Good Morning! Are you ready for the next round of “Life on Earth?” That’s the socially acceptable “code phrase” we’re employing; what we’re actually doing is diddling with death because – Lord knows! – Death certainly doesn’t hesitate to diddle with us!
OK, we’ve taken our best shot at simplifying, consolidating and organizing – We even remembered to include medical histories in all that stuff! Good! Then, we did our best to share all this information (“QUIT KEEPING SECRETS!”) with whomever it needed to be shared with, and we’re neurotically reminding them on a semi-regular basis where THE BOOK is, because we know that they won’t remember all that stuff.
OK! Are we done? Well, that depends on what it is you were trying to accomplish: If you were trying to get to “here,” then CONGRATULATIONS! You’re here! If you were trying to make this death-thing easier for all concerned, then No, we’re not done – Ready? What about your “final expenses?”
A fascinating euphemism for what it’s going to cost to get you out of here: Casket, burial, funeral, cremation, headstone, ragtime band, whatever – Nobody is giving this stuff away. Now, remember, there is a huge difference between “preplanning” and “prepaying:”
If any of what we’ve been doing is even vaguely relevant to you, then preplanning is a slam-dunk. You want to figure out what you want, how and when you want it, how much of it you want, what you DON’T want, what you think you might want “after” (but remember, there’s a limit to what you need to control), and so on; remember, too, that the family might want to have a say in some of that. Oh, sure, it’s up to you and/or the two of you, but you might want to, at least, listen – I’ve seen full-tilt family feuds in funeral homes and it isn’t pretty.
OK? Think it all the way through, then (of course) write it down! In addition to satisfying yourself, what you’re also trying to do here is spare the folks who like you the stress of making multitudes of decisions in what will, presumably, be a very difficult time, emotionally – Second-guessing and doing, “What would he have wanted?” isn’t fun and can haunt folks and families for years. Don’t make them do that.
Prepaying? Welcome to America! Look: Death, besides being annoying and time-consuming, is a pricey undertaking, so unless money doesn’t matter, money matters! And like many other businesses, funeral homes range from national corporations to small, local enterprises; so, prices can vary wildly. How elaborate do you want to be and how many mementos, etc do you want to have? Memorials and markers and picture frames and souvenirs, or…not.
It’s a lot easier to do the shopping (call it what it is) and weather the sales pitches when you’re in no big hurry and going out for lunch afterward – Look, listen, then go away and think: Just because something is being “sold” to you doesn’t make it bad, if you and yours truly want it.
OK? Got it mostly figured out? Now, do you actually want to PREpay?
There are basically three ways to do that: (a) stash some money (pay-on-death account) in an account and hope it’s enough to cover inflation (well…); (b) life insurance, meaning regular old life insurance or through a funeral home, or (c) a “funeral trust”/buying a “plan” through a funeral home and, obviously, there are positives and negatives to each, which we won’t belabor here, because we might not live long enough to do it, so let’s focus on “c,” since that’s where many people automatically go.
What’s the “up side” to a “plan?” Services and products agreed upon, signed and sealed. They can be made “irrevocable,” which helps considerably if Medicaid is (or might become) a factor, but that’s a rabbit trail for another day. Who’s going to do what and when, so somebody knows exactly who to call, when the time comes, and a lot of complications go away.
Down side? Well, will what you pay now cover the costs of inflation? Will the firm you’re dealing with still be around, when you’re not? Are there “extra costs,” or costs coming from an “outside vendor,” e.g. opening and closing of a grave, that the plan can’t predict, so doesn’t cover? Remember, the whole idea here is to PREVENT surprises!
Do you travel a lot? What then? “Away from Home” coverage is available, but you’ll pay for it, which may or may not be a good investment.
Which brings up one more thought, so let’s do it out loud: Are all funeral directors slime balls? No! Sure, we’ve all heard horror stories about fraud and misrepresentations and…sub-standard services but, Folks, we could say the same things about Wall Street CEO’s, Congresspeople and contractors; the fact is that the vast majority of folks in this industry are good, decent, honest people who can be, and want to be, a resource to you and yours.
Trust, then verify.
What’s the “best” way? I don’t know. What have I done? Oh, no…Nice try, but I won’t go there – I will, however, tell you this:
My mother had purchased a “plan” and paid for it. When the time came, everything went beautifully (if that’s the applicable term), and everyone did exactly what they said they would do, exactly the way they said they would do it; so, is that what I’d recommend?
Here’s what I recommend: Do the homework, then make the decisions that make sense. If there were a “right” way, we’d ALL know it by now.
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