I ended last week’s column, in reference to my Mother, with, “…She did not plan on falling and breaking a hip, being taken to the hospital and having hip surgery the next morning. And she certainly didn’t plan on having a massive right-brain stroke in the recovery room – If she had, I’m sure she would have organized things a bit better (and probably have vacuumed and dusted), but she didn’t, so she didn’t.
So I did – For weeks. And it was a small house…” In response to that, I got this:
“Dear Mark,
Generally I’m your biggest fan and I know your intentions were good, but your “Consolidate, Simplify to plan ahead” article rubbed me (and your mother) the wrong way. I’m assuming you are not a father or you would have never written the part about your mom. She contacted me from the afterworld and told me to give you this letter.
‘Dear Son, I am so sorry I didn’t vacuum or dust before I died. And I am even sorrier that I didn’t organize my stuff better. To think that you had to spend “weeks” organizing my stuff keeps me up at night and some of the other spirits are getting angry and me for keeping them up. Gosh. Weeks. True, I raised you since the day you were born. Fed you. Bathed you. Took you to school and helped you with your homework. Took you to birthday parties and school events. Did with less so you could do with more. Thought of your best interests instead of mine. But that was only for 17 or 18 years. Day after day after day after day…24hrs a day for that matter. But that is nothing compared to the “weeks” you had to spend to help me. I cringe to think of it. I’m also sad to think that it was all because of my broken hip/massive stroke. I bet that influenced you, too. Anyway, just wanted to say sorry. Love, Mom’
So I think your advice is good, but I didn’t like your “weeks” whine. I don’t think your mother is deserving of being a “bad example” in the paper. Your mom could have written an article on how kids shouldn’t make a mess, or get sick on holidays, or forget their school lunches, or any other countless things kids do which (added up over years) takes up much more time than weeks. I’m still a big fan. Just thought I would remind you how EXTREMELY difficult it is to be a parent.”
So, here’s what I think about what this gentleman thinks: I think he’s exactly right. Well said, and good for him! Now…
…where were we? “Life on Earth” – I remember that part, but…
Oh, RIGHT! “Simplify, consolidate, organize and QUIT KEEPING SECRETS!” And we’d gotten to “organize” (I’ve got to get organized!). OK, I got it – Let’s go.
Organize: Let’s keep this simple and pretend that you’ve gotten everything into the same room – Insurance policies, safe-deposit box keys, birth certificates, passbooks, passports, blah blah – And you’ve fried two shredders (so far) getting rid of irrelevant old paper, because you’re smart enough to realize that just because you’re thinking about dying doesn’t mean the “bad guys” are dead (NOTE: ID theft is perpetrated on deceased identities all the time, and guess who gets to clean THAT up?). Good.
Now, organize this stuff in such a way that somebody who isn’t you would have at least of 50:50 chance of understanding it without being a cryptographer; for instance, labeling a file “Enron Grange Mutual” is probably less helpful than simply, “Life Insurance” – Get it? A simple filing system comes to mind, or envelopes, or some combination thereof, whatever – Just keep it simple and keep it together. (NOTE: Once you’ve actually gotten all this “together,” KEEP IT TOGETHER! Getting everything nicely organized and then proceeding to stash stuff in other weird places because it was convenient and you didn’t want to miss the start of the “Wizard of Oz” is self-defeating. When current paper becomes irrelevant paper, get rid of it! When new stuff comes in, organize it, label it and put it where it belongs. Hey, look, I never told you this was going to be easy, and who knows when somebody might drop a house on you?)
Since nothing is truly obvious, let’s overstate it: Is she/he actually on the checking account? (Hey, I’ve seen it happen) The savings accounts? The CD’s? Has everybody actually told all the applicable money-sources who their “beneficiary” is? Are you sure? Was it this marriage? OK…
Now, make a list or a book or something that explains stuff, e.g. when do which bills come? How do they get paid (automatic deduction, send a check, etc)? When does what money come? How (direct deposit, actual check, etc)? Who are the agents for those insurance policies and what are their phone numbers?
What about pensions? Are there death benefits? Who needs to be contacted and how?
Were you in the service? Might there be benefits associated with your terrestrial exit? Where are those papers? Who gets contacted and how?
Do you have an attorney? Does he/she have copies of any important documents, e.g. wills? A broker? Are you getting Social Security? How (direct deposit)? How does the person who’s cleaning up your act contact them?
IF you create this kind of list/document on your computer, is there a password to get into the computer? Is it backed-up and/or printed out? Are there other passwords or PIN’s or codes that someone might need?
…and on and on and on…
You don’t need a degree in library science to do this, but you do need to think, work, stay with it and MAINTAIN IT!
By the way, funeral directors (and I’m just going to use that as an umbrella term for mortuaries, funeral homes, etc) often have nifty planning documents that can be great guides to what-all to list and how, and that remind us of stuff that we might not have thought of, like where, exactly, were you actually born? This is a different matter from deciding whether pre-arranging funeral arrangements makes sense for you, but these folks are in this business, so why not take all the help you can get? Will you get a marketing hype? Probably, but business is business.
And Yes, I suppose you could find something on the internet – I haven’t tried.
OK, more-or-less? Now, sit down and do a little arithmetic: IF you have a partner and IF you move on to better things, so your Social Security and/or pensions and/or whatever else go away, will she/he be able to pay the bills and get by?
If it looks like the answer is “No,” then stop worrying about all of this and START worrying about all of THAT! Because there’s nothing louder at a wake than the sound of a cash register.
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