Thursday, February 2, 2012

Peninsula Daily News Column 2-2-12 "Depression not a time to go it alone"

            Yeah, I’m back: “Boomer Primer,” “Things to Think About” or anticipate or not be surprised by or whatever – I think we’ve all figured this out by now, so let’s proceed.
            Here’s a shocker: Today I want to talk about something that almost nobody ever wants to talk about, as opposed to all the other things that we’ve been talking about that almost everybody can hardly wait to talk about. Today I want to talk about “depression,” and No: This will NOT be an exercise in global financial mismanagement.
            “Depression,” as in “I’m depressed.” And why do I want to put a sparkle into your Sunday by talking about depression? Because it happens, and it happens a lot to a lot of us as we get older, whether we like it or not, which begs the definition of “depression.”
            Why? Could be any number of things; for instance, for those of us who have managed to survive to an age where “aging” is even a concept, the fact is that we’ve experienced loss – And probably a fair amount of it: Loved ones, pets, jobs, opportunities, physical acumen, that reassuring belief that there’s “always tomorrow” to mend our ways or our fences or our bridges.
            Or hope.
            Believe it: If we’re still here, we’ve lost stuff; then, maybe, some magic age comes along (60, 65, 75, 96 – Whatever) and we suddenly realize that there may not always be a tomorrow – That we won’t really live forever and that we don’t really have forever.
            I know that sounds ridiculous, in a way, because we all “know” that, in our heads, but we don’t always know it in our…hearts, or wherever we keep such things. We can’t imagine life without us – Me – It’s all we know, so we’ve just kept putting one foot in front of the other, believing in tomorrow, so some magic age number comes out of nowhere and BOOM! – I’m going to die someday!
            Yeah, you are. So am I.
            And we’re afraid of what might happen between here and there.
            Yeah, you are. So am I.
            Or maybe our lives have changed, an easy example being “retirement.” Oh sure, we revel in it, at least for a while, but sometimes for some of us, we can start missing that reassuring routine, that sense of purpose – Of contributing.
            Or, it could be our bodies and metabolisms change – That happens, you know – Or it could be any combination of the above, including ALL of the above, or about a million other things, but the fact is that depression happens.
            Will it happen to all of us? No. Will it happen to enough of us to make it worth talking about? Yes.
            I’m not talking about a “bad day” or a “bad mood” or the blues or the blahs or just feeling kind of down. I’m talking about a feeling – Not a good feeling! – That doesn’t go away; OK, it may come and go, and I’m not necessarily talking about a feeling that is so debilitating that you just sit and stare into nothingness, although that happens, too! I’m talking about a sad, kind of purposeless, hopeless spiritless feeling that keeps coming back. You know.
            So, what do you do? You do…Something! Tell your doctor what you’re feeling – He or she can help you understand what is or isn’t happening, and…Who knows? It might be some other physical/medical thing that needs to be addressed. Or go to a counselor or a therapist or a clinic or…Do SOMETHING! Because the fact is that depression is very treatable and, for many of us, only needs to be “treated” while we get through a difficult time or over a hump or make the adjustment or whatever.
            I don’t know, and we sure-as-heck don’t want me diagnosing anybody, but here’s what I can promise you: Doing nothing will, in all likelihood, yield nothing.
            You/we/I do NOT have to feel like that! We can get our lives, and our spirits back, but we have to ask for help; now, I presume that most of us Boomers (and whomever else has come along for the ride) are not, as a group, unfamiliar with, or scared-to-death by anything that might smack of “mental health” – I mean, it’s not like we don’t know more than a little about “dysfunction” and feelings and all that, right?
            And we’ve figured out that depression (like a lot of other things) is NOT a sign of “weakness,” right? I mean, if you broke your leg, would you just decide to tough it out so you wouldn’t seem “weak?” No, you wouldn’t. Depression is no different.
            And if feeling crappy on an ongoing basis isn’t enough to get us off our butts, consider what a joy it must be to be around someone who is depressed – Oh, GOODY! Sure, people who love you will support you and tolerate you and put up with you and maybe even help you pretend that everything is fine, but if you purport to love them back, you might want to consider the effect that you’re having on them.
            Maybe it’ll just…go away; well, OK, maybe it will, but if it doesn’t, then what?
            My only point here is the same point: Depression happens to a lot of us, so be aware of that and if it happens to you, do something about it, because it can get better.
            If it’s already happening to you, do something about it, because it can get better.
            Take back your life, because we have a lot left to do.

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