and will not try to sell you anything because they don’t have anything to sell.

            If you have time on your hands and you just want to begin to understand the Fantasy Land of Medicare, go to medicare.gov and rummage around. Take your time, make notes and you might be surprised at how much you can learn.

            The other reason I’m not going to take us there right now is that, to me, starting with “Medicare” is a bit like starting in the middle of a bigger issue, which is rarely helpful, so back up for a minute and think: Medicare is health insurance, the first word of that dreaded phrase being “health.”

            In my professional, highly educated and scholarly opinion, health insurance sucks. It doesn’t matter if it’s Medicare, Medicaid, private issue, employer-provided, VA, Tri-Care…Whatever! “Health insurance,” for most of us, most of the time, sucks. We don’t understand it. We don’t understand what it does or doesn’t pay for or when or why – And we sure-as-…Heck don’t understand the stuff it mails to us masquerading as “explanations!” So, back up one more step: How do you “beat” health insurance? Right: Don’t use it.

            Oh, sure, most of us will still have to navigate it as a “fall back” – A “worst case scenario,” if you will – But the fact remains that the less you use it, the less it will abuse you, so what do you do? Right! Be healthy!

            OK, OK! I get it! The picture that most of us immediately saw in our heads is of some lithe, sinewy, fashionably outfitted yuppie jogging through a lovely park on a lovely day, then going home to a lovely, dressingless salad with lovely yogurt, while petting the lovely, healthy and obedient pet, before launching into a lovely yoga routine. How lovely! How…unlikely.

            Agreed – Me, too. Here’s what’s true: Most of us have a pretty good idea of what we “ought to do:” Maybe it’s eat better, maybe it’s eat less, maybe it’s get more exercise, maybe it’s get our medications straight, or maybe it’s even quit-stalling-and-go-to-the-….-doctor! Whatever! We pretty much know. But it’s all too much and it’s all too big and we’ll never look like that yuppie ANYWAY and where would I even start and and and…So, we grab a Ding-Dong, watch a rerun of “I Love Lucy” and give up. Again.

            Here’s what we need to do: Something. I’m serious. Forget the yuppie! Do something! Eat one less Ding-Dong today. Walk around the house or the yard or up-and-down the stairs today. Have a salad WITH dressing – Today. Take 10 minutes and figure out the meds TODAY! Just schedule the doctor’s appointment – Today! – Then pat yourself on the back.

            Look, almost none of us make huge lifestyle changes on Thursday mornings! We start with one little thing, then congratulate ourselves – I’m serious! – LITTLE things. Did we succeed with that little thing? Cool! Then, try one more – You get it, but they’ve got to be “little things” that we can do (which is probably not jogging to the other side of town) and that we’re willing to do (which is probably NOT replacing tonight’s steak with tofu and sprouts). Little things, one day at a time.

            Do something.

            OK, now, drop-kick the soapbox into the corner and consider a few other “miscellaneous” points:

1. If you currently have health insurance (e.g., you actually have a job that actually provides health insurance), don’t be in a big hurry to have a temper-tantrum and walk out, thinking that you’ll just go buy a health insurance policy. Oh, sure, they’re out there, but they’re PRICEY! – Depending upon how old you are, any pre-existing conditions you might have (those are out there, too) and what your particular, repetitive sins might be, they’re PRICEY! – So look before you…walk;
2. The more you understand about what your current health insurance does and doesn’t cover, the better you’ll do; for instance, many policies actually cover the better part (if not all) of some preventative stuff (Remember those “little things” from above?). Think about it;
3. Some of you are thinking, “…but Medicare is changing every 20 seconds! Understanding it is hopeless!” Well, yes, it changes a lot; for instance, this year, “open enrollment” for Part D and Advantage Plans is changing to October 15^th through December 7^th – That’s a BIG change! And others of you are thinking, “…and isn’t ‘health care reform’ (or whatever you choose to call it) going to change a lot of stuff??” Well, yes, depending upon what does-or-doesn’t happen and your circumstances and how old you are and blah blah blah – But it’s WAY too soon to second-guess any of that, so do the best you can to deal with what “is,” and don’t use it as another excuse for another Ding-Dong (“I Love Lucy’s” are good for you);
4. In my world, people are more afraid of nursing homes than they are of morgues, which means that what most of us are MOST afraid of is that “gray area” – The space between life-as-we-know-it-and-like-it and death – Disability. Some of those things are beyond our control, like Alzheimer’s, but a lot of them aren’t, like falls or ignored conditions (think diabetes) or general deterioration because we allowed ourselves to…deteriorate.

Is all of this sounding kind of scary? Well, OK, that’s one way to look at it, but here’s another: The whole “aging thing” can actually be kind of fun, if we allow it to be – If we make it be! – And we can do a lot to decide how that game will work – Now! – If we decide to; OR, we can do absolutely nothing and just be surprised!

Sweat the small stuff, and turn on “I Love Lucy.”

Peninsula Daily News column, 9-1-11 "Think moderation when leaving legacy"

            A couple of weeks ago (or maybe three…I don’t know…Short-term memory is the second thing to go…), I went on about money.

            I went on about money because (a) this is America, and (b) we’re working on a “Boomer Primer,” which simply means a list of things to think about regarding the whole “aging thing” if you’re in your early-to-mid 60’s, or rapidly closing in on same, and not immortal.

            If you are immortal, your financial concerns far outstrip the purview of this little column, and I urge you to consult a more…galactic, if not spiritual, resource, but for the rest of us who are a little closer to the ground, this will have to do.

            The points that I attempted to make, back when I remembered what those points were, had to do with planning for and balancing “income” vs. “debt” IF retirement was a piece of our “aging thing,” remembering that most of us will live noticeably longer than our parents and grandparents; now, if your employment and/or income-generating prospects (and endurance!) are excellent and lucrative, your views on the subject(s) might be somewhat different, but here’s a “think about it” question that comes up for almost everybody: Leaving it to the kids.

            Acknowledging different strokes, feel free to delete “kids” (I know, I thought of that, too) and substitute “grandchildren,” “dog,” “favorite charity,” “national debt,” etc, but for most of us, most of the time, it’s about leaving it to the kids, and there are myriad views on the topic.

            For some, leaving a tangible inheritance of money/assets/house/Beatles’ “White Album,” etc is extremely important – It’s an inheritance, Yes, but it’s also a legacy – A way of declaring, “I was here.” A way of saying, “I lived, I struggled, I worked and I did the best I could with what I had, and this is what I leave behind.” A way of saying, “I love you.”

            And, certainly, given the economy and the employment-related realities and prospects of many an offspring, “legacy” and “necessity” may blur. The other end of this particular spectrum, of course, is financial exploitation, ala’ Mickey Rooney, but for now, we’ll assume honorable intentions on the parts of all parties. The “kicker” here is that, for many of us, if we’re going to leave an inheritance, we’re going to have to plan, save and, in all likelihood, DO WITHOUT.

            “Without” what? Well, it could be without that next cruise or it could be without that next prescription – I’ve seen both. It could be stubbornly staying in a too-big, too-expensive, too-much-work house - And paying a significant physical price for doing it! – Because I’m going to By-God-leave-the-house-to-the-kids!

            That can be lovely and loving and generous – It can also be a shoot-yourself-in-the-foot kind of strategy because we don’t do what we need to do to take care of ourselves, so the “kids” end up having to take care of us and everything goes down the drain and everybody ends up being WORSE off than they were before!

            Think “moderation.”

            For others, the view can be expressed as “…leaving you an ‘inheritance’ suggests bad planning on my part!” – In other words, I’m going to do what I want, when I want, the way I want! I earned it, and I’m going to do what I need to do. I came in with nothing (and you can do the same) and I’m going out with nothing (and you can do the same).

            I know that sounds a little hostile, but I’m going to the extreme to make the point; actually, it rarely is “hostile,” it’s just a different view of life and the world, and is often seen as a way of empowering kids who are genuinely loved to make it on their own, learn the good lessons and earn the sense of confidence and achievement that comes with doing that. Amen.

            The shoot-yourself-in-the-foot piece can be that we’re so busy spending it – Using it up cuz I ain’t gonna leave it! – That we don’t have “it” when we need “it” – Oops.

            Think “moderation.” Again.

            Just one more, for now: “I don’t want the kids to have to wait ‘til I’m dead to share the bounty (or “they need it now,” or whatever), so I’m going to start giving it to them a bit at a time while I’m still alive to enjoy watching them enjoy it!” Is there a shoot-yourself-in-the-foot piece to this?

            Maybe. Medicare does not now, nor has it ever, paid for “long-term care” – Medicaid does. Medicaid eligibility is based, in part, on your income and assets, so what’s the “worst case?” Well, Dad descends into Alzheimer’s (or something that looks like it) and things get to the point where he requires 24-7, institutional care, and all his money gets spent paying for same. Kids help Dad apply for Medicaid. It’s then discovered that Dad gave away money to the kids, and a complicated mathematical formula is employed to calculate the number of months/YEARS that Dad is INeligible for Medicaid, so guess who pays for the care?

            Is it “legal” to give money to your kids? Of course, it’s only a “problem” if/when Medicaid is expected to help pay for care.

            So, what’s the best way to go in all this? I don’t know. I know what my biases and beliefs are, but that has nothing to do with what you might conclude, and that’s the conclusion of every piece of this “Boomer Primer:” Put it on your list if “things to think about,” then actually THINK ABOUT IT!

            Hey: If aging were easy, everybody would do it.