OK, here’s our first problem: What are we going to call this thing?
What we’ve set out to do is take a look at some things that we might want to do to prepare for death (our “passing,” “meeting our Maker,” the “other side” – Whatever euphemism you might prefer) and then, what to do when it happens, so what do you call that? “Dealing with Death?” “Preparing for Death?” “Dancing with Death?!” See the problem? Do you really want to start out your day reading any of those on the front end of a column?
Right, neither do I, so we won’t. I think we’re going to call this, “Life on Earth” (because that’s what it is), and if somebody jumps in with us in a couple of weeks from now and doesn’t know what we’re talking about, it’ll be our dirty little secret.
“Life on Earth.” The business of life on Earth, in this place, in this time, mature enough to look ahead and see what’s really there.
Let’s start with the “getting ready” part, and I’m going to assume that we’ve all accomplished the staggeringly obvious, meaning that we’ve gotten wills, community property agreements, durable powers of attorney and durable powers of attorney for healthcare, advance directives and, if applicable, POLST forms drawn up and can actually find them.
If you don’t know what any of those things are or why you care, scrounge up the last few months of newspapers and get caught up with the rest of us, because I am NOT going to put us all through that again!
OK? Done? And you can actually find them? Yes, I know I just repeated myself about finding them, and the reason for that is that’s where we’re starting. And what’s even more annoying is that we’re going to start by thinking (I know, me, too – But sometimes it can’t be avoided):
Most of us think our lives are pretty simple; I mean, we don’t need 3 accountants, 4 brokers and an entire law firm to manage our lives, right? Our income tax returns aren’t 250 pages long and we’re not depreciating the executive jet to an offshore conglomerate, so…pretty simple right?
Now, close your eyes and think about your life: How many bank accounts do you have? How many credit cards? Where does your income come from? How many bills do you pay? When do they come? Own any land? – Any other land? Got any life insurance policies?
How many health insurance policies do you have? (Medicare + Medicare supplement + Part D = 3, right there!) Got a car? More than one? Car insurance? House insurance? Renter’s insurance?
Belong to any organizations? Pay any dues? Have any responsibilities?
Married? Divorced? Widowed? Got any “ex’s” floating around? Kids? How many? Where?
Stocks? Bonds? Pre-Civil War coins in a peanut butter jar?
Who does your taxes? Does anybody owe you money? Do you owe anybody money?
Did you just sign a 3-year contract for a new cell phone with the same phone number?
…and on and on and on…See? (Oh, you can open your eyes now) It didn’t take long to get pretty complicated, did it? And we weren’t even trying! That’s a LOT of details! And who knows all that stuff besides you?
And therein, my friends, lies the rub: Probably nobody.
Even longtime couples who think they both know all the stuff, often don’t, and here’s why: It is very common for one person in the relationship to be the “business person,” the “detail guy,” the obsessive-compulsive “doer,” the Keeper of Lists (I know that to be true because I am one); while the other, well…isn’t. That’s not good/bad, right/wrong, and it usually works pretty well as long as there’s a genuine effort to share decisions and information – When it’s founded on love and trust, it’s probably fine.
But it is very common. And if we’re trying to prepare for an eventual, inconveniently scheduled demise (“Life on Earth”), what does that tell us?
Right: Simplify, consolidate, organize and QUIT KEEPING SECRETS!
Well, I told you that this was about life on Earth, so we’re starting WAY upstream!
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